Children outside marriage and marriage.

**Adhamh Ashashi** · October 21, 2009, 10:40 AM

Now, I am just going to say, I disagree with the idea of a child outside marriage, not because of a religious taboo, but for a practical reasoning. A child, in my opinion, is a massively larger step in life than marriage, in the sense that if you get married to someone, it can be easily corrected, just a divorce and that is it (of course it isn't as simple as that, but you get my dirft).

However, having a child outside of marriage is irreversable. Once the child is born, that is it, no paperwork is available to officially end the childs relationship with you. I amn't talking about accidental births, I mean people planning on haveing kids.

So what in your opinion is a bigger step in life, a child or marriage?

**Confederate Jeb** · October 21, 2009, 10:44 AM

Both are large steps in life. It's hard to say which is larger, but your reasoning does make sense. I'll vote undecided, since I tend to believe they are equal for the most part.

**Adhamh Ashashi** · October 21, 2009, 10:58 AM

Morally, but I knwo this is going to sound very very materialistic, but financially, it can be a massive burden (excuse my use of the word burden) to have a child. I would see marriage as a building step to children, not the other way around.

A simple relationship can be broken off, and that poor child is stuck in the middle, while in marriage, you have a couple of months to think about it, well in the stereotypical fashion, and then have children.

**Mr. Pink** · October 21, 2009, 11:06 AM

Easily a child. Financial and time constraints are huge and can completely change your life career wise and socially etc.

**Phier** · October 21, 2009, 11:15 AM

Marriage was not a big step.

Children are a huge step.

**Azog 150** · October 21, 2009, 11:15 AM

A child probably- but at the end of the day that is just a natural process and most people are expected to do it in order to keep the human race alive.

I am a bastard personally (although my parents did marry several months after I was born). I don't see any problem with having a child outside marriage.

**Adhamh Ashashi** · October 21, 2009, 11:23 AM

But I personally find it a massive step to have a child outside of marriage. I don't look down on people who are born outside of wedlock, a person is a person. I mean, an example would be my friend, he was born outside of marriage, his parents are split up and the dad feels no obligation to see him. He has to drive at least 20 km to see him during the weekend.

I see that as unfair, of course you have that when a marriage is broken, but the father has a greater sense of responsiblity, I would think anyway.

**Azog 150** · October 21, 2009, 11:41 AM

I don't think thats necessarily the case. Besides, if two people like each another enough to have a child, whether or not they are married will make no difference, all it is is a legal document. Plenty of people have children outside marriage simply becuase they don't believe in marriage. Plus, instances of separation of the mother and father after a birth will happen whether or not they are married.

**Adhamh Ashashi** · October 21, 2009, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by Azog 150

I don't think thats necessarily the case. Besides, if two people like each another enough to have a child, whether or not they are married will make no difference, all it is is a legal document. Plenty of people have children outside marriage simply becuase they don't believe in marriage. Plus, instances of separation of the mother and father after a birth will happen whether or not they are married.

I understand what you are saying. However, I am mainly going towards young people, who are together for maybe 8-9 months and would have a kid but rather not get married, cause it may tie them down. That is Irish society anyway these days.

**Denny Crane!** · October 21, 2009, 11:47 AM

Marriage. I'm getting married and having kids but I would have done it without marriage as well. Marriage is merely a sign of commitment nothing else, you can make that commitment without getting married.

Moved to Philosophy!

**Adhamh Ashashi** · October 21, 2009, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by Denny Crane!

Marriage. I'm getting married and having kids but I would have done it without marriage as well. Marriage is merely a sign of commitment nothing else, you can make that commitment without getting married.

Moved to Philosophy!

Thanks for moving it.

I don't have any experince in either, being merely 17, but was just looking for opinions.

**Shaun** · October 21, 2009, 12:17 PM

Hmm, well for a lot of people marriage comes closely after kids so I suppose to them they are one in the same. I could never marry someone I don't want to have kids with, and could never have kids with someone I couldn't marry. I don't know, really.

**finsternis** · October 21, 2009, 02:25 PM

Is this really a philosophical question? Shouldn't this be in the general Ethos?

Children of course. Marriage is something created by society but not accepted by nature, while children are created by nature and accepted by society.

So Children of course.

**Bovril** · November 18, 2009, 12:21 PM

Unfortunately, many men in the modern west regard having children as an entirely reversable state of affairs, and have no contact with their children after seperation with the mother. About 25% is standard in the UK. Far more men only have a neglible role in most features of parenting.