The Critic's Quill: Issue 18

**Juvenal** · April 29, 2010, 03:08 AM

Letter from the Editor
This is a very special edition of Critic's Quill, because it marks our first anniversary!

It was on 24th April 2009 that Calvin elevated us from a mere thread in the AAR forums to the dizzy heights of official recognition as an adjunct of the Eagle Standard. The siren call of the anniversary has been so strong that Junius, our founding editor, has returned from the turbulent affairs of RL to give us another of his incisive reviews which did so much to establish us as a TWC institution.

There is a lot to read in this edition. Thermal has secured an interview with Hooahguy14, tempted over to TWC from his usual haunts at the ORG. We welcome two new members of staff; Lysimachus and Jeimuzu who present their inaugural reviews. We have some letters to the Editor, and two substantial contributions in the form of a review from ♔The Nanny♔ and an article from Skantarios.

As you can see you really have no time to lose... start reading now!

From the Editor, Juvenal

Table of Contents

Interview Section

An Interview with Hooahguy14 by... Thermal

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I quite recently realized that Hooahguy has started up his 3rd AAR, in addition to a review of it, I thought it would be interesting to talk to him about his AAR and find out about the man behind the writing. Despite not being hugely active on the TWC (more of an orgah) his writing is incredably witty and a rare treat for the TWC. I hope you all enjoy getting to know this guy and his writing much better in the next few minutes!

__________________________________________

Q1: So, what do we need to know about you? Tell us a bit about yourself, your life, whether it’s boring or full of surprises.
Well, I am 18, and a huge 80's metal addict. Most of all I am a Metallica addict (my slogan is “who needs drugs when you have Metallica?”), as you can tell from my sig. I play guitar, and an avid reader of history. I live an average life as an upperclassman in high school, but those who know me from the .ORG know that I have problems with my dad taking away my laptop every now and then.

Q2: What of your previous writing? I understand that you did a Getai AAR for Europa Barbarorum previously, Why do you choose Europa Barbarorum over other modifications?
Well, I tried all the major mods, and after much time I decided that I loved the extreme historical depth of EB over all the other mods. it was a hard choice for me, so all you RTR and SPQR fans don’t burn me in effigy please.

My first AAR was actually with Baktria, back in late 2007, or early 2008. it was so long ago I can’t even remember much from it! It was called
"A History of Baktria" for those who want to search the .ORG forums for it. It started off well, but a computer crash somehow erased my savegame file and the AAR died after about 15 updates.

after a bit I started a new one with the Getai. it started off like my Baktria one, without humor, but then Obelics started a new Romani AAR, and I had an idea that maybe I would try humor in my AAR as well. I asked him if I could use his idea. he said ok and gave me some major pointers.

that AAR lasted for around a year before I got to a point where I lost interest. I left EB for a while after that.

only recently I came back to EB after seeing a picture of EB and remembering how much I missed it.

Q3: The AAR your writing at the moment, Casey the Casse, has begun with a superb start. What made you think the faction Casse would make for a good AAR?
I chose the Casse because they are so obscure and so few people do AARs about them. plus I like the challenge of them not having any real cavalry.

Q4: You mention that you played as Casse because few people write AAR's about them, but you also did an AAR based on Getai. Do you think barbarian factions are more interesting to write about? Could you create the same sort of humor in say a Greek AAR?
Well, I suppose i could write a humorous AAR with Greeks. In fact, that's not a bad idea for my next AAR. After all, Greeks had more "wiggle room" when it came to morals, as far as I know.

I do think barbarians are more interesting because you can make them do things that arent expected, such as defeating two major Hellenic armies who had better troops than you did in the same turn. You know, smash the stereotypes that barbarians are undisciplined rabble.

Q5: Comedy plays a strong element in your AAR's, do you believe comedy AAR's are more interesting to read? What makes them rise above the rest?
I think that they are special because there are so many serious AARs out there that every now and then one has to take a breather from all the seriousness. kinda part of my life, always joking around. also, it takes another kind of creativity than the normal AAR because the story needs to tie in with the comedy.

But I have to be careful with my humor. Not to mention selective. The problem with my getai AAR was that there was a lot of forced humor, most of it not funny at all. I did this because I thought that I needed a joke in every picture. So in this AAR I tried to cut down on the forced humor, and only put in stuff that I thought was funny. That’s why not all my pictures have humor in it. Also I integrated the humor with the writing so they would relate.

Q6: AAR's are incredibly time consuming to make, how do you fit the time into your schedule?
Between band practice, working out, and school, it’s hard, but I make time, it’s worth it. Since the school year is ending soon, I find myself with a lot of time on my hands. In fact, I just finished a major research paper, which frees me up until the end of the summer.

Q7: I know that it can become tiresome to write AAR's if your heart isn't in it, but your writing doesn't show signs of this. What do you enjoy most about writing your current AAR?
I like the challenge of writing that it presents. While it’s not college-level writing, it does challenge me in the sense that a short story would.
I also like the challenge of integrating the comedy with the story itself.

Q8: I understand that you’re not British, yet this AAR is centered in Britain and seems very authentic, where do you get your inspiration from when thinking of ways to be funny, whilst remaining in character?
I credit Monty Python for almost all my British knowledge/humor. I also am a fan of British humor in general. I not long ago I got into Blackadder! Also various people, such as Brennus from the .ORG, sent me messages with different aspects of British life, a huge help, and if they are reading this I’d like to give them my public thanks. About the authenticity comment, I thank you for it, but it’s not really authentic at all. Heck, I somehow mixed up Scotland and Wales, a very shameful mistake by me, I know.

About the stay in character question, I do something which all writers should do. Make a list of all the traits that your main characters posses.
Then base how your characters act in your story off of that list.

Q9: Do you have any plans for your AAR? Do you plan on making it long, short or just see where the game takes you? Do you like to control the events depending on your ideas or let the game decide for you?
I’m going to see where the campaign takes me, but do have a very general storyline for it. I also brainstorm a lot in my free time about the campaign and potential jokes. All I know is that I probably will have to end it at the beginning of the upcoming school year. I will be taking an intensive writing course next year and my time will be occupied with this and my band. So I’ll need to end this by then, probably when Casey gets old and dies. But who knows- If I have more time I’d be glad to continue it!

Q10: You happen to be an Org member as well as a TWC member, have any writers inspired you from either site? Your writing style is reminds me of Obelics, is he an inspiration for your work or not?
I have two very important people who have influenced me. one of them you already mentioned, Obelics, who was the biggest inspiration, and the other is Chirurgeon. Obelics for the comedy inspirations, Chirurgeon for the storyline aspirations. he influenced me not to do the expected in my AARs. for that, I owe him.

Q11: It is interesting that Chirurgeon is one of your inspirations for your storyline as he was interviewed in the last issue, how would you say your writing differed from his?
For one thing, his AAR is serious. Also, he strives to research his faction and it's history, then base his exploits off it, or somewhat. I do not,
seeing that my plate is already full at the moment. I do my research based on what I need for the story. For instance, I needed to find out ancient Briton customs and structure of society, as well as their use of drugs, so I did my research and found out.

But i will say that our AARs are similar in the sense that we both tell the story from one persons view.

Q12: It is hard to be a critic to yourself, but for those reading, why is your AAR really worth a read? Would you say it had any specific strong or weak points?
To tell you the truth this is the hardest question. If people like comedy in their stories, they should read my AAR. Granted, my humor may not always be funny for all, but still it’s worth the read. I would say more but I don’t want to sound too haughty, so I won’t go into my strong points. Not that I can name them anyways. I’ll let my readers decide my strong points.

But I do have a weak point which I aim to change in Casey the Casse: when I introduced a character, I wouldn’t develop him very much, such as Kyros from my Getai AAR. I only featured him in the pictures and even then it wasn’t so much. With the addition of many characters such as Lugo, Flynnyn and Yntyn, as well as the re-introduction of Kryos, I plan to change all that.

Q13: Do you read other peoples AAR's? Other than AAR's, do you like to write other things, outside of the forums or in them?
I am always sure to read Chirurgeon’s AARs. In a matter of fact, I recommend all of them heartily. I also regularly read through Obelics’s AAR,
the Waste land (argued to be the greatest AAR of all time), for ideas. I also closely follow Marcus Aurelius Antonius’s AAR. I love his AARs because they are so massive. He even did a civil war in one of them where he somehow made a new nation, transferred control of half his empire to this country, then called it a civil war. That, in my opinion, if a stroke of genius.

I write sonnets out of school, which may seem a bit strange, but I find them to be the most beautiful form of poetry, and can convey feelings really well. I also like to vent anger/frustration in sonnet form, since it’s a very graceful way of doing so.

Q14: For those who may aspire to write as you do, have you got any tips or tricks for writing well or those considering to start up an AAR?
Chirurgeon once told me a while ago to not do the expected in my stories. That, in my opinion, is the most important advice for any AAR.
Even if you have great writing, if your story is dull, no one will want to read it.

Q15: Some less monotonous questions now, you'll be glad to hear! What is your favourite faction in EB?
The Getai, for sure! I love how strong their infantry is, and their skirmishers and archers are great as well. Plus I love fighting all the “superior”
greek nations! They pose a huge challenge, and have presented me with some of the greatest battles I have ever fought. They also play similarly to the Casse. With both factions, you start off surrounded by rebels who don’t pose much of a threat, but eventually you are forced to interact/fight with other factions that are around you. But I will admit, the Getai are more of a challenge, since you are fighting Greeks who are more advanced and better units. But then again the Casse have no cavalry.

Q16: If you had to pick just one chapter out of one of your AAR's, what would it be and why, maybe you could link us to it?
I would pick either chapter seven or chapter eight.

Chapter seven because I introduced more characters (I also think the descriptions I wrote about hem are brilliant) and I thought the humor was good. Also I began a new style of AAR for myself in that chapter. Instead of the title, I began putting views of Britain taken from the EB battle map. I think it looks better.

I would also choose chapter eight because of the twist in the storyline. I mean the accidental “invasion” of Iberia is so unexpected, after saying that I would be invading Normandy. And sinking a ship with an entire army that I spent thousands on as well as a family member was also a huge twist.

Q17: What is the most awesome thing ever in the whole of the universe and what fails the most in the whole of the universe (other than the questions I'm asking you )?
I think guitars are the greatest thing ever. Next to that is Metallica. The thing that fails the most in the universe are the Jonas Brothers. ‘nuff said.

Q18: Thanks for your responses, anything else you would like to add? Anything at all?
To read my AAR? I also want to encourage people to explore all the AARs out there. There are some fantastic stories out there.

__________________________________________

I like anyone who says that the Jonas Brothers fail

; in all seriousness though I think the last question sums it all up, really!

If you do like comedy AAR's that deliver what they are supposed to, then I recommend his. I thank Hooahguy not only for the great replies to my questions, but also the speed and co-operation he delivered them with!

Other than Casey the Casse, here are some of his previous AAR's mentioned in the interview, you can find them here:

If you scroll down a bit more you will also see a review of Casey the Casse, should you want to know more about it.

So sit back and enjoy the rest of this issue!

AAR Review Section

Casey the Casse a (humorous) Casse AAR
An EB AAR by Hooahguy14

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Why Did I Pick This?
I happened to see Hooahguy post that he had started a new AAR, the link was in his signature and he mentioned that it was (at least an attempt at) a humorous AAR. Now I'm well aware that comedy is a controversial theme to pick, with many other comedy AARs having failed to impress, so I was especially curious to see how this one fared. Even though not overly familiar with his previous works, I made a firm decision to review this AAR whatever its quality...

This all took place at the ORG, but Hooahguy has been kind enough to post his AAR at TWC also, so I could review it properly for the Quill. His co-operation throughout the process has been great and has allowed me to write about and appreciate his work much more easily. In the end what I feared might be a chore has become a thoroughly enjoyable read, and at no point did I feel I should have changed my mind.

What Is It About?
This AAR is about the expansion of Casse, as narrated by Casey (the Casse), a charioteer serving the King/Warlord who is often mistaken for a woman. He narrates and describes the expansion of Casse (the British) with a mixture of seriousness and humour intertwined.

As the story progresses, the expansion of the Casse encompasses the conquest of Britain and then moves on to land overseas. We are introduced to the main characters gradually, some not finally appearing for several chapters (a nice little feature in my opinion). As the expansion of Casse continues, the characters develop and deepen, each acquiring distinctively different personalities.

Some Important Characters

This AAR is about trying new things too, it's about lots of fighting in lots of different areas in lots of different and comical scenarios. There are some events, as touched upon in the interview, which completely surprise the reader. Given this AAR's advanced progression I feel sharing more than this about the plot could potentially ruin it should you go on to read it (which I hope some of you go on to do).

Writing
Hooahguy's writing isn't a copycat of other AARists, he has a great ability to engage the reader whilst giving them the occasional chuckle. The balance of campaign to battle is a little biased toward the battle side, but both are covered thoroughly.

Lets start with the battles. Many of which are inevitably sieges, it would have been nice to see a few more land battles and given the primitive surroundings of the Casse, Most fights take place in wooden palisade lined villages, but don't for one second think that the battles are boring. His writing is very informative, yet always manages to switch to comedy just before the reader considers skipping half the update. His writing doesn't have a serious nature and the vocabulary doesn't need to be deciphered to understand, its a solid straight-forward read.

More often than not, the best jokes are saved for the pictures themselves, with the main body of the text running at a more casual pace. However, the two modes mix excellently.

A few examples:

The battle started with a cavalry clash on the right flank. We won, easily. But because both sides had similar war paint, I’d imagine how it was easy for some to slip away.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Our slingers gave them all the help they could, but by the time our men got there, the unit of medium swordsmen already took over 75% casualties.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The writing tends to avoid high emotion, but then again this is in keeping with the nature of the AAR. By using Casey as the narrator, Hooahguy's writing still keeps closely in-touch with with its characters, it doesn't feel cut off or soulless. He is able to instill life into his AAR with a range of funny or ironic comments, like this:

Bren Barae confided in me that he was sure that after this disaster that Briton would never become a major sea power. “We Britons just aren’t meant to be on the sea."

The main characters are also a main source for the writing, all of which have humorous elements. I thoroughly enjoy how he has incorporated characters so that we know who is saying what from the distinctive appearances and behavior he has created for each. I find myself waiting impatiently for each new installment, wondering what each character will do next time. Despite there being a lot of siege battles, they are all varied as the reader is treated to topics ranging from talk about the leader and his heirs, the enemies forces and his own sides forces as well as coverage of what the characters get up to between battles.

I also personally think his writing has a sense of authenticity. Despite mixing up Wales and Scotland (which is no biggie) he captures a stereotypical Britain very well and describes British customs quite accurately for someone who isn't British. The campaign also receives a bit of coverage, usually at the start of each update or the very end, it allows us to see exactly where the fights are taking place and how quickly the Casse are expanding. The writing that accompanies it is minimalist, generally saving the big humour for the battles, but certainly not all of it:

But before we arrived at Ictis, our diplomats tried bribing the city to surrender, but it didn't work and we had to lay siege to the town.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

In my opinion, whilst sometimes a little immature, his comedy is incredibly funny (and I haven't even picked the best moments out either).

Aesthetics & Grammar
The font, colour and size is all of the default TWC appearance, for me this fits the bill perfectly, why tamper with a good thing?

The Author updates his AAR frequently, the updates aren't particularly big, but they are delivered regularly and are of good quality. The grammar is sound, he makes few enough errors in spelling that it doesn't affect the read at all. This Author shows that Grammar can be a friend, not a foe, the only thing that may be noticeable is very occasional missing capital letters, such as i instead of 'I' , but this really doesn't damage the story in any way whatsoever. His punctuation is well balanced between commas and full stops, some Authors (such as myself [FIXED: Ed]) often get carried away with the comma, but I haven't witnessed this in Hooahguy's AAR at all.

Pictures
One thing that should be mentioned is that this AAR is heavily picture-reliant, given that Hooahguy leaves writing in his pictures in Obelics-style speech bubbles, this doesn't make it a bad thing. But without the pictures the characters couldn't be portrayed as well and the little comedy sketches couldn't be done. Should his hosting disappear this AAR would
not be a scratch on what it is right now, but luckily his photobucket is alive and well and the AAR looks fantastic!

Not all of the pictures have speech bubbles on main characters talking. As he mentions in the interview, Hoohaguy has calmed it down a bit since posting speech marks in every picture was becoming a chore, now he uses the feature in about 6/10 of pictures, which keeps the humour to a high quality as well as allowing us to appreciate unedited game footage.

Here are a few of the pictures:

Gallery

Picture one shows how Hooahguy has even added commentary to campaign images, which relate to the story and make those familiar pictures all the more interesting. The second picture is an introduction to a chapter, he started doing these from about chapter 7 onward and just adds to the detail delivered in each update. By giving each update a chapter and a name, it feels as if were reading a book, which is a good idea in my opinion. Pictures 3 and 4 are examples of the more funny pictures with the speech bubble text, whilst the last 3 are simply glorious images of the battle... and the dead bodies, of course.

The pictures are dominant, fork-lifted from the game in generous amounts, but that's what makes the AAR interesting in some senses. Despite perhaps not being as technical as some AARs, I simply love reading this one. One minor criticism I could give, which is applicable for most AARs, is the use of mostly just close up screen shots, despite all of the pictures looking great, It is nice to get an overall view of the battlefield occasionally too.

Conclusion
Hooahguy combines informative writing with successful comedy and ample variety of pictures to make it an incredably strong AAR and easily one of the most readable out there. Its grammar is safe, the writing is economical, but high quality and never bores the reader. With its cpious amounts of character and charm, I think this AAR is a winner, provided you don't mind its reliance of pictures.

Here are the author's own comments, made in his opening post:

Author’s foreword- after many months away from EB, I have decided to come back, and of course, do another AAR. For those who read my last AAR, with the Getai, know that I like to put a humorous twist in my tales. Of course, not all of it is funny, for my humor is quite selective, and, I will admit, not always funny to the average reader. For this AAR, I tried to implement many aspects of British life like teatime and crumpets and other stereotypes, but none of my jokes are meant to offend. So in advance, I'm sorry if I offend any of my British friends. And because this isn’t a serious AAR, I did use the add money cheat. Sorry, for those who take offense.

In addition, in my last AAR, there was an excessive amount of forced humor, much of it not funny at all. Hell, I don’t even know if this AAR is funny for you, or if it will be a big, bloody flop. so this time not every picture will have a "joke" in it, in order to get better jokes in the mix. Well, I hope you enjoy this AAR, and comments are always encouraged!

(If you have ideas for jokes PM them to me, ill be glad to take them, I know nil about British culture (or geography) save from what I learn from the Monty Python movies.)

As you can see, this writer has tried hard to deliver something special and they have made a piece of writing which is, by today's AAR writing standards, pretty unique.

So, If your feeling grumpy and your in search of a smile, read this AAR my friends!

Review by Thermal

Vendetta Papale
A DMUC AAR by ♛☧Priscilla☧♛

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

As a reviewer, I feel obligated to put my biases and personal preferences on the table up front, so that you, as a reader, may better better assess my objectively or subjectivity in any particular aspect of my review. I have no prior friendship with the author...indeed, very little contact at all save the occasional supportive post in the AAR forum. I prefer personal, character-driven stories rather than 10,000 ft views of grand campaigns and sweeping empires. And, despite my own recent work, if all things are equal, I prefer good old-fashioned writing to videos and pictures. Ok, enough pre-amble...let the games begin!

VENDETTA PAPALE
This is an Empire Total War AAR, written by Priscilla. She writes in first-person voice through the diary entries of three main characters - General Enrico Caboto; Dragoon Officer Giovanni da Costa; and Swiss Guard Commandant, Johann Konrad von Altishofen - all soldiers in the Papal States (Italian) faction. This alone catches the reader's attention, and coupled with the heavy religious verbiage of "heresy", "faith" and "His Holiness" in the first paragraph, we are immediately put on notice: this is NOT your grandfather's AAR!

The plot follows war and intrigue throughout the Mediterranean and up through central Europe as the Papal States try to bring back the True Faith to the lost souls and heretical monarchs of Europe, the near East, and northern Africa.

From the outset, you have the impression that not all is wonderful in paradise, and that there is a canyon between the Papal leaders and the soldiers on the ground. Intrigue and descriptions about conflicting goals and needs within the Papal leadership allows the reader to imagine a thrust and parry with the campaign AI, as if more is going on in the story than their probably was in the actual game-play.

I particularly enjoyed the entries from General Enrico Caboto, a flawed man aware of his limitations, whose occasional hand-wringing leads the reader to believe that this won't be an AAR about dozens of improbably victories:

"All that aside, I have to clear my mind. After all I'm in charge of the upcoming siege and I don't even know how to line up infantry properly. They sure look like they can take care of themselves though, so my appointment as a commander was just symbolical. I hope."

The pictures are rich, vibrant, relevant to the story and used to great effect without distracting from the real strengths of the story. They augment the text, but bring nothing new to the story which is just fine. With an AAR focused on a faction most never get to play, these pictures allow the reader to appreciate the uniqueness and splendor of the Swiss Guard uniforms and the wonderful colours of the Italian State infantry.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Some earlier pictures could be more carefully cropped, but the author has improved on this in later entries.

The language is generally very appropriate, with the author managing to give each character a unique voice. Occasionally, the language is noticeably modern, with phrases like "it looks like those big shots back home" breaking up the immersion. Some minor spelling errors can be found, but nothing glaring enough to break the reading pace. But make no mistake, there are many gems to be found in the writing. An entry about cavalry weapons exemplifies such flavour:

"But (and there is always a but, alas) such long weapons are very unwieldy in close melee once the charge is out of breath, putting those who hold them at an abrupt disadvantage."

Strangely, in this Total War AAR, it is the battle descriptions that stand out the least, except for those areas where the author has added the personal colour and opinions of the character involved. In one such scene, where a collapsed building kills dozens of enemy soldiers, the diary entry reads "I guess it's their commander's fault for underestimating the range of our arty". This flippancy, in a scene where Priscilla could have milked it for dramatic brownie points, remained totally consistent with the character, and better suited the tone than some go-for-the-Kleenex James Cameron moment.

It is clear the author has prior knowledge of religious or papal history, or at the least a very qualified lay study of the topic. Priscilla's passion for the subject matter shines through...and in a nutshell, that is the charm of this AAR. There are many well written AARs, including this one, but rare is the tale that literally takes you into a new world. This AAR is unique, and it is tight. Not every aspect of the story or the campaign is included, much to the benefit of the AAR. There are a few gaps in time, giving the AAR a quick pace that isn't bogged down by the mundane, and giving the reader the sense at larger, nebulous events surrounding the heart of the story: the lives of its three main characters. As one passage reads:

"It almost made me think something wasn't right... But oh well, I'll leave such questions for greater minds. Now I will have a well-deserved hot meal!"

My sympathy goes out to anyone who didn't look beyond the opening page of this AAR, which clearly advertises a strange and new experience, told in the unique language of religious fervor, and playing with a faction and units normally unavailable without community mods. A quick note from Priscilla revealed that she uses DarthMod, with a few added goodies of her own to enrich the units. After reading Vendetta Papale, fellow AAR authors will be forced to ask themselves: what am I bringing to the AAR library that is truly unique?

Review by ♔The Nanny♔

A United God Loving Europe
An M2TW AAR by The Dutch Devil

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Introduction
A United God Loving Europe in my opinion is a very interesting AAR, in terms of its variety. The author attempts many different styles of writing, giving an overall view of what's going on, an overview of the battle, scenes of battle featuring the general/captain and an actual story. Unfortunately I feel that he was unable to sufficiently develop any of these aspects except the last, which I shall examine later in this review.

Siege of Thessalonica
After a shaky start, the AAR seems to gain its sea-legs. Rather than trying to do one hundred things at once, The Dutch Devil starts to focus on his characters and develops them more. For example, during the chapter on the Siege of Thessalonica he focuses on the character Blane and the battle from his perspective:

Blane's eyes shot from enemy to enemy looking for a target, looking for a rookie someone who hadn't yet experienced war. Ah, there was a young Venetian who probably has never touched a weapon before today, Blane rushed towards him looking to finish him of with one blow of his sword. Blane raised his sword and saw the terrified look in the eyes of the young soldier who had dropped his weapon and was trying to turn around and make run for it. On the moment Blane lowered his sword his arm was jerked back by a Venetian soldier who bravely blocked Blane's sword with his spear.

He opened his wide open on the moment that massive swordsmen, this demon from hell turned around to face him. In the last seconds of his life he looked over his shoulder and saw his little brother running away to safety, and the last thing he felt was the cold steel being pulled out his chest.

The Black Death
This section is even better than the siege eposodes and I honestly feel this is where his writing talent really shines. He describes the aftermath of the siege. People perish in droves, the new flagellants whip themselves to try and atone for their sins and his character Kiril is stuck in the middle of all of it. The Dutch Devil is able to create a malevolent, cold atmosphere of death and despair, constantly and effectively throughout all his updates as Kiril desperately tries to avoid the flagellants and seeks sanctuary in the city's Cathedral. Part 1 of this section sets the scene very effectively:

"We are punished by god with this disease, therefore we shall also punish ourselves!" Kiril heard the sound of leather being smashed into human flesh and the groining of flagellants. Flogging themselves because they believed that the bubonic plague was the punishment of god and that they could avert a terrible death by showing remorse. Kiril hid himself in an alleyway afraid of the flagellants, 3 weeks ago the first people had became sick. After a few days almost everybody living in the slums of Thessalonica were sick and the first beggars that became sick had died. Everybody thought it was normal, small epidemics were normal especially in the slums but after another 3 days the rumor was going around that everywhere in the town people were becoming ill. Kiril Remembered those first days well he had used the panic to find himself a house, after a asking a few innocent questions he found out that a carpenter's house was empty because all its inhabitants had died. Kiril had just walked in through the door and acted like he owned the house. Because of the panic nobody had noticed. But after 2 weeks Kiril became worried about a quarter of the town had died and almost everyone else had left hoping to evade this infernal disease.

By now the city was literally a ghost town, the garrison was halved and nobody walked the streets during daylight. Kiril held a soft cloth before his face to drive out the stench of rotting bodies. All the houses he had passed were marked by a red cross meaning that the inhabitants of that house had died or were suffering from the bubonic plague. But now he was hiding from the flagellants who became more aggressive with the day,

After a series of melancholic, dark and evil updates he returns to the main story of the AAR. A highlight of the later part of this is an update based in the city of Venice. The Dutch Devil once again shows his skill in describing a scene, with soldiers moving around in the city preparing it for an upcoming attack and he is able to create a bustling, active but serious setting.

Critique
The AAR begins with an explanation of the date, what the author intends to do and a bit of background. Unfortunately, he seems to become confused half way through. First he's giving an overview, and then goes in to the first person, and in that same sentence he then assumes the third person perspective again!

As you can see I'm the Scottish king. And I'm in control of some nice real-estate. But sadly only one other Emperor has a bigger empire the pope!

What also disappointed me, is that there was no sense of time throughout the story. In the opening post, it is stated that it is 1318, but the battles don't offer any clear dates and therefore it seems like he is just telling us about a series of separate, non-chronological events not helped by the fact that in the battles he states things like "3 weeks later" when we haven't got a clue when it's set in the first place. The AAR also has typos and grammatical errors sprinkled throughout it. On the bright side however, there are funny parts in the story too. For example, there is a scene where the Scottish King needs the concept of upkeep explained to him and he makes such errors that only a half-wit could make:

"But how is it possible that we're losing money? I mean we own Iberia, those two islands in the Mediterranean and Scandinavia, it's just not possible that we lose money I tell you." The king madly replied to the Master Treasurer. "But my Lord the upkeep is just too much, we can't afford all these armies" The Master Treasurer calmly explained. "Nonsense! You're just taking money for yourself and thinking about running away are you?" As the king stood up he reached for his sword, but on the last moment he checked himself and sat back down, a few seconds later the Master Treasurer lifted his head from under the table and looked at his king to check if he wouldn't be killed now. "Alright explain it to me one more time, how does the upkeep system work?" The king asked. "Well it's simple every soldiers gets a yearly salary and we also pay for the upkeep of their armor." The Master Treasurer replied. "But I just don't get why do we have to pay the soldiers money." "Well that's simple, My Lord I will give you a example:" The Master treasure reached for the bowl of fruit and took out two apples and about twenty grapes. "My Lord, let's just say that I am a greengrocer and that I offer you my grapes for sale." "Well thats ridiculous! You're stealing my grapes , I shall have you hanged."

Conclusion
I feel that although the author set off to a rocky start, he was able to make a 360 degree turn in his story, going from vague battle scenes all the way to creating a gripping story in a desolate city. I don't think giving an overview of events is particularly his forte, but that he should continue with the storylines he has made, which allows him to develop his characters and make for an intriguing storyline. At first I wasn't impressed with what he had done, but despite a few errors I feel he has gotten to the stage where he has overcome these problems and has made an AAR which is a pretty damned-good read. I well and truly suggest that you read it for yourself, it'll grab you right in!

Review by Lysimachus

Europe's Most Hated: A Milanese AAR
A Stainless Steel AAR by Valandur

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Story
This story immediately caught my eye with its catchy title, “Europe's Most Hated” followed by the mention of infamous Milan faction. Once I had read the explanation provided in the first post, I knew things were going to get interesting.

The author sets out his aims and a very detailed explanation for his choice of faction, making it clear the length of time spent on the story before it had even got started. I was not disappointed! The AAR starts off with a “History of Milan”, detailing recent events in this small city state. This was great because it set out the characters, providing back-stories for the whole ruling family of Milan. These are built upon during the story, really humanising them. It's these touches that make this AAR different from many in that it actually feels as if you are reading a story, as opposed to sitting watching somebody play the game. As well as introducing the characters, the relationship between Milan and it's neighbour Venice is also set up, with a great battle between the two cities being described in detail. This rivalry is really built upon well throughout the story, especially as new nations are thrown into the mix, such as Sicily, France and the Holy Roman Empire.

Originally Posted by History of Milan

The defending army of Milanese consisted of many archers and a few heavy infantry battalions, intending on holding the bridge for as long as possible. The Venetian army attacked and were repulsed with heavy casualties, but a quarter of the defending Milanese were wounded or slain. The Venetians attacked again a day later and forced the bridge from the Milanese and fighting became heavy on the western shore of the Po. In that moment, the second Milanese army came up from behind the Venetians and the cavalry trampled the Venetians still crossing the bridge and the enemy army routed. The Venetians fighting on the western side of the Po surrendered or dived into the river, only to be drowned or shot by the Milanese archers. Half the Venetian army was dead or captured and the other half returned home, tired, ragged, wounded and were never to fight again. The power of Venice was broken and Milan had peace.

Originally Posted by History of Milan

In 1030 AD, the city of Milan, under the aristocratic leadership of Duke Balimo declared its independance from The dying Holy Roman Empire. The newly formed city-state immediately gained natural enemies. In 1037 AD, a French Army from Marsielles broke into the lands surrounding the city of Milan and ravaged them, crippling Milanese agriculture. Milan's army of militia, untrained but desperate, destroyed the French Army near the foothills of the European Alps in 1038 AD, but Duke Balimo fell in that battle, and his 32 year old son, Lugio, took over leadership of the Duchy,

As the story continues, each move by Duke Georgio, ruler of Milan is described in detail. Valandur explains his political motivations as well as other factors influencing his decisions. This is done with most characters, and really is what makes the AAR as good as it is in my opinion. The action starts off when the Duke's son, Christoforo, is sent with the army to capture the rebel city of Florence. The style of writing for the battles is similar to that for the campaign, Valandur making the effort to add depth to what is shown in the pictures.

Originally Posted by The Siege of Florence

Desiring to end this and winter in proper shelter this year, Cristorofo orders his spearman to attack the charging enemy and battle is met outside the city. The first battaltion of spearman clash head on with two italian militia units under Rebel command. The Rebels immediately start losing ground as the weak soldiers are slain easily by the fresh Milanese men. Cristorofo orders the second unit of spearman to attack the enemy who are assailed on the left flank. Both of the enemy units become cut off as Milanese Spearman circle the fighting and hit them from behind.

The story continues throughout the 12^th and 13^th centuries, and the author is extremely consistent with the style and quality of the writing, as the problems faced by Duke Georgio and his ever growing nation are told. These range from the conquest of Sardinia and the frustration of the Duke when obstacles come up, down to smaller, “sub-stories” if you will, telling of the troubles with bandits raiding trade routes that need to be stopped and the wars between other nations. In these little stories, Valandur drops hints as to where the campaign will take him.

Images
Personally, images are a big part of an AAR, but unfortunately the author has included one of my pet peeves, that of unedited full screen shots. For me, this takes away some of the immersion created by the wonderful text and story. That said, the pictures are still relevant as they give you a picture of what is going on in the campaign map and in the battles.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Critique and Advice for Improvement
I have to say, there is very little that I could reasonable point out that needs improving, apart from some minor spelling errors and the aforementioned picture problem. This may only be a problem for me, as I can fully understand why one would not bother with editing pictures if you are producing a sizeable update on a, so far, daily basis. That said, there is always room for improvement in every aspect, and it is always worth looking for tips, such as Junius' writing guide and his screenshot guide.

Conclusion
This had been one of the most enjoyable AARs I have read in quite a while, with a good writing style which creates a highly immersive story, although let down slightly by the screenshots. This is Valandurs first AAR, and as many know, AAR writing is a continous learning process for everybody, even the most experienced. I wish Valandur the best of luck with his future pieces, as I am sure they will be a hit, especially if he sharpens up his picture selection and continues to develop his writing style.

Review by Jeimuzu

A Hero in Elf's clothing
A Dragon Age: Origins AAR by the award-winning Beer Money

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Story
This is the first AAR of its kind to make its home here on TWC. The masterful writer Beer Money has put aside the Total War genre for the moment. No doubt tired of all the war and grand strategy. But do not despair. Like Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi, Beer Money has come back with a new AAR based on a totally different game. The game is Dragon Age: Origins. Bioware's latest RPG game that has won critical acclaim and is hugely popular among fans. The game takes place in the mystical world of Ferelden, where a new evil is rising (as usual) and a band of heroes must stand up and fight the good fight to save mankind. This particular story is told from the perspective of the author's main character Johnj, pronounced Yo-nee in the Elven tongue. A young Elf mage who sets out to do good and defeat the great evil, with a group of companions trailing behind him. The AAR follows the direction of the main campaign; the quests our protagonist completes and also introduces new characters that we meet as we progress through the story. The game is based on the vanilla or unmodded version of Dragon Age, though mods do exist the author has chosen not to use any.

Writing Style
It comes as quite a shock to tell you this but reading through the story it becomes apparent that this particular piece of prose isn't one of Beer Money's best. Following the story and reading the sentences, it's clear that the game takes a linear direction and the writing comes off as somewhat robotic and logical. While it is hard to craft an imaginative tale from a one way street game, I feel that the story could have been further developed in between quests and sequences. The game itself offers lots of dialogue and interaction between traveling places or resting for the night, some of this would have been a welcome addition into this tale to add depth and show us more of the characters. The AAR is quite fast in introducing new characters while not really expanding on the current ones we are involved with. Before the end of the second chapter, 3 new characters have joined the party already with only very minor details or even none provided about them, aside from their names. Beer Money has also tried a different tactic in this particular piece, there is a distinct injection of sarcasm and comedy present. See here:

Originally Posted by The Story

Turns out the guy, Sten, is in a cage for murder. Join the club. Oh wait? Of 9 people at once you say? Considering we should start calling ourselves Grey Wardens, murder chapter, I figure we could use his muscle. I mean whats the worst thing that could happen when you free a 7 foot murdering sociopath and then invite him to spend the evenings with you out on the open road where no one can hear you scream?

Truth be told these small sequences are mildly amusing and Beer Money seems to have pulled it off pretty well. The average reader should have a laugh reading passages such as these as they are scattered throughout the AAR. Though one thing that wasn't too appealing is the sleazy nature of some of the writing in regards to one of the characters. A young female mage in particular who doesn't like to cover up much of her skin. Some dialogue between the characters didn't really need to be said in my opinion. It detracted from the story and readers would probably be thinking what?

For example:

Originally Posted by The Story

As we continue towards our destination, I ask Allistair, "You saw that right?"
He knows what Im talking about but wont admit it. He didnt want her to come but now he's all googly-eyed for her. Cant blame him though. I mean seriously, those things just bounce around all day. "What?" He asks.
"You know, Morrigan."

And also

Originally Posted by The Story

Even Baruk wont go near her after she morphs back into slut form.

While it looks to be another attempt at adding in some comedy I feel it wasn't the most appropriate way to do it. Don't get me wrong, I love women as much as the next guy, but making these sorts of comments about an animated female character don't really help the story all that much, if at all. The use of profane and slang language too is a bit of a worry. There probably were a dozen better ways to show teasing and competition between two characters and I feel the way in which the author chose to show this is beneath him. But each to his own, a man tells his own tale, some people will be amused by it and others will not.

Images
Onto the best bits of the AAR now, the screenshots. As usual Beer Money knows how to take great shots that depict the scene wonderfully. He's also a master at writing those small captions that just seem to fit so well. For example:

Originally Posted by The Story

I feel invogorated and alive. Or maybe it was just the sun.

Another example of a simple picture used to emote the audience which Beer Money does so well. People will laugh when they see this and that was the intention of the author I'm sure.

Another great shot that shows us the atmosphere of the game and gives us an idea of what the characters are going through. This image fills you with a sense of foreboding and dread, the evil castle that is filled with terrors and nightmares, the undead! It doesn't look very inviting does it? Would YOU want to go in there and fight whatever is inside? I think not!

Critique and Summary
We're at the end now, what a journey it's been. We've been introduced to a brand new game and type of AAR here. We've seen the characters and unfortunately don't really know a lot about them. It's clear though that the story improves as it progresses, the earlier updates aren't too hot but the later ones go into more detail and we learn a bit more about the plot and game in general. I would advise the author to keep using those pictures to full effect and to continue to develop the story, focusing in particular on the characters and their development. Perhaps include some of those in-between scenes I mentioned earlier; in the game they do a great job of telling us about the characters and they give the player the option of learning lots of interesting things. The same effect could be replicated for this AAR quite easily. Continue with the comedy segments though take care in how you portray them. A dash of sarcasm and humour is good for any AAR but try not to scare your readers off with strong language and questionable dialogue/comments.

A good effort from Beer Money as we have come to expect but definitely not in the same league as his award winning Total War AAR's.

Review by Saint Nicholas

Athanati Este: A Byzantine AAR
A Stainless Steel AAR by Hollowfang

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

As the title suggests this is a Byzantine Empire AAR. Based off a submod for Stainless Steel, Basileia ton Romaion, it is the rookie effort from Hollowfang. The Byzantine campaign is one full of possibilities for grand and epic story telling, a good launch pad for an eager beginner.

A useful inclusion for writers, of any standard or vintage, is to set out the goals and aims of an AAR at the beginning. That way they, and their readers, know in what direction the story is going, and it gives a purpose to all the chapters and updates. It is covered much more in Skatarios's excellent article also in this issue. Without such a mission statement you often find incoherent or rambling updates which lend nothing much to the story. Hollowfang does include one, and works it well into his story. The prelude is an 'extract' from a fictitious history book and clearly states that we will be witnessing the conquest of Anatolia and the Balkans before a show down with mighty Turks. All standard stuff for an AAR so far, but it is an important element, especially for a new writer who might get side tracked.

The story is told through a chronicler at the Byzantine court, though it is very much in the author's voice. It is light, entertaining stuff, but with no real substance or character. The story is narrated well, with little touches that really enhanced my enjoyment. Hollowfang was particularly successful is adding in little bits of comedy and humour, which did not become the focus of the story, and were genuinely funny. The formula used to tell the story is a tried and tested one, a picture highlighting a particular event with a few sentences adding some detail or flavour to it all. This leaves little space for intricate narrative or character development, which is almost absent from the story, but since this is not the main, or even ancillary, focus of the AAR it does not detract from it.

The pictures, as pointed out, are important to the telling of this story. While in the first you posts they were large and uncropped screen captures of the entire UI, something which I find hard to forgive, Hollowfang does improve quite early on. Without respect to the first few examples they are well done, highlighting only what is needed. One thing which I have to commend Hollowfang for is his use of maps.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

These show us the plans and machinations of the Emperor and really add to the limited immersion of the story. It is something I'd urge AAR writers to take a look at and emulate.

The battle scenes are played out much in the same way as the campaign sections, we are given a picture and some flavour text accompanying it. I must say that this is not Hollowfang's strongest area, and there is some room for improvement. The text is quite bland and there is no real excitement, and while the pictures may add some action to the whole affair, very often they are small, blurry or just don't have the level of action in them you come to expect. They are the poorest area of this AAR, in that it fails to achieve what it sets out to do.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

There are a number of grammatical and spelling errors, but these can be overlooked. Hollowfang is not a native English speaker, haling from Brazil, which shows through in some parts, but these are not numerous or glaring enough to have any effect on the overall quality of the AAR.

Overall I'd rank this AAR highly. It has no pretensions to depict an intricate plot with varied and heavily realised characters. Instead it chooses to be a highly readable adventure story charting the rise of an empire. There are some stand out elements which make this first time effort a good AAR, such as the extra maps included by Hollowfang or the humorous asides of the cynical narrator. Don't come into this AAR hoping for something new or complicated, but if you want a fun, light story I would have no trouble recommending this AAR to you.

Review by Junius

Article Section

My Ten Rules for Writing an AAR

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

1. Be passionate about what you write. You have to really want to write about the subject. If you don't feel passion for your character/faction/story, you will procrastinate doing updates and soon enough, you will have lost the bubble and be so far behind that you just don't want to start again. Also, know up front that this endeavour is going to take a lot of time. Take your worst estimate and then triple it and you will probably be getting close. For myself, I easily spend three hours writing and editing for every hour of actual playing. If you don't really want to write the story for its own sake, you won't.

2. Define the scope. You can define it by the conquest of a certain number of provinces, the destruction of an opposing faction, the capture of a specific city, or whatever. If you decide to change your mind later on, no worries. For my own AAR, I have limited it to the life of one character. Whereas this has made the scope larger and longer than I had originally thought, it does give a definite end time to the AAR. Just having a defined end to the work is liberating in and of itself.

3. Be realistic about what you can do. If you aren't going to have the time to post in the next week, just accept that and make an appointment to get back to it when you can. It also helps your readers to not get antsy waiting for you to update. If you do have a long break, make sure you commit to doing it at a defined point in the future or you will find it very hard to start again.

4. Try to define a format early for how you want to present your information. How will you present the battles? What information will you include? Will you post maps every time? Are you going to have dialog? If so, when will you include it. Do a test post where you present a single chapter/turn/campaign and then go back and edit it again and again until you are satisfied with the presentation. That way, you can use it for every future post and know the areas that you need to address for every post to follow. The format is not a rule but will be a helpful guideline. It will probably evolve as you go along but it helps to have something done up front to serve as your guide.

5. Take notes. I keep a separate document where I make short notes about what happened each turn. That way, when my game play gets ahead of the story, I can go back and know how the exact sequence of things happened. It helps with the flow of the story and to keep you on track. Also, if you happen to have a great idea that goes along with something that just happened, write it down before you forget about it; because you probably will.

6. Back up your files! Make a save for every turn or every 2-3 turns. When you get to a certain point (every ten turns or so), make a separate backup folder of your saves in another location (or better yet, another drive) so that if the file gets corrupted, you can reload. I have seen a lot of AARs die an untimely death because someone lost the save game file and can't recreate it (at least that was their story). The whole process takes about five minutes and can save you untold hours (or the whole AAR) trying to get back to where you left off.

7. Review and spell check. Having simple errors in the wording or sequence can really take away from the "punch" of the update. Make yourself re-read the entire post before submitting; that is what the "Preview Post" is all about. Better yet, copy the whole thing into a Word document and then let the automatic spell check catch your errors. It is another simple thing that can save a lot of "edit post"-ing later on.

8. Save your post to a Word document before you submit. Often times, it can take so long to get a post together that when you hit "Submit" you have timed out of the login and the forum rejects the post. Hit the "Back" button and you will find that you have lost the entire thing. Again, this is a simple process that can save you hours and hours of recreating your work. For myself, I have gone one step further and just before I hit submit, I will "select all" and then "copy" the update into a separate post (but not submit it) just in case this happens - because it will; and you will hate it.

9. If you can't finish it, be honest. If for some reason you have decided to end the AAR, just say so. It happens; people will understand. I have seen a lot of lame excuses about losing files or hardware glitches when people begin to complain about no updates. Just let people know the AAR is over and be done with it. Don't drag it out if you really have no intention of keeping going.

10. Don't get discouraged. You are going to have problems and setbacks - accept that. You won't get a lot of replies at first - don't worry about it. Write the AAR for yourself and don't worry about who has or hasn't written you back. The AARs that are well done can take weeks or even months to catch on. Just know that going in and keep going. As I said in my first rule, you have to be passionate about what you are writing for its own sake - not for the comments or rep you get.

By Skantarios

The Scriptorium Christmas Writing Competition

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Here was another Scriptorium competition where my own entry sunk straight to the bottom. However this time I could see why, since I had failed to properly realise my idea, leaving the poor thing a mere curiosity rather than the tour-de-force I had been anticipating.

War and Christmas
By Rarardir

Third Place: A midshipman on a British warship of the Napoleonic wars becomes a hero fighting the French.

The story

The wind was howling and the waves were lashing against the bow of HMS Wharf, her Captain was John Harringdale a middle aged man who was ravaged by war. He had orders to meet a convoy off the coast of Norway which in the winter months are ravaged by storms and blizzards. But this story is not about Captain Harringdale and his many exploits against the French, but about Charles Horrington a lowly Midshipman who was nigh in his mid twenties and suffered terribly against the cold weather.

“Sails on the horizon” cried a man from up in the rigging, “quick Mister Horrington take a look through your telescope and tell us what you see” said Lieutenant Appleby who was a large set fellow who's cheeks seemed to have gone bright red in the cold weather “there seems to be a blizzard Sir, I can hardly make out how many ships there are and what colours there flying” “Sir there is a blizzard between us and them, we can't tell whether there ares or the enemies” Appleby said looking up at Captain Harringdale who was stood on the side leaning out while peering into the distance, “well Mr Appleby that's the location were meeting the convoy so we have no choice we have to sail out to them, beat to quarters incase they are the French”. And with that Lieutenant Appleby gave out such a shout everyone thought that it shook the snow off the rigging but it was the ship entering the blizzard. “Well what are you waiting for Mr Horrington, I just gave the order to beat to quarters so get moving to your station, you should find yourself lucky yours is below deck out of this dam cold”. “bloody cold, bloody ship, bloody enemy” Charles mumbled to himself as he scurried bellow deck, “come on lads get those cannons loaded that could be ol'slimey out there waiting for us”, there was many a hurry bellow deck guns moving out here and there powder monkeys running to and fro and the drums beating above deck sounded like thunder crashing down to earth. As Charles stood there waiting to give the order to fire, he heard cheers above deck and the sound of other ships in the water, a man ran down nearly slipping on the snow and shouted “its all right lads there ours” “all right lads back to your stations” shouted Charles as he headed back above deck, the blizzard was still raging and seemed to be having its own battle in the heavens, “Ah Horrington glad to see you back above deck, this darn snow doesn't seem to show signs of stopping, but luckily we don't have to fight in it” said Lieutenant Appleby taking off his hat and brushing the snow off it, but as Appleby was talking Charles was taking little notice, he was watching Captain Harringdale stood on the side shouting to another ship, he could hear little that was being shouted but he heard snippets here and there “If we sail now we could intercept them” or “The blizzard is too strong we'll be blow too far west” it seemed Captain Harringdale got his own way and the convoy was to sail out to intercept some French frigates as he gathered as he heard Appleby talking with another Lieutenant.

Two days passed until they came out of the blizzard and finally Charles looked around and saw about six more British frigates had joined the convoy in the night, “Mister Appleby Sir are we expecting more than intercepting a convoy, as I noticed more ships have joined us” Appleby turned round and looked at Charles stood there shivering “Well Mister Horrington Sir, I think you shouldn't ask such questions out in the open were crew could hear, but all I can say is your guessing is probably right, we should intercept them within three days if the wind is still in our favour” “That will be Christmas day Sir” said Charles trying to stop himself shivering “Ah so it will be, well then it'll be one hell of a Christmas, your shivering Sir” “yes I seem to suffer from the cold more than others” “Well go get some grog down you that'll warm you up” “thank you Sir” said Charles and he turned and went to find a drop of grog to warm his bones.

On the morning of the third day Charles was shaken suddenly by another Midshipman “Wake up Charles its the 25th, Christmas” Charles mumbled as he sat up, it was bitterly cold and Charles jumped into his uniform as quick as he could, as he neared the he hatch to go up he noticed flakes of snow seeping in, “ah bloody snow again” Charles muttered as he climbed the steps onto the deck. There was a thick fog all around and the snow was getting more heavy. Charles looked and saw Lieutenant Appleby and Captain Harringdale talking on deck, Charles edged his way nearer to hear what they were saying, “the fog is very thick sir we can hardly see our own ships never mind that of the enemies” “So your right Mister Appleby, give out an extra ration of grog since its Christmas and put on extra watch incase old slimey tries to take us unaware” . There crew was very merry on deck but kept there voices down and even the Lieutenants joined in on some of it saying “Its Christmas after all”. But just as Captain Harringdale ordered for there to be food brought out there was an almighty bang in the distance then more and shouts carried on the fog, all the crew rushed to the side and saw lights in the distance every time there was a light shortly after there was a bang “beat to quarters” shouted Captain Harringdale every body was rushing around ad people handing out weapons and as Charles was about to go down below deck he heard Lieutenant Appleby shout over to Captain Harringdale “We've drifted to far south Sir the rest of the convoy must of met the French”. “Quick lads there battering our ships lets give them a Christmas present they wont forget” Charles shouted at the top of his voice. An hour passed and still there was nothing, all the bangs in the distance seemed to have ceased, an member of the crew turned around to Charles “We should of reached them by now Sir” “I know I'll take a look above deck”, as Charles peered out of the hatch he saw everybody stood at the side of the ship looking out, Charles went up to the side and saw pieces of wood and bodies floating everywhere and every now and then the top of a ship or some masts disappeared under the water, “look Sir a ship flying French colours he's trying to sail away” everyone looked up to the man shouting in the rigging, “everyone back to stations we'll catch that French ship and they'll wish they were born” everyone looked in amazement expecting Captain Harringdale to be stood there but it was a lowly Midshipman stood there shivering “Lieutenant Appleby give that lad a promotion if he survives this” “eye Captain, looks like you should get back below deck Charles” said Appleby smiling at Charles “Sir” and that's all Charles could say as he turned and went back below deck. The ports opened and the guns were run out “wait for it” shouted Charles, they came alongside the French vessel “Fire” shouted Charles there was a loud bang and everyone went deaf for a minute “you hit there powder store Sir” said a member of crew turning around to Charles, but before he could answer back he heard Lieutenant Appleby's voice shouting down below “Everyone on deck were boarding them”. Everyone rushed above deck and leaped on to the French vessel, The fighting went on for hours and eventually there came cheers as the French Captain surrendered his sword to Captain Harringdale, as the dust of battle settled Captain Harringdale called everyone so he could read the list of dead “well” he stopped and sighed “well, were here on the 25th of December, Christmas Day, as everyone back at home is celebrating and eating were here repelling old boney and fighting to the bitter end, so as I read the list of dead we must not forget what happened here today”

First Lieutenant David Tumbudge
Able Seaman Tony Dogbridge
Carpenters Mate Harry Snell
Midshipman Charles Horrington

The fog started to lift and flakes of snow began to fall, “Ha he hated the cold” “what are you talking about Appleby” said Captain Harringdale putting down the list of dead “nothing Sir, nothing” Said Appleby with a grin on his face.

The review

Light of the World
By Monarchist

Second Place: A nostaligic and elegiac recounting of Christmas Day in Habsburg Austria.

the story

A Christmas scene, by X

"O tidings of comfort and joy,
comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy..."

Eight little voices echo in the streets before Stephansdom. Aged cobble-stones sit in their comfortable homes, resting under whole hills of snow. Golden carriages rattle on in the clear paths, their sleigh bells sending greetings to the whole world. Somewhere in the depths of the city, a string quartet serenades a public garden. Despite the chill, an old man sits in his rooms and plays a carol on pianoforte, smiling a blissful smile. Elm trees, withered in their icy glow, slumber and sway upon the gentle breeze of a late winter morning. Blue shadows from the rising sun cast their dancing countenance across every street and into every window. In the snug landings, noble childrens' bow-ties are drawn and boot-strings tied; daschunds trot royally, in their own way. All the empire is awash in the bright rays of the day's joy, and a thousand curtains are drawn to let in the glorious ancient light. Another band of singers cries forth from the streets:

"Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room..."

In the high hill of Himmelpfortgrund, an old milkman delivers his frozen stock and hurries home to the fire. Far down the snowy hills and misty alleys, on the cosy shores of the Danube, a fishwife straightens her back and admires the golden morning. A legion of valets, footmen, butlers, maids, manservants, and liveried grooms burst forth from their places and fill the streets. Calls for hansoms, broughams, barouches, and tandems reverberate across the avenues. The doors of Hotel Sacher are flung open, and an army of students from the north country fly into every corner to explore the wide-open parks and ways. The sun reaches its full rise, and every spire radiates with brass bells and polished stones. Carols, chorales, hymns, songs, and dances fill the raucous air!

Deep in the old palace, Habsburgs gleefully open their ribbons and play under the Tree. A creaky headmaster opens up his shutters and puts the early fire on. A stiff wind out of the Innerstadt gives off forests of smoke from uncounted numbers of hearth and home, and happiness spreads across the Earth. The fog clears and grumpy grandfathers open their shutters to embrace the world. The youngest people of all march about in off-tune marching bands, boots, and overcoats, and the city bristles with life. Band stands play their Christmas tunes, complimenting the toddlers' flutes on sidewalks.

"All you within this place,
And with true love and brotherhood
Each other now embrace;
This holy tide of Christmas
All others doth deface..."

Below the hills and palaces, beyond the walls, and away in the rural country, farmers enjoy their puddings. Sturdy tables of oaken wood keep hot porridge, succulent pork, boiled eggs, and good old hops. Plums and candied things rest upon branches, evergreen thistles litter the cabins, and yards hold mountains of gossamer beauty. Peasants bring out the Russian sleighs and visiting family dance a rustic länder on floors of the local village inn. Out and out and out, forever onward and upward, the hardiest of men trudge and crunch into the Alpine ranges before the sun reaches its height. Norfolks, fur coats, and ten million gloves keep them in their happy warmth. No avalanches seem to impede the way, today. The solemn morning sun shouts across the mountaintops; here is a stag, and there is a courageous raven singing its songs!

Down and down and down, forever flowing to the city, voluptuous brooks branch their way to the ancient city. Ice flows as syrup into Donau's valley, and water maidens bring their under-mentionables for the day's wash. Life circles about and about in an eternal dance before that city, the city! Officials and noblemen bring out their guns to have a jolly hunt. There a handmaiden is startled by gunshot, and here a baron tips his hat in apology. Silver snow covers the world, wreathes deck the country halls and holly makes happy decor for every boy and girl! Stuffy old country gentlemen take their canes and off for the walk, whilst whistling the most joyous and beloved melodies of the day. On and on and on they walk, taking their leisure in coming to the outskirts of the city for festivities. Church bells echo into the lands within and beyond the border, for the sun is coming to its mid-day high. Strings, horns, trumpets, and drums signal the coming of the full day! That ball of fire in the sky lights every luncheon and tea party on Christ's Way!

Sacred hearts glow under candle-light. The fires, once burning, now come closing and closing and closing in the sunset. Embers burn away and ashes come to make well on their stay as the State Opera opens its balconies. The lamps are lit and out comes the Messiah, out come Beauty and the Beast, Tosca, the Mikado, and Idomeneo! St. Stephen's dome glitters with evening light and the mass of the Joyous Blood of the World rings out for all to hear! Butchers close their doors and woodmen lock the bolts, but the post office stays open just another hour. Children are put to bed, and harps give way to mourn the passing of the sun-soaked world, drenched in lovely snow. The trees are alive, dancing in the windy evening light, and the weather turns to pure white flakes. Night falls upon the roof-tops and sapphire water's bays.

Thus passed another Christmas away, marking His birth day!

The review

The hungry Christmas present
By Razorhead

Winner: A foundling is adopted by a new family, and must decide whether to put aside their fear and suspicion and invest fully in the relationship.

The story

The light that hurts my eyes awakens me.
I yawn and voice my disapproval as the familiar smell of fear and piss wafts over me. I feel thirsty, but see there's no water here. The idea of falling back asleep crosses my mind, but is quickly dismissed. I know if I stay awake awhile longer someone may bring me something to drink, and maybe even a little food. With nothing better to do, I stretch my limbs and slowly approach the thing that stops me. I tap at it once or twice with my foot to check it, but as usual it doesn't move. A cry of pain echos nearby from my neighbor. He is dying now. I can smell the death clinging to his body and know he will soon be gone. I lie down on the cold floor and begin to cry. I am hungry. I am sad. I am alone.

Suddenly, a movement catches my attention.
Someone is approaching me, but I don't recognize who they are. I rise to stand on my feet and call out to them for help, but they don't answer me. I hear a clatter and notice the thing that stops me is being opened. I decide to try and run past it to get outside. Before I can act, I'm whisked into the air and held aloft by the stranger. It's a female. She has a strong smell of food on her and she takes me with her.

I am falling now.
I swiftly try to regain my balance and land safely, but I hit something hard and hurt my head. I hear a terrible scraping noise above me and then the light disappears. As I try to look around, I sense I'm inside of something very small with little room to breathe. I can see nothing else but feel as if I'm moving. I try to stand up and sway with the motion, but lose my footing and crash back down. My head hurts even worse now and I feel sick from the constant movement. I voice my pain again and again, but there is no reply. Tears run down my face as I eventually drift off to sleep.

It's been a very long time, and all is quiet and deadly still.
I glance around me but still sense nothing at all. All of a sudden I hear voices. I don't understand them. Then a great crashing and tearing noise surrounds me in the darkness. The sound grows louder and louder and a light appears above me! It must lead outside! It must lead to freedom! I spring into action and leap with all my strength into the light. I am out in the open. No! Wait! I am still inside! This is not the place with the thing that stops me. No. This is another place. It doesn't matter any more. I will not be held again. So I run! I see the female who smells like food. She tries to grab me, but I'm ready for her this time and quickly squirm past. I run hard, and soon see a small dark opening not far in front of me. Safety! I instantly dash inside to escape my pursuers. I can hear them now, excitedly yelling and running around looking for me. As I grin in satisfaction, I voice my anger at my captors.

I crawl deeper inside the safe dark passage.
It's tight in here and it's hot. I start to calm down and plan my next move. Before long, the heat starts to become unbearable. A very strong smell of food is around me. Hot food? I know this smell. My mother used to catch this for me when we lived outside. She would feed it to me, but it was never hot?! What are these creatures doing? What are they eating? Am I going to be next?! My life is in danger and I must act Now! I attempt to rise to my feet, but can't move. My shoulders are stuck! I struggle to push harder and harder but the heat is starting to hurt me now. It's burning me. I start to panic and voice my fear. "Help! Help me! Someone Please!" I feel the hair on my neck begin to sizzle and burn. The heat is entering my body and it's becoming hard to breathe. With all my failing strength, I voice my pain again and again. "I am Dying! I don't want to Die!" Someone Please help me!" Once more there is no answer. I close my eyes tightly and think of my mother as I wait to die.

Death comes peacefully as I feel the life being tugged and pulled along my body.
I am floating now. The air is cool. I feel my mothers gentle embrace holding me to her stomach. No...wait? I open my eyes and see a face above me. I'm not dead? I am saved?! The face smiles at me. It's a small female and she's holding me in her lap. She brings something to my face and smiles at me again. I weakly sniff at it and suddenly understand. Wondrous Joy! It's food! The small female, who smiles at me, places it on the ground. I nervously climb down and bite into it. It's good. It's Very good! It's the same thing my mother used to catch and feed me. And it's hot? My body starts to shake and tremble in delight as I devour it. I repeatedly stomp my foot on the ground in approval and voice my desire for more. And there is more. Much more! I eat it all, and for the first time in my entire life, I am no longer hungry.

Something fly's past my head.
What was that? There it is again! With the greasy remains of my meal still smeared across my face, I crouch down on the floor and study it in detail. It's small but quick. It moves easily through the air and then hops along the ground. I must have it! The thing I want to catch dips closer now. I leap high into the air to grab it. A miss! I swiftly recover my balance and prepare to strike again. Where is it? I don't know. OK, I see it now, hiding over there. I remember what my mother would do, and take a few slow steps toward it. I wait. It must not see me. Not now. Not when I'm so close to having it. The thing I want to catch starts to twitch back and forth. Without warning it tries to take to the air again. I strike hard and fast. I manage to bring it to the ground and kick furiously at it with my feet. I tear into it with my teeth. Mine! It's Mine! I'm so Happy! I've never been so Happy in my entire life!

I pick up my newly won prize and proudly walk it to the small female who smiles at me.
I crawl back into her lap and she rightfully claims it from my mouth. I slowly let my body relax as she softly touches my face and begins to scratch my chin. It feels nice. I begin to make the sound that rumbles in my chest. She seems pleased with this and then smiles at me again. I drift off into a comfortable sleep and think about this, most difficult of days, and finally realize. I am full. I am happy. I am no longer alone.

I begin to dream of the next time the light that hurts my eyes will awaken me. I hope when that happens, the small female who smiles at me will still be holding me. I hope she will feed me once more, and softly scratch my chin again.

The review

reviews by Juvenal

Letters Section

This is the part of the Quill where we cease running off at the mouth and just sit back and listen to what you, our valued readers, think of creative writing at TWC. Although there has only been a small post-bag for our inaugural Letters section, the submissions are of a high quality, so here they are!

Letter from Augustus Lucifer
I'm writing to you so that I may exhibit for CQ viewers what is, without a shadow of a doubt, the magnum opus of the Paradox Plaza forums, and a titan amongst AARs in general. I am of course referring to the almost ubiquitous work by canonized, Timelines: What if Spain Failed to Control the World? Weighing in at upwards of 7,000 responses and 300,000 views, with a running time of over three years, this is a work which needs no publicity. But what it does need is disciples, willing adventurers to traverse its depths and from it learn the nuances of a craft.

The premise alone should set it apart, but it's the intricacy and outward ease with which the multiple plotlines are seamlessly woven into an elaborate patchwork spanning time and space that truly makes it a masterpiece. It is a story inextricably linked to the procedure of recounting a joyous gaming experience, and yet it is so much more: a champion of the purely written AAR, a cough and a laugh in the face of those who would suggest that pictures can tell a story better than words, an experiment in the abstract, and a damn fun read.

Those who enjoy reading AARs, you are being handed a Fillet Mignon, so savor it. Those who practice the writing of them, you are being handed the Rosetta Stone, so utilize it.

Letter from ♔Luckylewis♔
The usage of unique minor nations or states instead of the common major faction AARs really interest me. The Vendetta Papale AAR by Priscilla is a perfect example of such by using the Papacy in Empire Total War. The AAR written using the said faction gives an essence of both surprise and originality as it is arguably much harder for one to complete a campaign with a smaller nation, which can lead to much more interesting scenarios and therefore better inspiration and writing for the AARtist.

We really want to hear from you, our loyal readers, please tell us what you think about AARs and other stories at TWC. Just remember the rules of the section:

Write a paragraph (or even a sentence) encapsulating something you feel is important about an AAR you have read: something you learned, liked, were surprised by; even something you wish the author would have done but didn't. Just avoid bashing and negative comments.
PM your submission to me Juvenal.
If we like it, it will be published in the next edition of Critic's Quill.

From the Editor's Desk

Other News
We all hoped you liked our anniversary issue. If you did, then please post your thoughts and consider giving rep to the authors.

We don't have a scientific method for reviewing, and although we try hard to be objective, in the end each review is the personal opinion of its writer. If you take issue with what we have written, please feel free to post a counter-argument. Any factual errors in our reviews will be fixed immediately.

So, farewell then... 'till the next Issue.

Juvenal

**Valandur** · April 29, 2010, 04:44 AM

I feel honoured that my first attempt at creating an AAR was included in this Issue of the Critics Quill. Its a shame I had to end it and I've decided to take a break off AAR's for a while now. (Or will I).

My thanks to Jeimuzu for taking his own time to review my piece of work.

**Capt. Fozdike** · April 29, 2010, 05:36 AM

Very nice guys! Well done

**The Dutch Devil** · April 29, 2010, 06:59 AM

Great work guys, and congratulations with the anniversary.

**♛☧Priscilla☧♛** · April 29, 2010, 07:10 AM

Great release! I'm proud and honoured to have my first work being reviewed, and so positively even. Thank you kindly sir ♔Nanny♔! I will also put your pointers to good use.

**hooahguy14** · April 29, 2010, 09:16 AM

i am honored to be reviewed in this issue, but I'd just like to reply to this:

it would have been nice to see a few more land battles and given the primitive surroundings of the Casse, Most fights take place in wooden palisade lined villages, but don't for one second think that the battles are boring.

In the initial expansion of the British Isles in my campaign, there was only one rebel field army in the entire Isle. Considering my first seven chapters centered on taking the Isles, it is only natural that I only featured one non-siege battle in the first seven chapters. hopefully this will change now. If you have been checking up on my AAR, you will see there has been two major non-siege battles in the past four updates, and no siege battles.
cheers,
Hooahguy

**LuckyLewis** · April 29, 2010, 09:25 AM

Great work Critic's Quill team!

Congratulations to those reviews too!

**Nanny de Bodemloze** · April 29, 2010, 10:04 AM

lol Lewis...we both wrote in about Vendetta Papale! You know what they say... we idiots all think alike!

Great work Juvenal, as always! Many of us very much appreciate the work that is done here, and look forward to these editions with anticipation.

**René Artois** · April 29, 2010, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Valandur

I feel honoured that my first attempt at creating an AAR was included in this Issue of the Critics Quill. Its a shame I had to end it and I've decided to take a break off AAR's for a while now. (Or will I).

My thanks to Jeimuzu for taking his own time to review my piece of work.

Twas a pleasure matey!

**Thermal** · April 29, 2010, 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by hooahguy14

i am honored to be reviewed in this issue, but I'd just like to reply to this:
In the initial expansion of the British Isles in my campaign, there was only one rebel field army in the entire Isle. Considering my first seven chapters centered on taking the Isles, it is only natural that I only featured one non-siege battle in the first seven chapters. hopefully this will change now. If you have been checking up on my AAR, you will see there has been two major non-siege battles in the past four updates, and no siege battles.
cheers,
Hooahguy

I see the predicament, although the siege battles (as are all of them) are entertaining anyway.

Make sure you check this AAR out people...

Juicy issue.

**Saint Nicholas** · April 29, 2010, 06:13 PM

Good anniversary edition.

Well done folks, special thanks to those that took the time to write in a letter to the Editor, if you want to say something and have it published please SPAM Juvenal's mailbox! Any thoughts or comments about writing, AAR's or whatever!

**Junius** · May 02, 2010, 06:09 PM

Great issue, a nice milestone to pass. One year gone, and the CQ is going from strength to strength. Juvenal has done a magnificent job, as has everyone involved.

Next year in Jerusalem.

**Lysimachus** · May 03, 2010, 04:23 PM

It's good to know I was able to write for the Critic's Quill on its first anniversary.

**y2day** · May 08, 2010, 02:32 PM

Nice issue guys! and Happy Anniversary!

**Juvenal** · May 14, 2010, 04:53 AM

Dear readers, please consider contributing to the...

Critic's Quill Letters Section.

Tell us what you think about AARs and creative writing: how to do it; things you like/hate; stories that have inspired you; things you would like to see more (or less) of in future AARs at TWC.

This is your opportunity to sound-off in a forum where you can be sure that like-minded people will get to see your opinions.

Just drop me a PM with an article, a paragraph, or even just a sentence, encapsulating something you feel is important about writing and AARs.

I'm watching my in-box.