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Thread: Chuck Norris jokes

  1. #1
    Mugg's Avatar Taihō no heishi
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    Default Chuck Norris jokes

    Well, for breaking boredness...lol

    Here's few: Chuck Norris built his own birthhouse...
    Chuck Norris knows what was before the egg or chicken...Baby Chuck
    God built Earth in seven days 'cuz Chuck didn't have too much time to wait.

    I know they are bad, lmao....Give better!

    Wrath of the Norsemen Researcher and Historian and Second Age Total War 2D Helper


  2. #2
    Heinz Guderian's Avatar *takes off trousers
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    This must stop now.




  3. #3
    Mugg's Avatar Taihō no heishi
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Moderators I shockly please you to delete this topic made of unknowing how rule breaking it is...Truly sorry and I meant no harm, offences, religious attacks etc. It won't happen again!

    Wrath of the Norsemen Researcher and Historian and Second Age Total War 2D Helper


  4. #4
    Poach's Avatar Gaming Staff Admin
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    ...And on the seventh day, God rested. Until Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him to get his lazy arse back to work.

    The boogie man checks under his bed at night for Chuck.

    In Soviet Russia, Chuck still roundhouse kicks you. His vengence is symmetrical and thus immune to reversal.

    There is no such thing as extinct species, only those Chuck permits to continue existing.

    Contrary to popular belief, human cloning is possible. It is, however, suppressed by the world governments out of fear that Chuck will clone himself.

    The Big Bang was the outcome of the last time Chuck cloned himself. He fell out with his clone, and both roundhouse kicks met mid-kick...

    * * *

    Such are the funniest ones I can recall. There are actually a few decent ones out there...

  5. #5
    Habelo's Avatar Equites Cohortales
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Chuck norris hits, ignore buble.

    Chuck norris kicks are so fast, that they hit before he started to kick.

    Man that was harder then i thought it would be. I wish i was more of a comedian
    Is there anyone more wise then me?

  6. #6
    Double A's Avatar person man
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    In America, Chuck Norris kills you.

    In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kills you.
    Jon had taken Donal and Benjen’s advice to heart: Sam may be fat and pathetic, but he is still a member of the watch, and one of the few black brothers who isn't a rapist or thief. (out of context, this sounds ridiculously racist)
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  7. #7
    athanaric's Avatar Equites Alares
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

  8. #8
    Heathen Hammer's Avatar Tribunus Augusticlavii
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Chuck Norris' penis is so big, it has a penis of its own, which is bigger than yours.

    The difference between a terrorist and a freedom fighter is a matter of perspective: it all depends on the observer and the verdict of history.
    Kaarlo Pentti Linkola

  9. #9
    Solid Snake's Avatar Pili Prior
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
    Do check my AAR "The Proud Blood of Germania"
    Formerly known as JerichoOnlyFan.
    If you want you can also check some of my other work.




  10. #10
    EmperorBatman999's Avatar I say, what, what?
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    When there's a problem, somewhere in the world, the army is called. If the army fails, they call in the special forces. If the special forces fail, they call in the Delta Force. If the Delta Force fails, they call in the black ops snipers. If the black ops snipers fail, they call Chuck Norris.

  11. #11
    Dan the Man's Avatar Achieved CHIM
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
    The ending of the words is ALMSIVI

    Proudly under the patronage of The Holy Pilgrim, the holiest of pilgrims.

  12. #12
    Mr. Pink's Avatar Kamikaze
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Why doesn't Chuck Norris use contraception?

    Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

    Quote Originally Posted by Danny_K_1 View Post
    They tried to protest in Glasgow and someone was raped at their camp. Moral of the story is children: do not camp overnight in Glasgow City Centre.
    Post of The Year 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by Ima Farmathar View Post
    knowing what is about to happen I whisper in her ear,
    “do you know what makes us different from other animals?, We follow our prey, a lion or a tiger gets bored and follows something else, we persist” -------------------------------------------------------------------
    yhea i once did that, to a girl in higschool, i pressured her until she agreed to go sailing in a 10 ft baue, but she almost drowned so i no longer try that





  13. #13
    D.B. Cooper's Avatar Sohei
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Chuck Norris jokes were funny in, like, 2006


  14. #14
    ShADoW's Avatar Equites
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    I never understood the craziness for Chuck Norris.


  15. #15
    Mr. Pink's Avatar Kamikaze
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by D.B. Cooper View Post
    Chuck Norris jokes were funny in, like, 2006
    They were never funny.

    Quote Originally Posted by Danny_K_1 View Post
    They tried to protest in Glasgow and someone was raped at their camp. Moral of the story is children: do not camp overnight in Glasgow City Centre.
    Post of The Year 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by Ima Farmathar View Post
    knowing what is about to happen I whisper in her ear,
    “do you know what makes us different from other animals?, We follow our prey, a lion or a tiger gets bored and follows something else, we persist” -------------------------------------------------------------------
    yhea i once did that, to a girl in higschool, i pressured her until she agreed to go sailing in a 10 ft baue, but she almost drowned so i no longer try that





  16. #16
    Double A's Avatar person man
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Pink View Post
    They were never funny.
    Exactly. Which is why they're so funny.



    Chuck Norris made the world go round.

    ...

    With a roundhouse kick.
    Jon had taken Donal and Benjen’s advice to heart: Sam may be fat and pathetic, but he is still a member of the watch, and one of the few black brothers who isn't a rapist or thief. (out of context, this sounds ridiculously racist)
    super awesome music thing | political profile
    GSTK member - Join today! (We're restarting. Again.)

  17. #17
    Ascarona's Avatar Ninja
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world away.
    “Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”

  18. #18
    Don in the North's Avatar Indefinitely Awesome
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live

  19. #19
    Sulfurion Blackfyre's Avatar Pili Prior
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Not exactly a "chuck norris joke" but this really happened:

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    If someone were to ask you who the last person anyone should ever dare to mug is, what name would be your answer? This lister is betting on 80% or better of respondents answering, “Chuck Norris.”

    Amazingly, astoundingly, two idiots managed to try just that. It happened in 1994. Norris mentions this whole thing in his autobiography, “Against All Odds.” And, by his testimony, this is what happened. Honest to God, it really happened.

    In 1994, right at the beginning of his run as Walker, Texas Ranger, Norris was, and still is, living in Dallas, Texas, where the show was filmed. One day he was walking down the street by himself, no entourage, no fans following him, no bodyguards, not even his wife. He turned a commercial block in the downtown skyscraper area and saw two men a little bigger than he coming straight for him from the other end of the block.

    They were staring right at him, and he figured they wanted autographs, which he enjoys signing. So he walked up to them and stopped with a smile, whereupon they stood in front of him, whipped out a couple of large pocketknives, and one of them demanded, “Give me your wallet, Chuck! Give it here!”
    Norris actually opened his mouth wide and then asked, “Are you insane!?”
    “No! We know who you are! And we know you got a lot of money! Now give it up, or you’re dead!”

    Now before we go further, let us just go over a few of the particulars. All jokes aside, Chuck Norris truly does have the following black belts: 1st degree in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, 8th Degree Grandmaster in Tae Kwon Do, 9th degree in Jeet Kune Do under Bruce Lee and Lee’s best student, Dan Inosanto, 10th degree in Shito Ryu Karate, 10th degree in Tang Soo Do, 11th degree in Chun Kuk Do.

    Granted, the last art is his own concoction, a hybrid of all the best moves he has learned over the years, all blended for both self-defense and competition, and you are only allowed a 10th degree or better in anything when you found your own dojo. But suffice to say, the muggers didn’t even use guns. From a hundred feet away. They used knives within arm’s reach. What happened next was rather anti-climactic.

    The police arrived about 4 minutes later, 3 officers in two cars, and were greeted by the scene of two men with SEVERELY broken arms (the bones had gone through the skin) sitting on the curb, two bloody knives in the gutter, and Chuck Norris, the Almighty Himself, leaning against the wall, wearing his beard, jeans, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat….he shrugged at them. The police started laughing so hard that they bent over, holding their sides, unable to put the handcuffs on the muggers. One of them managed to ask, “Did you not know who he was?!”

    One of them said, “Yeah, we knew who he was! We figured all that crap on TV was fake!” FROM LISTVERSE

  20. #20
    EireEmerald's Avatar Tribunus
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Solid Snake View Post
    Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
    LMFAO

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