need help dealing with rejection...

[gaius_caesar]

ok so here it goes

I really like my classmate... I've known her for 3 years... From the start really wanted her...

when she broke up with her ex, I waited a long time so she can move on.... like giving her some space...

so after waiting that long I decided to tell her how I really feel... and she said "we'll see what happens"

I did many things for her

1) Accompanied her when going home
2) Accompanied her when she was a bit drunk during her birthday (which we celebrated the night before and finished the celebration at 12AM in the morning... )

3) went to the class outing with her against my parent's suggestion (about going to the outing anyway)
4) when she was troubled, I talked to her (regarding some of her school problems)
5) I even voted for school student president (when others wouldn't)
6) lastly, I made a poem for her which I read during one of our literature classes (obviously she knows it for her because her name is the poem's title)

and she rewards me with what I quote "I like you as a friend"... only to find out that she is already dating one of my friends which happens to be the one that got involved in a frat problem

so I can't help it but get entirely depressed... I mean I feel betrayed... I spent so much effort then this happens...

so everytime we meet, I get thiis feeling I want to hurt someone, but isn't my nature to hurt people so...

there... just need help dealing with rejection


sorry if I got too emotional...

[BURNY26]

I can understand your position ,but be honest with yourself . Isnt it you who have commited the betrayal ? If you like her that much ,you should be pleased enough with the fact that you helped her out when she needed someone . Expecting something in return is egocentric . So in my view she didnt betray you ,she actually has been very honest to you . To me it seems that she is a good friend for you .

Dont misunderstand me ,i completly know how you are feeling ,since i had a similar 'problem' once . Just let her go and maybe in the future she ll change her mind . But until than you should treat her as a friend and keep your mind occupied with something else instead of her . Find another nice girl to fall in love too ,spend some more time on some of your fav hobbies :sports ,gaming ,modding ,music ,movies...TWC ?

Besides ,a gf in the same class isnt such a great idea .you will lose your attention during the lessons and see one another waaay too much

Hope everything works out for you

[gaius_caesar]

yeah I do hope so too...

thanks for the advice friend

[BURNY26]

[elfdude]

It's entirely understandable the key thing here is that from her perspective what you were doing wasn't helping your case. The best thing to do is to use this as a learning experience and improve your abilities for next time. Do not focus on rejection because in reality it can only affect how you perceive the world it does not change how the world perceives you. Resist the temptation to believe that the world in general will reject you, the vast majority of people will not. Different women require slightly different strategies but the general idea is the same, trust, affection, happiness and fun are a potent combination for building a relationship with almost anyone. The idea of writing poems and doing things for women guarentees nothing, while it is nice being nice to someone should not be mistaken as a mutual relationship. Relationships give and take in both directions. So how do you go from a relationship with loyalty and trust but no romance to one with?

Tailor your approach to your woman. If she recoils when you attempt to do something or seems uncomfortable backpedal. Play it off as a joke, something. Awkwardness is unbecoming. At the same time happy and confidence is highly desirable. Match her intensity and only up the ante slightly in a way that does not make you overly vulnerable. Many people are uncomfortable with having someone make themselves vulnerable in front of them.

Flirting, playing, joking and mood manipulation are key. You must learn how to manipulate moods into happy and playful demeanors. You need to be able to flirt, use innuendo, obscure compliments, tease, and play with your partner to have any hope of initiating a romantic relationship. Gone are the days where women are impressed by a gentleman of noble intentions. Modern women care more about how they feel and making them feel good is the key.

You'll probably remember all of the really happy and good moments in your life. Evaluate these moments and think about what made you happy. Why did it make you happy? Apply what you learn to reality. Use what you discover to modify the moods of others. Human behavior is in general very similar.

In the end you can't go wrong by just being a good and happy person. Rejection sucks but it doesn't actually hurt us and it gives us a frame of reference to learn from. Don't allow your emotions to get in the way of your ability to think and conceptualize and confidence will come easy. Don't imagine the future negatively or positively just pay attention to the now and how to make the now best for the people you care for or would like to care for.

Obviously this is very general social theory and doesn't cover any specifics but the concepts are good.

[Nazgūl Killer]

I know the feeling, and it's all a part of your experience with women. It's just the start of it actually. Eventually those feelings will dissipate, it will hurt when you see her, can't help that, but you gotta press on and move on, trust me, it's not the end of the world nor your relationships with women.

[Salem1]

You my friend, are a Nice Guy™ which is your problem. Start by googling that and work from there.

[Nutsack]

You need to research online any tips, guides, research done behind the complexity which is attraction. It's not easy. Hard to understand and a biatsch to master.

You have a completely wrong idea of how to successfully court a woman. That's okay, don't panic... if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.

There was a period in my life where I had tried so hard but never managed to get a girl, then I decided to study it every day for months and now - i'm not even close to being a master but i'm pretty decent

ask me if you want some material to study with

[gaius_caesar]

thank you everyone for advices... guess I was just a bit frustrated and disappointed then..

ask me if you want some material to study with

that would come in handy... any help is appreciated

[Maron]

Advice for similar future situations: It is perfectly okay to be "the nice guy." I am the nice guy type as well and I have a smoking hot girlfriend that I've been with for 7 months now. However, if you are the nice guy, you have to act quickly. What I mean by this is girls will genuinely care for nice guys which can make for amazing romantic relationships, but if you don't give them a reason to become romantic they will only want to be "best friends." You can't wait 3 years to tell them you like them. Once you become friendly (talking, texting, hanging out) you have a MAXIMUM of 3 weeks to tell her how you feel. (2 weeks is better.) Take it from someone who has been in almost the EXACT same position as you right now, and by changing tactics with future interests, came out a winner.

Hang in there :

[Mythos]

Sounds like she was using you, kept you hooked for her benefit. You should be angry about this, not remorseful and sad. Just ditch her, do some stuff with your friends etc and you will be over her in a couple of weeks. Rejection sucks if you dwell on it too long. Just shrug it off.

[gaius_caesar]

I have been doing lots of things lately... to keep me entertained, I started to learn on how to play a piano...

[Henry X]

You were like me before; you were way too nice. Granted I'm still very nice, but I don't go helping people as much.

Oh what the hell? I'm making myself out to be an who treats women like garbage

[Sharpe's Company]

6) lastly, I made a poem for her which I read during one of our literature classes (obviously she knows it for her because her name is the poem's title)

From my background something like that would seem very odd, different culture maybe but most girls I've ever known would find that very strange. It might be a nice thing to do but she might think you're acting very clingy.

Listen youth, just get her face to face and tell her how much you like her, don't waste your time by doing it the hardway by 'being there' when she needs you, don't let her feel that she can depend on you when she's in trouble else you'll only ever be her 'friend' and not a 'girlfriend'

At the end of the day, just ask her if she likes you, an if she says no, well that moment might hit you hard an you'll feel down in the dumps for week or so, but don't react by blanking her, not calling her up, texting her, keep friends with her, but fish further upstream, as there are a billion girls out there, an though at the moment you might really, really like her, I can guantee you that from my knowledge this is a high school crush, you'll get over it

So get out there and fish for a buddy, make her jealous

[Henry X]

Yeah it sounds like you just got tossed in the friendzone. Really there's no hope for pursuing a relationship at this point in my experience. My advice is to go find another girl that you feel that way about.

Hell, if its anything like what happened to me, then it will just happen (a new relationship that is).

[Freddie]

Why do you think girls are attracted to jerks? Unless a girl is feeling very vulnerable the nice guy approach is despite all reason and logic is a big turn off in terms of attraction for women.

What I would say is A* for bravery, there's this girl I've been flirting with at lunch times and I want to ask her out but I'm dreading it so pouring you heart out like that in front of you classmates reading out poems etc takes a will of iron.

[Henry X]

And a lack of logic.

Then again, when is love logical?

[Salem1]

And a lack of logic.

Then again, when is love logical?

Attraction is logical... just not really in a logical way

[gambit]

Why do you think girls are attracted to jerks? Unless a girl is feeling very vulnerable the nice guy approach is despite all reason and logic is a big turn off in terms of attraction for women.

What I would say is A* for bravery, there's this girl I've been flirting with at lunch times and I want to ask her out but I'm dreading it so pouring you heart out like that in front of you classmates reading out poems etc takes a will of iron.

You're right, but it annoys me how people always slide between the two extremes like that's all it is. You're either a nice guy, or a jerk.

It's possible to be assertive without being an ass hole, even though they both have ass in the name. It's called personality.

[Henry X]

I thought it was called funk.