Queer Concern
Gay Shame
First of all, if I have any regular readers who missed my column last edition, I apologise. I had every intention of writing an editorial for Helios 41 alongside the interview I did, and I failed. The interview was prepared long in advance of the deadline and as the deadline approached I found myself so engaged with other matters I just never found the time. It is no excuse and I apologise.
I did a count through my Helios folder on my PC today, and worked out that although this is Helios 42, this is my 33rd Helios article since Tom Paine relaunched the Helios well over a year ago. I think I had a couple of one off appearances in Helios editions before then, but in its current form, I have been a regular contributor for almost every edition since Helios 4. That’s quite some time. Most of those articles I’m proud of and happy with, there’s a couple I’m ashamed or embarrassed about because they are so bad!
In that time, I’ve covered just about every gay issue imaginable. These days, I don’t tend to sit down and think lets right an academic or political article on gay marriage or queer theory, I stick to current events and gay news. I’ve covered everything from the Stonewall Riots to Gay Conservatism, Gay Marriage to Transgendered issues, and I hope my articles have been both interesting and informative.
Alas, writing for so long, and with gay politics being what it is, it is inevitable that some of the same issues come again. This is one of those article. This issue has been done before, but like many issues in the news and the debate forums, it comes up at least once a year. This article is on Gay Pride.
My friends at
Five Awesome Gays reminded me last week that June in the USA is national Gay Pride Month. Here in the UK, we don’t really have anything like that. February is LGBT History Month, but Gay Prides span the length of summer, from Birmingham Pride in May all the way through to Manchester Pride at the end of August. I suppose you could say that every summer is gay pride summer in the UK.
Now it wouldn’t be gay pride season without the detractors of pride coming out and complaining about it. Sure, there are plenty of straight people who don’t like pride. Who complain at the existence of gay pride and the lack of say, straight pride. To be perfectly honest, I don’t really care because its not about you, and in many cases, the straight people who hate pride are one of the reasons we need to have pride. The detractors I concern myself with are the gay people who dislike pride, and there are plenty of them. For many years now, Gay Shame has competed with London Pride for attendances and makes certain points.
The people who don’t support pride in the gay community do have a point. The main and original reason behind pride was community solidarity. It was there to show the political establishment that gay people existed and weren’t going to go away or be oppressed any longer, and it was also a way to show to each other that they weren’t the only ones, that there were thousands of us.
But like any celebration or festival, pride can change its meaning over time and has done so. To many of the younger attendees, myself included, we have none of the political activism experience of our older friends. We’ve never faced the riot police, been arrested for our protesting, or had to march on parliament to demand basic rights. We got lucky, compared to 40 years ago. The pride that the older generation remember has little direct relevance to us. But that doesn’t mean that pride is no longer necessary or needed.
I think its key to remember, that even though we have achieved so much, the battles are not all fought and the war is not over. I’ve met gay people who are incredibly apathetic politically, because as far as they are concerned, they have everything they need, legally, and see the remaining activists, however young, as dinosaurs from a bygone era. I’ve always been shocked by this attitude. If the war was won, “gay” wouldn’t be the insult of choice in every school playground around the country, gay ministers wouldn’t be persecuted by their own faith leaders who cannot see that a gay preacher, risking public wroth, is probably the most committed faith leader you’ll come across. Anti-gay humour wouldn’t be shrugged off as fine and the idea of gay men adopting wouldn’t create outrage in every tabloid newspaper... oh, and men and even boys wouldn’t be brutally murdered for being gay.
But we don’t celebrate Pride for ourselves, we remember gay people across the world, where not everyone can celebrate pride. Its wise to remember as we march down the streets what happened in Moscow at Eurovision, or that picture of two teenage boys being hanged in Iran for being gay. Remember the number of countries which carry the death penalty for gay acts and the number of cities and countries you wouldn’t want to go with your boyfriend in case you don’t come back in one piece. How can we stand here complacently saying that pride is irrelevant when in some places the very idea of it will get you killed?
There’s also complacency to consider. Sure, Pride might not have the political relevance that it used. I’m not old enough to remember the experiences of Tim Teeman for example (The Times, Arts and Entertainment Editor) who first marched at 16 on Downing Street chanting “2, 4, 6, 8 is your husband really straight! 3, 5, 7, 9, no don’t worry, neither’s mine” and such other phrases. But in places like the US, gay rights can come and they can go. We have to remind people that we are still here, (still Queer, so give us another beer) and make sure that the hard won victories of the past are not rolled back in the future.
I’ve been to several pride parades, and I can’t see I like everything I see there. Being gay doesn’t mean I have to give a ringing endorsement of every aspect of the queer community and gay culture, I don’t. But I both love and respect the fact that these people are free to be who they are and who they want to be. The whole point is that gay culture is NOT the straight norm, so to a straight person, you’re going to see a hell of a lot that seems strange weird, and yes, wrong and disturbing to you because its not your culture and we don’t subscribe to your cultural norms. Tough cheese really, we live in a diverse society.
But for me, what I like about pride, is the normalcy. Pride isn’t, for me, about the flamboyant costumes, the go-go boys, the young men in skin tight shorts and little else, the drag queens and the scene queens. Pride is about feeling normal for just about the only time in my life.
Walking around Chester with Gaz, I get stares, I get odd looks, I get abuse, I get harassment. In Manchester, because of the size of the gay community, I usually don’t. Seeing a gay couple in Manchester isn’t unusual. But going to pride, I feel like I really fit in, I can walk around with Gaz and know that the only looks we’re getting are from people either checking us out, or being immensely jealous of one or both of us. I don’t mind that at all! We had a party last weekend and most of the guests were gay. Sitting on the patio in the evening sun, my best friend asked Gaz’s straight best friend what it felt like to be in the minority for a change. He just blushed and didn’t really answer… but I know he enjoyed the party but was never entirely comfortable all evening. Out in public, I feel like that all the time, worse in fact, because I don’t just feel uncomfortable, I’m also somewhat scared of the next item of abuse to come my way.
Gay pride is for the normalcy of being gay. But its also a chance to recognise and remember the work of all that has gone before and will go on today. To remember Stonewall and the illegal marches of the past, to never forget what had to be done to achieve the levels of equality we have today. But also to note well and recognise the work done by the many gay orientated charities. The Lesbian and Gay Foundation, the Terrence Higgins Trust, the Lesbian and Gay Switchboard to name but three.
Sure we want normalcy, we want equality, but it doesn’t exist. Until it does, we need Pride, to remind us of what we’re fighting for and to say to the many gay people out there who are not out that they have nothing to be ashamed of and we’re working damn hard to make sure they have nothing to be afraid of. Showing pride doesn’t mean dressing in speedos and a rainbow flag and flouncing through the village, but its taking pride in the fact that if a gay person wants to do that, they can and will always be able to do so.
I learned something new over the weekend by the way. I learned that HM the late Queen Mother was a big supporter of the gay community and that most of her personal staff were gay men. Apparently, whilst at Clarence House, she is said to have bellowed “When you young queens have finished gossiping, this old Queen would like a drink!”. Folklore perhaps, but the fact that so many Royal staff are gay is certainly true. Equally, many gay men are devout monarchists as well. I wonder what the connection might be?
Aden, the Black Prince