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Thread: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

  1. #1

    Icon1 the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Prologue

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    'Oi, ya filthy Snaga!'
    Clearly, by Lugruk's foul voice, he was unimpressed with my work - as usual. My scarred legs and the remains of my courage forced me up from the perished ground to confront my dark, fat taskmaster. I dwarfed him in size as usual.

    'Get back to work...Ilid.' He cackled. Ilid's not my real name, just a name this creature, and others like him, call me.

    I'd had just about enough of you and your games, Ilid!'
    I rose my arm quickly in response, ready to strike. Unfortunately, the clang of chains awoke me to reality and my arm held at it's limit before Lugruk's face. Other Orcs turned towards us and the commotion as Lugruk began to howl with crocked laughter. His horrific voice carrying to the others, signalling another punishment.

    'That's another lash'in Ilid...' Four burly Orcs sprang on me restraining my remaining strength. I tried to resist as usual but they still managed to thrust me on the toxic, sticky floor and beat me... and beat me... and beat me.
    Eventually, with my body limp and my vision blurred they pulled me up to face Lugruk. My head shook in spasm, my head whirling, face sweating, bleeding, mouth frothing. The pot-bellied Orc closed in for a detailed inspection. I managed to thrust a pathetic sample of black spit out of my mouth, only to realise I'd missed by miles. Then before the end, I saw something, whirling towards me at what seemed a million leagues an hour - it hit me.
    I died.
    the Once great Slave of Nurn

    If you don't know what a prologue is, it's basically a beginning. But in my case, who knows
    Chapter 1: In service of Dol Guldur.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    I once served the Dark Lord in his armies; over the centuries I devoured my foes in battle with fierce brutality, killing men, elf and dwarf alike. With each murder and evil deed I climbed my way up in the Dark Lord's favour, becoming ever more aware in his ever growing eye. Eventually through my skill and pure mercilessness I became a captain in the ancient, tainted fortress of Dol Guldur.
    Here, this tale begins.

    The camp-fire was all that kept us warm. Though the flesh of the elf sentries was slightly more comforting to the taste, it wasn't enough to make us forget the harsh, cold bite of the forest's chilly breath. The Orcs, I, and a few men all gathered around the camp-fire in a last-ditch attempt to keep our tired bodies warm. Our bloody day had been spent, like most others in the company of moaning trees waiting in ambush; waiting for the soldiers and allies of Mirkwood to come stalking past our post towards the Hill of Sorcery. After what seemed like weeks (because of Mirkwood's towering, twisting trees, sunlight could be seen in very view spots) we had spotted a company of elves skulking towards our position from the north and leaped on them with cold-hearted fury, and now feasted on their warm flesh this very night.

    We'd saved two for our Lord - the fires of torture had to be refuelled. One was tied up away from the fire, next to the sentry. The other was positioned next to an small, vicious Orc called Gruk. The elf jolted awake, horrified, when Gruk began to stroke his half-naked flesh in a bloodthirsty trance.
    'Ha! The little guy's scared.' he cackled, blood dripping off his lips onto the neck of the now shaking captive.
    'Wan' ya mummy? O'well, waste not want not!' Gruk, his face now a snarling pool of blood-lust, slowly began to lower himself towards to captives bloody neck, for obvious reasons. My responsibilities force me to intervene.
    'Oi', Gruk! Leave him alone, can't ya see some of us are trying to eat our meat in peace?' The Orc snapped out of his dark trance in an instant and while facing me, slowly bowed his head in a mocking salute, then laid down, and laughed himself to sleep.
    The rest of our party and I continued to eat our meat with few words spoken and only the sound of the whispering wind, in chorus with the chewing and crunching of meat and bone. We slept silently in the cover of Mirkwood's tainted trees, not knowing that death was only a night away.


    Chapter 2: Part 2

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    I woke to the sound of sharp shooting gusts of wind, whirling through our camp, past our heads. A sudden thump to my left followed by a luscious moan signalled danger. Arvedi, one of the men, had been shot with an arrow and the shaft now lead deep inside his chest. Blood, pumping from his wound quickly began to fill the grounds thirsty crevices. With a bloodthirsty cry I awoke the camp and we hastily gathered our weapons and essentials while piercing shafts soared above ours heads. They were coming from all directions, making it was impossible to decipher the best direction to charge - or run! Within seconds of my cry we were all flat against the earth in a close heap, waiting for my call to attack. Some of the men fixed arrows to their bows and make useless attempts to fire back at our invisible foes. I made the signal to press forward, heading for the densest clump of trees in hope of achieving some minor cover. Clearly my decision made little effect as the arrows began to follow us on our path. Gruk had somehow managed to drag the elf prisoner along beside him, and kept one hand over his mouth to stop him from warning our hunters. Judging by the archers' sparse attack, they knew nothing of our numbers. We'd be sure to keep them ignorant.

    Eventually we reached the clump of thick trees and crowded low down together beneath the stronger branches in shelter. Immediately after, a volley of heavy, deadly arrows soared up around the edge of the forest's trees like corrupted leaves and fell towards our position with sickening speed, through the leaves and into the thick branches and our unfortunate bodies. Screams echoed through the green.

    I'd been hit. A feathery shaft of elven craft jutted out of my right shoulder while another pinned my hand to the ground! A quick tug sent an agonising pulse of pain though my arm, I was in trouble! Regaining my senses, I quickly scanned the area: upon seeing that my companions were in similarly bad positions or already dead, I figured It was every creature for itself! I was about to reach for my knife when my ears caught the sound of a scuffle from where we'd crawled -- it was Gruk! The scum was arrow-free and hadn't yet reached the clump of trees in order to drag his prize with him. Unfortunately for him, his 'prize' had turned on him; noticing the terror and confusion, the sly captive had somehow managed to free himself, and was now wrestling with the orc. I could have laughed at the irony but hope drove me to realise our position. Gruk was our ticket out of this hell, and with the quiet but noticeable sound of ready arrows and high held bows, I knew we didn't have long.

    'Gruk, ya pig slaughter'in scum bag!' I roared, hoping to catch the filth's attention. But the pair continued to brawl, oblivious to our situation, only interested in each others destruction. Foul instinct and experience goaded me to launch a rusty knife from my pocket, towards the elf - experience again saved me by presenting me with a bloody, fatal hit. I again called the orc who had now noticed our situation; cackling excitably he said:
    'Ha-ha, a few moments without me and look what ya' gits get ya'self into eh. You lot are pathetic, I don't need you! I can take care of...' the sound of a hundreds of crusading arrows leaping into the air, bent on merciless destruction, forced Gruk's speech to a stop. Slowly, and more calmly than anything I've ever done I stated the confident line that would save our miserable hides.
    'Gruk. Do you want to live?'

    The Orc sat there. While Staring at the sky and our inevitable doom he muttered one simple, chaotic, tormenting, selfish word.
    'No...'
    Realising our inescapable deaths I sat there silently cursing myself and my companions for coming to such an unfortunate end. The smell of the fresh blood from my dead and dying companions was all that there to comfort me. The smell tingling my very body. My blood longed to be joined with theirs in bloody matrimony, I now wished it too. Hopefully it was quick. Then before the end, I saw something, whirling towards me at what seemed a million leagues an hour - it hit me.
    I died.

    I can't think of a name for chapter two, any ideas children ?

    Chapter 3: Death, Aman, Arda? Part 1

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    The arrow thudded hard into my side, knocking me sprawling towards the ground. Pain scattered throughout my body from my now free arm. Thick blood pumped from the shredded hole, bathing the ground around my face with dark, sodden blood. My eyes stayed shut. I'm too tired to open them, there's nothing left; only blood, and the constant weight of a hundred strong arrows pounding down upon my all but lifeless body. The burning, endless pain consumes my body this very moment, threatening madness! Nothing now but the quieting wind and the engulfing sleep...


    Chapter 3: Death, Aman, Arda? Part 2

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    I awoke from a dark dream with the cold wicked wind brushing my skin. My eyes are closed. I'm too scared to open them, what will I find in the dark? A voices echoes in my ears:
    'Drego morn Ilid! Drego morn!'
    My dreams fade and my mind pieces itself together. Where am I?


    Eventually my eyes open. The dead - no, ALIVE elf is leaning over me, shouting at me. I want to close my eyes but his spells keep them open. Arrows fly above us, almost piercing the elf. He's silent for a moment while glancing towards our attackers. By his face I realise our position is bad. Quickly, he heaves me from the ground and dashes from the arrows and our foes. Pain shoots through my body and I'm soon engulfed again in the dark dream-shadows. Where is he taking me? Why is he saving me? Does he want me for himself as revenge for capturing him and his kin? Soon we'll know...



    PART 2 Chapter 4:


    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    'How's the stew Henry, is it good? Nice and warm?'
    'Very, sir. You sure know how to cook a good fox!'
    'And how to shoot one too! It's his blood ya see.'
    'His blood, what do you mean Bill?
    'Well, He's one of them Dúnedain rangers. Ent' ya - Arvedi.'
    '...Yes, how did you guess?'
    'Well it's Obvious ya see. That shot you had on that fox...the skill...'
    'So it has nothing to do with the Númenórean brooch you stole from my pocket yesterday?'

    Blades were drawn as quick as hares. The beastly Bill stood quickly before me, and unsheathed his weapon. He wielded a great, rusty blade. Fighting a strong brute such as him had often turned out to be a bad decision. I couldn't help wondering if I still had time to back down.

    'Now now ranger, ya don't wan'a get 'urt now do ya? My swords gagging for a bit of man flesh...'

    He shifted side-to-side in his battle stance, ready to take or give a blow - ready to kill. His blade, held in just one hand, was a mighty tower of crude metal: too blunt to cause any serious cuts or punctures. His arms; huge chunks of flesh and bone, likely able to wield a troll's mighty club if asked.

    Still as death, Henry remained; glued to his seat since the draw. The plump, bold man had taken a liking to me in the last few days and although he was kin to Bill, he now obviously has troubles placing his allegiances.

    'Wha...What are you doing? Bill! Bill, stop it, stop it!' he cried, on the verge of tears. I myself; still, sword out, but undecided on my next move, whispered ancient prayers to myself so that I may live to see another battle. Run or stay? Die or Live? Honour or shame? Suddenly a rage ignited within me:

    'The Dúnedain never surrender!' I roared '...and we do not take insults from monstrocities like you!'

    I swung hard and fast with my runic silver sword, cleaving the air! - we were now thirsty for blood. The fight had begun!

    If you want to know why I've decided to swap narrators for a while, PM me if you really wish. But all shall become clear soon
    I'm looking forward to it...






    I'm really glad how this has turned out and I'm hoping you love it as much as I do Please reply with you feelings.
    Last edited by AlphApe; August 27, 2009 at 08:25 PM.
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  2. #2
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Whoa, what the... "I died"???!!!???!!!

    Great. First line grabs reader.

    Last line shocks reader.

    Brilliant.

    Prologue ey? so that means there will be more main story and perhaps epilogue?

    Good luck with the rest!




  3. #3

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Well I'm planning to have this as... (don't read if you don't want to know the ending... Seriously!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Read the whole story you cheat!

    Last edited by AlphApe; August 12, 2009 at 06:58 PM.
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  4. #4
    Jaguar6's Avatar Campidoctor
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Ah, so he doesn't lead a rebellion and help the slaves of Nurn free themselves?

    The Unfinished Tales submod for Third Age: Total War



  5. #5

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Don't..want...to...give..the story...away... ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  6. #6
    Jaguar6's Avatar Campidoctor
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Well hurry up and write it then

    The Unfinished Tales submod for Third Age: Total War



  7. #7

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    I will soon, I'll continue tonight or tommorrow
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  8. #8
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Quote Originally Posted by AlphApe View Post
    I will soon, I'll continue tonight or tommorrow
    But where doust thou live? Your tonight could be my morning?

    Getting interesting your story is...




  9. #9

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    England and it is 1am here
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  10. #10
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Quote Originally Posted by AlphApe View Post
    England and it is 1am here
    Greetings fellow Englishman!




  11. #11

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Please read the new chapter guys!
    READ!
    Last edited by AlphApe; August 13, 2009 at 03:29 PM.
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  12. #12
    GrumpyBean's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Wow I don't usually read AAR's but this is really good I hope you finish another chapter soon
    Very funny and old tale of Mordor. The grass is always greener.
    Epic Tale of Thera, simply a masterpiece . Borissomeone's Tales of Thera.

  13. #13

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Thanks, I really want some comments and ideas of where I need to improve hopefully someone does reply
    I usually crit other stories but I find it hard to crit mine...

    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  14. #14
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    I don't know exactly what to say.

    You certainly manage to get into an Orc's character better than myself but then again, Saruman isn't the easiest of leaders to write about.

    "Eleven craft"? ELVEN

    It is good... I cannot expand on that because its so odd a perspective.




  15. #15

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    whoops Damn i hate funny spelling mistakes lol
    I have the rest of the story virtually planned out so stay tuned everyone!
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  16. #16
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Nice new chapter, may I suggest that you announce the arrival of a new chapter with a post saying so but keep the actual story in the first post. You aren't notified that a post is edited only that there is a new one. I hope I am clear.

    I like the shift to present tense at the end, brilliant way to emphasise his moment of death (or maybe not death).

    Keep going! Heck that new chapter was short!




  17. #17

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Yeah I'll have to do that.
    Don;t get too confident with the timeline I'm not even certain of which way I'm going to end yet, or how I'm going to continue you with this long term. I have a basic storyline though, and have plans for an unexpected new charcter
    Stay tuned, it's going to get bloody!
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  18. #18
    AgentSmith's Avatar Foederatus
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Wow this is really good
    MISTER A-A-ANDERSON......

  19. #19

    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Thanks alot I'm goinmg to write some more tonight!
    Please click on this link and read my ongoing story:the Once Great Slave of Nurn

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  20. #20
    Inarus's Avatar In Laziness We Trust
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    Default Re: the Once Great Slave of Nurn

    Quote Originally Posted by AlphApe View Post
    Thanks alot I'm goinmg to write some more tonight!
    You will write much faster if you don't tell us that you are going to write tonight-

    - that goes for me as well -

    good luck!




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