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Thread: Factory of madness

  1. #1

    Default Factory of madness

    Locked callousness is hidden here
    The chains forgot to cry out for oil and now they burst in a crunch in a shower of flesh and red-tinged bone
    The mind cheers, but remembers to not forget the sea of monochrome with the rolling corpses
    You can never forget that, enemies then and enemies now,
    Friends and the proverbial friends
    Crushed and mauled into a patter of sorts, but not like symmetry, not like anything good

    But something could satisfy, the ribs had been broken but the heart stayed intact, the curl of flesh that wasn't sullied
    The curl of flesh, no of fire, fire!
    Guards didn't shackle forward in invisible chains, sworn to service and now sworn to the cloaked figure
    He existed, but not in my mind or another, oh he did though, the wrenching contortions of faces
    A last scene of a play, they had not moved to such lengths, not in brimmed anger, willing to overflow, or misplaced joy that you knew couldn't last.
    Only in the final act, the point, grinded and shined to perfection.
    How odd that when perfection sweeps around, it is the pinnacle, respect is earned but perfection is more, respect yes, but a rule over the minds

    Perfection would be repetition but not artistry,
    not a flinging of the agile spired fingers, but of the gun and the cry.
    Vultures and vengeance, intertwined like a basket, spoiling the meat, at least to them
    you consider the ratio of you against them and you see a discrepancy
    and so the curl of flesh bursts and grows into malnourishment along with the machine in the skull
    it shatters and sweeps darkness along the slits of light
    Light unto darkness, hand unto rifle.




    In a day and a night
    And so much more than that
    So long it resided
    A quiet forlorn hope
    Slung backwards viciously by mad interpretation
    and then forward by the creeping hands of time
    and the receding and then a hungry paranoia
    For all time and time beyond that if that was indeed possible

    A cure was hoped for, not man made
    to cure the froth, the waving, the, the everything and the things that weren't everything
    Nothing was a relief, or would be a relief
    a receding pain, or a shining plain with nothing
    That would be the cornerstone, the milestone
    5 miles to the putting down of bags and upping of feet
    But what after that?

    The promise of peace, not from a violence or a pursuer
    but the mind and the nervous heart
    the bass and the strums and the tightened irrational woes
    But isn't it ironic how a feverish need to escape from worry causes worry itself?
    A circle unto a brick wall, the wall seperating fantasy and reality.
    I told it, myself that I could
    No one else involved, just myself - how it should be
    What beggars we are to contemplate the grit and the dirt and the organic form crawling between the gigantic bodies above
    And try to promise ourselves to change and adapt, to grow external claws when we need somewhere to hide, and internal claws to hide away
    To scurry into the void, the mind then becomes bent and now almost certainly broken now it has come to this
    It is one need only, the desire to want company but it feels as if military companies toil on down into the dripping depths and indeed if men could walk down into the human mind, to the thoughts that aren't spoken, what would they do - run - or - stay and view it, in all it's shot and misfire.
    Oh, the promises are so complex, to fire the cruel manufacture with it's smoking goodbye as if to say, hey I caused this, see the trail, the trial being sometimes elusive, what was promised the receiver of the bullet - no really - what was, the splatter throwing it all into confusion.
    Nothing else at all except death, what more?


    I did this short thing whilst I was sitting around on the bus for like 5 minutes, just wanted to see what your views would be on it. Layout needs some work but I didn't have long (was done on my laptop hastily, thus does not agree with an intelligient layout, damn you rhythmic motions of bus!)
    Last edited by BemusedHorse; February 17, 2010 at 11:06 AM.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Factory of madness

    That's actually not bad my friend. You clearly love to write & have a talent for it. My advice - write more & read as much poetry as you can. You have what I believe they call in the trade 'raw talent'.

    Well done mate.

    Henri
    Kardinal of the Khurch of Kong
    Author of the Official Zombie Handbook - due out in mid-2010
    http://www.ministryofzombies.com/
    http://severedpress.lefora.com/forum...s-and-authors/


  3. #3

    Default Re: Factory of madness

    Thankyou, very much appreciated.
    I can write some more if you like.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Factory of madness

    Please do!

  5. #5

    Default Re: Factory of madness

    This is more random thoughts in words more than a narrative as such.

    The mind is a funny old thing. You have doors, some crooked and gnarled and enticing, some blank rectangles of wood pitted with nondescript handles - probably hiding a few brooms and some buckets, nothing important yet...yet these are used for cleaning aren't they? To wipe everything clean, to spruce up those old, wooden doors that are the entrance to to a dreadful old staircase, winding like a trapped aurora, getting darker, more crimson, darker, obsidian now and then...and then something that makes you go mad, a curling, twisted, vicious melancholy terror, vile and creased, boiling but not toiling, just sitting there. Yes, sitting there, tied with frayed strands of a rusted, hellish prison. Yes, staying there, yes for now sitting, contemplating, agog eyes, veined like roads leading into a whirlpool. All of these roads lead to madness and yet these roads are part of the whole scaffolding of madness itself.
    It roars. You clamber back up, jarring ankles and shins on every splintered step. You get out somehow, you wrench the whole face of it shut, aching the corners of your mouth with eloquent screams. Now grabbing the brooms and the buckets, you rip off the frame, and now you see down there, no you don't anymore, you can't, you can't look down there. With unknown strength you get a new boring frame, nondescript you could say it looked, and you kick that in to place, the redness is concealed and you paint the whole thing with a soothing blue. With your work done, you close this door and mind shut.
    Years later, thousands of years, the mind is opening again and the paint is flaking. A vicious circle scythes itself around once more.

  6. #6
    ♔GrinningManiac♔'s Avatar Centenarius
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    Default Re: Factory of madness

    The poem-thing was beautiful, but I loved the narritive even more. You have such a command of the written word, my man!

    Are you a fan of Wilfred Owen? He writes of war in a subdued manner to yours

  7. #7
    Hengest's Avatar It's a joke
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    Default Re: Factory of madness

    Very good stuff. I would avoid verse, the poetry would easily work posted as prose. And easier to read I think. I'm not getting the music of the verse choices, it seems to be pointless tbh. But the actual text is very strong and there are some very nice phrases, some made me really stop and think. I reckon you could make some cracking fantasy genre work, write 50 pages and send it off to a publisher!

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