[ETW AAR] Van Nul tot Nu - 1700-1750
There's a dutch comic book that tells about the dutch history, but... the period from 1707 till 1750 is completly unaccurate. That's why I'm going to tell you what really happened.
It actually started in the year 1700... you all know why because it's the startdate of E:TW's grand campaign (). The Dutch got out of their mind (I still am
) and well... because of unknown reasons got an outrageous agrassion towards other nations.
The most believable story is that that african swallows started to migrate and carry cocconuts with them. When they arrived in holland the cocconuts got too heavy for the poor beasts and the swallows let them fell.
So... it was in 1700 that the president got an coccosnut on his head.
Civillian: President, what's that bump on your head?
President: Iz mah xtra warfare brain stuff!
Civillian: Ok...
President: Iz haz idea!
Civillian: Tell me.
President: I wanz frites!
Civillian: Well.. then go to belgium. They have good frites their.
But the president understood it wrong. He assembled an army and assaulted the mcDonalds in Brussels.
Alatriste: Ah crap...
Charging dutch army: FRIET1!1%!$#%@!
And that was how the United Provinces got Brussels.
This ment war between the dutch and the spanish, since the spanish also loved the frites you can get in Flanders and it was their greatest export product. The French were also very angry and declared war to the dutch because of the same reason.
The Belgiums were extremly angry because the dutch army occupied the only place in belgium to get frites.
Belgium representer: MR. President, this is sooooo cruel! you've taken our only place to get frites in whole Flanders!
President: ghrmsharhmschrafmbesm
Belgium representer: Will you stop eating? I'm trying to negotiate!
President: Givez zhe ketchup ten iz will givez u backz the mcDonalds!
Belgium representer: We don't have ketchup!
President: Then you will be excecuted!
It took years to supress the rebellions. The mcDonalds got converted to a fortress and frites got distributed to the belgium people. That helped, but meanwhile there weren't enoug patatoes more to produce frites. So... the dutch expanded their colonies by capturing french and pirate territories in the carribean. Enough frites could be produced now.
Soldier 1: Ah.. this is the life! Frites everyday! Having nothing to do!
Soldier 2: Yeah it sure is... There's no other nation that can produce better frites!
Soldier 1: Uh well.. there is... France is a good place.
President: Tzen let uz ridde toe pariz!
And soo... the dutch army continued to Paris. They attacked at night. But when the city got occupied they found out that the french destroyed the local McDonalds and any frite reserves.
Dutch Soldier: They have destroyed all of the frite reserves and the local McDonalds!
President: Omz! I can'tz hold it! (commits suicide).
The dutch got soooo angry that they also took Alsec-Lorraine.
A new president got elected. And this was a president not hit by a coccosnut. The UP were in serious trouble now. This new president had a lot to fix. And this is were everhing started.
TBC....
Reply With Quote
