Garbarsardar's cookbook

[Belisarius]

Thanks! Will try and post a picture of the result!

[Garbarsardar]

With or without ground beef?

Either way it's pretty simple.

4 cans of tomato soup
1 can of kidney beans
1 tbsp of pepper
1 tbsp of salt
1 (or more) tbsp of chili powder
1 tbsp of oregano
several drops of Dave's Insanity Sauce *optional as it causes "Ring of Fire Syndrome"
Chopped mushrooms
Chopped peppers of your choosing
Chopped onions
1/2 cup of rice and/or 3Lb of ground beef

Pour the soup in a pot.
Sautee the veggies if you want, and add them to the mix
Add the spices (and anything else you want to throw in) to the soup.
Brown the beef, and or boil the rice - and then add to the pot.
Let it sit on a low simmer until it thickens. On a stove top this takes about 20-25mins. You can do it in a crockpot on low setting for 4-6 hours. Crock pot chili is much tastier, but if you want it quickly, do it on the stove.

Very easy to make.

This recipe will easily feed a family of four.

With chili, pretty much anything goes.

Spot on! (I would add a teaspoon of cumin, and replace the soup with chopped canned tomatoes...apart from this...)

[OTZ]

Yeah - fresh tomatos are great! I go with simplicity as its usually my wife who makes it. If I complicate it, then we have trouble. Either way it tastes good!

[Garbarsardar]

Yeah - fresh tomatos are great! I go with simplicity as its usually my wife who makes it. If I complicate it, then we have trouble. Either way it tastes good!

You lucky lucky bast..., my wife hasn't cook in the past 6 years.

Anyway, it cannot be avoided (me being Greek, and my granny being from Istambul and all), here's MOUSSAKA.

Now, if you or your friends ever visited Greece or Turkey you heard about it. The tourist version is a disgrace, especially since they sometimes substitute eggplant with zzuccini or even (god forbid) potato.

Here's the real thing:

Ingredients:

3-4 big eggplants

Meat Sauce:
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
3 Tbs olive oil
2 lb ground beef or lamb or half each.
1 cup chopped, peeled tomatoes
1/2 cup white wine
2 T. chopped parsley
1 t sugar
1/4 t cinnamon
salt and pepper
oregano

Cream Sauce:
1/4 cup butter
1/3 cup flour
2 cups milk
1/8 t nutmeg or cinnamon
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
1 egg, lightly beaten

Directions:
1. Cut eggplant into 1/4 inch slices with skin on. Sprinkle slices with salt and a splash of vinegar,leave for 1 hour. Dry with paper towels.
2. Oil the base of a baking dish, add a layer of eggplant and brush with oil. Lightly brown under a hot grill, turn, brush again with oil and brown other side. Alternatively, eggplant may be shallow-fried in oil. Stack on a plate when cooked.
3. Gently fry onion and garlic in oil for 10 minutes. Add meat and brown over high heat, stirring well. Add remaining meat sauce ingredients, seasoning to taste. Cover and simmer gently for 30 minutes.
4. Melt butter in a saucepan, stir in flour and cook gently for 2 minutes. Add milk all at once and bring to the boil, stirring constantly. Let sauce bubble gently for 1 minute.Stirring constantly I repeat.
5. Remove from heat, stir in nutmeg or cinnamon, 1 T of the Cheese, and salt and pepper to taste.
6. Grease a large oven dish or deep tray, place eggplant on the bottom then meat and finish with eggplant.
7. Stir beaten egg into sauce and spread on top. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake in a moderate oven for 1 hour. Let stand 10 minutes before cutting into squares to serve.

[OTZ]

That sounds quite tasty! This thread is giving me lots of ideas. Thanks for the recipes Garb.

About my wife - don't get the impression she's a regular cook. Chili is the extent of her culinary skills. If doesn't come out of a box or a can, she can't make it. Haha.

[the Black Prince]

anyone know a decent recipe for chinese sauce thats not
hot and spicey or
sweet and sour sauce

and goes well with chicken and rice

[Sulla]

Before coming in here I read something at the door... What was it again... I remember now,

SYMPOSIVM
A privileged few rise above the mire. Civitates-only!

The thread seems to be getting lots of attention though so please continue by all means :wink: .

[Tom Paine]

We are the priveldged few. We get the priveledge of garb's cooking knowledge, along with others.

[OTZ]

They don't call it the fine art of cuisine for nothing!

[Nihil]

Give the uber meatballs recipe or it is your ****, now!

I would be delighted to, but first an apology to the denizens of our sacred symposium. One of our more highly-strung members here at TWC had the decency to pursue me to another forum and unleash a flaming temper-tantrum about how none of the foods I carelessly and flagrantly described as "Italian" would be deemed fit for his table and are mere offal to be thrown to foreign dogs like you and I. And I quote:

there's no such thing as "bolognese" in Italian cuisine, nor meatballs. Only foreigners eat such nonexistent dishes: they're considered ignorant enough to be cheated with such recycle-bin recipes.

I apologise for the uspet I have caused and welcome you all to:

Uncle Nihil's Existential Dinner - Foreign Food For Foreign People
Warning - this food may not exist

I'm not good with amounts so I'll be vague:

Get some minced beef
Grab a couple of tins of tomatoes
You'll be needing an onion
Don't forget some mushrooms
Beg, borrow or steal some tomato puree (you can never have too much tomato-ness)
I recommend a brace of vegetable stock cubes
Include some pasta (with apologies to tetchy Italians)
If you acquire some garlic you won't regret it
Give us this day some daily bread (regular white bread is fine, or brown bread is cool, but not too coarse preferably)
Some Basil would be useful
As would some Oregano (I like herbs)
I advise that you seek some chilli too, fellow civitates
A lemon is optional but worthwhile
I nearly forget the eggs...don't make the same mistake, or you're screwed
Do you like parmesan chees? Then get some.
Another one I almost forgot - Flour

I think that's everything...

Here's the plan:

Balls (if you'll pardon the expression)
Grate some bread, or use a food mixer. Whatever. The point is to create some breadcrumbs by any means necessary. Throw the meat in with this. Add a vegetable stock cube. Crack in some eggs...two of them in fact. They need to be whipped, now that I think of it, so if you have already thrown them in, then curse the name of Nihil with a vehement expletive, and start again...
Those of you who are still with us, chop that onion up as minutely as dexterity and patience allows, and fire half of that bad boy in with the meat. The other half you keep.
Very important - add a dash of chilli. How much you use is between you and your conscience, but I urge reserve and circumspection here.
Now you mix everything around, eggs, meat, breadcrumbs (not too much breadcrumbs. I hope you're forgiving my vagueness where amounts of stuff are concerned)
Roll this groovy meaty paste into some balls of - you guessed it - meat! These should be about golfball sized and no bigger.
Roll each meatball in some flour and fry them in a pan. Roll 'em around to cook evenly utilising your god-given common sense to judge the matter. As they achieve readiness one by one (it's a beautiful and majestic sight), throw each one into the:

Sauce
Now you get a saucepan and therein you will throw two tins of tomatoes. Chop some mushrooms to little bits, don't be shy. Lob them in the pan without mercy, and cook 'em.
Chuck in the rest of the onion.
Add herbs - basil and oregano, along with some garlic - you have my permission.
If you like things really tomatofied, now is a good time to add some tomato puree to the concoction.
Squeeze in half a lemon. I kid you not. Another vegetable stock cube would be no harm either.
If you wish, you may add a wee touch of flour to this sauce, to make it thick. Some flour might get into the sauce anyway, when you throw the meatballs in there.

When you have made your meatballs and fried them gently, they go into the sauce. Leave it to bubble for a while on a low heat and make some pasta (being careful not to offend uptight Italians who might be listening).

Serve it all up in the traditional way, grate some parmesan on top if you desire.

Chow down, esteemed fellow foreign rabble, probably with a big smile on your face if you have followed my instructions with skill and attentiveness. Copious amount of red wine are acceptale now, and also merry-making and joviality if you must (but don't overdo it).




No Italians were injured in the making of this Existential Dinner.

I'd like to dedicate this recipe to world peace and the universal brotherhood that is mankind.

Turkish food in my next post.Any preferences?

Surprise me, oh Gaevilrb.

Before coming in here I read something at the door... What was it again... I remember now,


Quote:
SYMPOSIVM
A privileged few rise above the mire. Civitates-only!





The thread seems to be getting lots of attention though so please continue by all means .

Yes, a few uninvited guests around here. Can we help it if we are too cool to miss?

On the subject of wives and girlfriend and cooking - my lass and I usually cook together! What a heart-warming scene of domestic bliss!

I leave you with a philosophical puzzle - something may exist or not exist, but does it make any difference, as long as it's tasty?

[Justinian]

I love you Nihil. In a strictly non-gay masculine sort of Legion way.

Inspired by the great, awesome, wonderful, incredibly cool Nihil, I present:

Snooty Ramen (or Bouef Ramen Zinfandel)
(The creator of this inestimable recipe, the Wise Guru of All Things Related to Cooking, my brother, never measures. To establish his credentials, he recently catered my elder brother's wedding, quite excellently. But he never measures. So deal with it. His recipe, passed down through the centuries by word of mouth:

Ingredients:
Butter is required. Quite a bit of it.
Milk. Lots of milk.
Shrooms.
Onions.
One bottle of white zinfendel. You'll have some left over, obviously, and you can drink it to excess! By the time you're done, you'll be so damned drunk it won't matter if this turns out right or not.
A few packages of ramen. Before you shoot blood out of your eyesockets at eating ramen, such a crude and uncivilized food which could be prepared by a stoned monkey, remember that this is snooty ramen. So snooty 'beef' is in French.
Flour.
Ground cow.
You'll need salt and pepper at least, also some parsley and oregano, because those are yummy.
A clove of garlic.

Preparation:
Chop the onion, probably making your eyes sting in the process. Hah hah. Throw the chopped onion along with butter (a lot of butter) and mushrooms into the saucepan.
Boil the ramen noodles, but do not use the flavor packages. Throw those to the floor and stamp upon them mightily until you hear the cries of their wounded and the lamentations of their women.
Open the wine bottle. It's not necessary yet, but if you're like me, you'll be guzzling it straight from the bottle as you cook.
The shrooms and onions will soon be mostly tender. Throw in the flour until all the butter is soaked up and and the mushrooms and onions look disgustingly like bits of old soap.
Now, pour in a good deal of wine (be sure to save some for a drunken party afterwards, of pansies who can actually get drunk on half a bottle of white wine) and milk. About half as much wine as milk. The idea is to have enough to form a good quantity of sauce, that will be fairly thick, like gravy.
As this is bubbling and thickening and smelling increasingly tasty, brown the beef with the spices and garlic.
Good! Now grab the sauce, the ramen and the beef and chuck them all into a bowl or a saucepan or whatever tickles your fancy, mix them up, and pass it off as fine cuisine.

Makes enough to serve your average Joe or snotty French chef. But for god's sake, don't tell them they're eating glorified ramen.

[Garbarsardar]

Before coming in here I read something at the door... What was it again... I remember now,





The thread seems to be getting lots of attention though so please continue by all means :wink: .

Sulla is right without being overtly wrong. As always it is difficult to make distinctions between glutony (which is one of the deadly sins), food (which is a necessity), cooking (which is a lifestyle choice) and gastronomy (which is ...French).

Symposium (deriving from the Greek syn=together+posis=drinking) was originally a gathering with plenty of wine, limited food and lots of vomiting inbetwen. In the later Roman days the focus was mainly on the exoticity of the food and less on the wines. So I do not see undeemed for this place to feature a culinary subject.

I could also mention Berthold Brecht's "What keeps mankind alive" and especially the verse "...food is the first thing, morals follow on"

Last bur not least I will offer to all tormented souls who concider this topic lacking the required gravitas:

No Italians were injured in the making of this Existential Dinner.

(thanks Niquiteevilasoftodayhil)

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

We have been lucky to discover several previously lost diaries of French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre stuck in between the cushions of our office sofa. These diaries reveal a young Sartre obsessed not with the void, but with food. Apparently Sartre, before discovering philosophy, had hoped to write "a cookbook that will put to rest all notions of flavor forever." The diaries are excerpted here for your perusal.


October 3
Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin work. How excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.

October 4
Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested paprika.

October 6
I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still long.

October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:

Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish

Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.

While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustated.


October 25
I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook. Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight of man in a world ruled by an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each of the four basic food groups. To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing to admit anyone. After several weeks of work, I produced a recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four tons of beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still have much work ahead.

November 15
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live beaver, challenging the very definition of the word cake. I was very pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.

November 30
Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped. During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker on the wrist. The beaver's powerful jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in less than ten minutes and proved, needless to say, more than a match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.

December 1
I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin, but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will live on cigarettes and black coffee.

So on the basis of these, impeccable credentials, and not because of the volatile public attention, this thread will go on (-insert pompous music-).

So my Friend, and leader of the opposition, the honourable tBP asked for a non sweet and sour or hot and spicy chinese sauce.

Here is then my mushroom-tofu sauce.

Ingredients.
Shiitake or oyster mushrooms (Sainsbury's)
Port (to your liking)
Tofu (soy bean curd from your local chinese)
1 tbs of sesame oil
cinnamon
1 pork or chicken stock cube.
water.
1 teaspoon cornflour.

Fry the mushrooms in a wok or large pan. (watch it, it burns faster than sunflower oil)
Add the tofu cut in cubes.
Port it
Mix the cube with one very large glass of warm water and the corn flour
Pour ir in the pan until the sauce thickens.
Cinnamon to your taste.

Yummy!!!!

@Ninotsoevilasgarbstillhil

This is tonight's dinner. I thank you as only a foreigner can thank another foreigner, especially when the first is a foreigner in a foreign land. I will raise a cup of wine to your general direction, and hire "Goodfellas" for tonight.

[Nihil]

I love you Nihil. In a strictly non-gay masculine sort of Legion way.

Inspired by the great, awesome, wonderful, incredibly cool Nihil, I present:

I'll allow this, but I'm keeping an eye on you buddy...just kidding! Thank you for the kindly sentiment.

Hopefully my vague recipe is not too vague. If anybody has any specific questions please ask and I will elaborate on any details you wish.

Nice recipe Justinian!

Gaevilmentorwhoinspiresaspirationalactsofevilrb: Where did you stumble upon this extraordinary document? It not only throws fresh light on Sartre, but also reveals that there exists a long and distinguished tradition of existential cooking, with which I am proud to discover a kinship. However, I like to think that my cuisine embodies not the bleak hopelessness of a Sartre, but instead the lusty Dionysian defiance of a Nietszche, facing the void (see avatar) not with despair, but with temerity. Cook the food and judge for yourselves, fellow civitates.

[Garbarsardar]

@Nirecentlydionysiachil:

Not necessity, not desire - no, the love of power is the demon of men. Let them have everything - health, food, a place to live, entertainment - they are and remain unhappy and low-spirited: for the demon waits and waits and will be satisfied.
Friedrich Nietzsche


...or waits to be fed I should say?

[Nihil]

...or waits to be fed I should say?

Indeed; I'm going to offer some of your adana kebab to my own personal hungry demon this weekend. Wish me luck, it sounds delicious but tricky.

Speaking of omelets, they are really good, and simple. My girlfriend makes really good ones, sometimes as breakfast in bed if I've been a good boy. I'll probably post the recipe later.

[the Black Prince]

to my friend and head chef of TWC the honourable garbarsardar, i present to you the esteemed compliments of 3 university students, who until befriended by me, existed on pot noodles and microwave pizza, and thought my rather bland meals (i can cook, i don't like to, and don't take time to) were heaven on earth until i presented them with lightly baked chicken and rice seasoned with your oh so excellent sauce, raising them to new levels of gastronomical nirvana.

seeing as i managed to say all that in one sentance i've clearly been spending too long reading medieval romance again (alas fair garb that though art safely protected by the bonds of holy matrimony lest i relent my will and unlimber mine arsenal into thine unsuspecting heart, and convince thee to take up residence in my kitchen and bedroom both)

i just adore high style don't you?
in normal english though, great recipe garb, my friends and i loved it

[imb39]

If anyone wants it, I have a recipe for beef madras (a curry, if you didn't know) which has served me faithfully for many years.

[Tom Paine]

Is it better than "Buy Madras sauce, follow onstructions"? if so please tell.

[Justinian]

several drops of Dave's Insanity Sauce *optional as it causes "Ring of Fire Syndrome"

That stuff is pure genius. We got some at camp and sprinkled food with it liberally...

Well... it was the opposite of .

EDIT: tBP, try my (brother's) recipe! Not only is it cheap and perhaps on friendly territory with your university friends, it is genius. Not quite as genius as Insanity Sauce, but genius.

[imb39]

Well in this recipe, you have to roast the spices! So no 'pour on sauce' here...

Beef Madras -

2tsp Chilli Powder
2tsp Ground Coriander
2tsp Ground Turmeric
1/4 tsp Ground Ginger
1/2 pint Coconut Milk
4 tbsp Ghee (Clarified Butter)* Vegetable oil can be used but I wouldn't...
1 Chopped Onion
3 Cloves of Garlic
2lb Cubed Beef
1/2 pint Beef Stock
1tsp Lemon Juice

1) Mix the spices together with a little of the coconut milk to get a paste.
2) Heat the ghee and gently fry the onion and garlic until golden.
3) Add the paste of spices and fry for a further 3 minutes. Stir regularly so they don't get burnt.
4) Add the beef and stock. Mix thoroughly so the spices get mixed in and bring to the boil. Cover and simmer gently for 90 minutes until the meat is tender.
5) Stir in the remaining cocunt milk and the lemon juice. Leave to sinner for a further 10 minutes until thickened.

Now I am used to hot curries. Most of my friends find this hot enough. I prefer it hotter - if you do - change the spices from teaspoons to tablespoons. Lovely!

Serve with rice and a side dish of yoghurt and cucumber.

This is a forgiving recipe - I have yet to make a hash of it. Obviously you can substitute the beef for chicken or even vegetables (don't forget about the stock!). You must let it simmer for 90 minutes or so - this allows the onion to break down, otherwise you'll have pieces of onion floting in your curry.

Enjoy.