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Thread: Wolfmen

  1. #1

    Default Wolfmen

    Hi all! This is the first fictitious story I have ever written. It's quick, not much detail and little back story, it was just for fun. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

    Wolfmen
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Lord Nathaniel felt good... no he felt great and remarkably relieved.

    He sucked in a large breath of air through his nostrils and let it out with a loud guttural, "ahhh..." He sat tall in his stirrups, looking about himself at the achievement he and his men had wrought. Sitting on his horse, in his jet black armor with the contours of each plate painted in gold covering him from his head to his feet, looked about him. His men busied themselves disposing of the bodies and gathering the supplies they needed. He had not lost many men, in fact there were no dead, just a few bruised up or scratched, the worst being a soldier who broke into a cottage and received a broken nose after getting hit by a pan in the head.

    That incident did not mean anything however, the men that accompanied him that night were the best, handpicked for this mission. There was just over a hundred men, not much compared to what they attacked, but just enough to get the job done. He thought back to how they preformed earlier that night, it was still dark but light was a long way off, most of these men had been under his command for the past seven years following his orders almost unquestionably. He felt his decision to attack this place might test the loyalty of the men, but none questioned his orders before, but surely afterward he thought they might.

    Yet during the black of last night, these men, his men, had executed his plan with such a fervor that he had almost thought they were demons. Demons that had a chance to pounce upon a hapless angel. That angel was the gated town of Worddington whose population was just several hundred people. It was enclosed by a sturdy three story stone wall and two gates, guarded by the towns militia numbering about one hundred old men and delinquent boys. The town was surrounded by rich farmland and was the focal point of many bandit and mercenary raids. Hence their funding from a local Lord to build their protective wall. Nathaniel had sent a small handful of men in during the previous weeks to scout and gather information on the town. This town needed to be taught a lesson however, these ignorant peasants had denied his men food and shelter on many occasions, even during previous campaigns and or battles. They needed to learn that they are part of the empire, his empire, not theirs. The scouts would be in place on the night he had decided to teach Worddington their lesson.

    After the light of day faded away, after the field workers resigned to the protection of their town, Nathaniel approached a gate. The gate, he noted, pointed towards his lands, and the center of the empire while the other gate redirected the road to Lacon. An old nemesis that had been dormant for several years after agreeing to a cease in hostilities. It was suspected that Laconian mercenaries and "bandits" would find lodgings in the town before striking off to raid other nearby towns farther inside the borders of The Empire of Stosia. Stosia was his home, he had shed blood and spilled blood to protect it and he would not tolerate those who wished to stain his home any longer.

    He knew that that night he and his men would shed the blood of many innocence, but their betrayal was far worse. He had received reports that Laconian mercenaries and bandits where given lodgings in Worddington. Their accents were easy to spot, even to the untrained, and their intentions were never hard to guess as they had been seen riding through the streets in full regalia. Lord Nathaniel had personally taken it upon himself to restore order to the town of Worddington, and he had just the men to do it with.

    His knights were some of the best in the lands, they were held in high esteem and on many occasions they were even reported to have dined with enemy generals before battles. But that night, they would instill a different reputation, a feared reputation, one that was only rumored too of in stories that mothers would tell their children so that they would behave. They were dressed in animal skins, dried animal blood and mud smeared their bodies. They would howl, growl, bark, and hiss. This night, they would become the mythical creatures only known as wolfmen. They had hunted as wolfmen before, their savage brutality only exceeded their physical limits. Lord Nathaniel would release this pack upon a near defenseless town, they were to give no quarter.

    Behind a rise, Nathaniel sat upon his horse, only his head and shoulders were barely visible above the crest, the wheat covering the rest of his body from view. before him, a group of men crawled through the wheat towards the gate. He knew at that very instant, a similar group was approaching the opposite gate. Suddenly a figure fell from the wall, and then a few more. Nathaniel could not make out if those were his men or theirs, he could hear no alarms nonetheless.

    "Sire, there is the signal," whispered a nearby aide. A ball of flame was swinging back and forth in front of the gate, on cue the men in the wheat crouched and swiftly approached the gate in an almost inhuman speed and quietness. As if feeling the approaching men, the gate creaked open. Nathaniel winced at the sound but was confident in knowing that they would only be shut after his men left. He signaled to his archers to loose a volley of fire arrows into the town to induce and help spread panic. A loud CRACK! sounded off to his right, and then another quickly followed. The gunmen began picking off some of the guards on the wall. A deep loud howl rolled across the dark landscape, and shadowy figures began appearing and lurking amongst the many buildings and shadows of Worddington.

    Screams, shouts, and a general commotion began to fill the night's air. A man peaked his head out of a window to see what was happening and disappeared quickly again. Several unruly looking figures crashed through his door, there were shouts, a loud bang and a scream. The unruly figures leaked back out into the night, inside a balding man's life blood soaked through the floor. All around Worddington scenes such as this was occurring.

    A burning arrow pierced the roof of a thatched cottage, a loud scream echoed from within. A young woman and man came bursting out holding a bundle that had the burning arrow sticking out of it. As they turned to look for help a large figure came galloping by dispatching the woman with a swing of a sword while another similar figure beheaded the man in similar fashion.

    Soon the streets were full of scared and confused people. All around them their friends and family would vanish into the shadows, only screams would mark their presence. A loud voice screeched over the crowds, "the wolfmen are attacking, dear GOD!" A young man yelled, "we must escape or we are doomed to die here!" Before the mass could react, the odious figures materialized from the shadows and began to slaughter the people with a delicate ease. Larger and even more frightening figures rode through the streets striking down others who were trying to escape the attacking beasts.

    Fires leapt from cottage to cottage, some burned alive while others sought safety only to find an even greater horror greeting them in the streets. Lord Nathaniel and two other knights had bludgeoned their way to the center of town, he looked around at the mayhem, "they will learn" he muttered. He grunted heavily and stirred his steed forward into a small crowd that had gathered. They were kneeling while one stood as if trying to pray away his men. Not this night, Nathaniel thought as he plunged his sword into the one leading the group, a dark, thick liquid gushed out coating the others in it. Behind him the two other riders felled several others who rushed to save their friend. Reigning in his horse, he turned his group around to survey the scene once again. The corpses of the townsfolk littered the ground, some dead, other bleeding to death, some wounded and looking for help. His men were exacting a gruesome toll upon these people. On the other side of the square another group of knights appeared, one raised his sword. Nathaniel untethered a horn from his saddle and blew into it. Its deep tone reverberated throughout the town, he blew into it several more times. It startled the townsfolk, and as they looked around them, the shadowy animalistic figures melted away into the night. The large men on horseback trundled back through the streets striking at anyone foolish to stay in their way.

    The night was again quiet. Only the crackle of flames and the weeping of the survivors could be heard. No one knew what had attacked them, they left behind no sign that their presence had been there save for the mangled corpses, some of which bore tooth marks. An even more horrifying scene greeted them in the morning, the full extent of the previous night's butchery was visible in vibrant light of morning. Blood, flesh, discarded materiel and clothes littered all areas of the town. Bodies could be found in almost every part of town, with some beyond identifiable. The town militia was massacred to but a man, their lifeless bodies were found torn apart in their barracks or along the ramparts. The eaters of the dead began appearing, what could not be cleaned up was eaten by them. The dazed and frightened survivors could not believe what had happened. No one would believe them, but reports of the atrocity spread like fire throughout Stosia. No one could believe it.

    A day after that horrendous night, a column of men dressed in armor approached Worddington. Shouts of joy, greeting, and exuberance met the men. There were only a hundred or so. "Lord Nathaniel! It has been a while since you have returned home!!"
    Therefore I am I must - King of Dyslexia
    My Stories:Wolfmen - Henrick Gleeson - The Woman and the Bread Roll



  2. #2

    Default Re: Wolfmen

    i like it... very active and by the way you described it, i could visualize it quite easily... keep writing, its awesome

  3. #3

    Default Re: Wolfmen

    Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it and could visualize the scene as well. And I will for sure... just have a lot on my plate
    Therefore I am I must - King of Dyslexia
    My Stories:Wolfmen - Henrick Gleeson - The Woman and the Bread Roll



  4. #4

    Default Re: Wolfmen

    Ok, get the bad points out of the way first... :-P

    So you should remember that this is only 'IMHO' so feel free to ignore me!
    1- You need to be careful of repeating yourself. Notice that you mention the Laconians being given lodgings in the town more than once.
    2- Whilst it's clear that this is a punishment raid, it's unclear what the Lord hopes to acheive by it.
    3- You say the men under his command will earn a different reputation from their actions that night - um no, they won't because their identies are evidently kept secret: no-one seems to connect Lord Nathaniel's troops with the wolfmen raiders, to the noble persona of his knights won't be compromised at all. I know you were making the point that their wolfmen reputations would be added to rather than their noble personas being changed and darkened, but this isn't particularly clear.

    Now, good points!

    1 - very good, descriptive and flowing style.
    2 - you give us a good insight into Nathaniel's mind
    3 - I cannot (as I presume you intended to be my reaction) decide if Nathaniel is a villain or a hero in this story: I like the moral almost-ambiguity :-)

  5. #5

    Default Re: Wolfmen

    First off modog, thanks for taking the time to read the story. It's been a while since I've read this story so I'll reread it before answering your questions.............. Now onto answering your questions:
    Quote Originally Posted by modog View Post
    Ok, get the bad points out of the way first... :-P

    So you should remember that this is only 'IMHO' so feel free to ignore me!
    1- You need to be careful of repeating yourself. Notice that you mention the Laconians being given lodgings in the town more than once.
    2- Whilst it's clear that this is a punishment raid, it's unclear what the Lord hopes to acheive by it.
    3- You say the men under his command will earn a different reputation from their actions that night - um no, they won't because their identies are evidently kept secret: no-one seems to connect Lord Nathaniel's troops with the wolfmen raiders, to the noble persona of his knights won't be compromised at all. I know you were making the point that their wolfmen reputations would be added to rather than their noble personas being changed and darkened, but this isn't particularly clear.
    If I ignored you I wouldn't improve as a writer
    1. Yeah I noticed that when I just reread it. If you have any suggestions on what to do lemme know!
    2. Ah... well... I was hoping the readers could discern that he wanted them punished for providing comforts for old enemies who were acting as bandits in Stosian lands.
    3. Yeah I can see how that was a bit confusing. Not sure if I'm going to change that but I'll save that comment for future references.

    Thank you for the critique!

    Now, good points!

    1 - very good, descriptive and flowing style.
    2 - you give us a good insight into Nathaniel's mind
    3 - I cannot (as I presume you intended to be my reaction) decide if Nathaniel is a villain or a hero in this story: I like the moral almost-ambiguity :-)
    YAY! Always love this part!!

    1. Gracias!
    2. Really!? Was it easy to discern his thoughts... per-say??
    3. Ah... that's for the reader to decide And yeah that's always nice for characters to have that side to them

    So thanks again for reading the story and the comments!
    Therefore I am I must - King of Dyslexia
    My Stories:Wolfmen - Henrick Gleeson - The Woman and the Bread Roll



  6. #6

    Default Re: Wolfmen

    nae probs.

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