The Critic's Quill: Issue 2

[Calvin]

A Message from Calvin

I'd like to offer my hearty congratulations to Fergusmck and his team for what can only be described as a triumph of reporting with their publication The Critic's Quill. Like many other people on here I am a big fan of AARs, and I have no doubt that this will become a truly popular AAR reviewer, and I am so happy to have them as a part of the ES. So, on behalf of the Eagle Standard I'd like to welcome them all into the fold and wish this team all the best for the future. Any rep should be directed towards Fergus and the rest of the contributors - I haven't done a thing to help them!

Calvin
Chief Editor

Letter from the Editor

It was a very strange 18 or so days since we last went to print. In that time we have merged with the Eagle Standard. The weeks since the Critic's Quill (I have settled on that nomenclature) were hectic indeed. The first saw the contributors delve boldly into the bowels of the AAR forum once again, surveying all they could find. They resurfaced from their spelunking exhibiting discoveries and opinions, and I could have asked for nothing better. We have increased the number of reviews by a substantial amount, and we have also produced, for your entertainment, more articles about the AAR community. Juvenal was good enough to give not just an interview but also a review. We see the return of Aster to reviewing, his thread was the original catalyst for this publication, as well as a submission from the pen of SonofAlexander. The weekend, I thought, was going to be a quiet affair, with me bashing out a few reviews of my own. Calvin, through our go between Hesus, planned to scupper my plans of a quiet weekend AAR reading, reviewing and writing, however, but the best laid plans. After a frantic weekend with PMs lighting up the TWC servers, an informal agreement was sealed. This has led to where we are now, the second issue of the Critic's Quill, under the aegis of the burgeoning Eagle Standard. A long winded introduction, I know, but some things needed to be said, to our readers and contributers, but now, to reuse that already exhausted metaphor, it is time to get on the cave diving gear again, for there is a trove of riches to be found, and we hope CQ will be an adequate guide.

[user]Fergusmck[/user]
Editor

Table of Contents

• The Curse that befalls AARs
• The Fighting 33rd - A Regiment at War Review
• Cold Winter's People Review - A Russian AAR Review
• Sword of Albion - A Clan MacDougal AAR Review
• Thunder in the East Review
• The Pontic Expedition - A Roman AAR Review
• An Empire Reforged Review
• Sicilia Divided Review
• Interview with Juvenal

The Curse that befalls AARs

[user]Aster[/user]

We have read a whole bunch of AARs here at the Critic's Quill, but only a few have managed to break that curse which befalls the great multitude of AARs. I, an AARtist, try to look at and understand why so many AARs fail to reach the finish line. There are a lot of reasons, which I have catalogued here. Ranging from corrupted save games, loss of interest to the loss of the very hardware itself, I hope to show you these pitfalls so you don't fall into them yourself.

This is the curse as I understand it. In simple terms it's writers not finishing their work. But why do so many AARs remain unfinished? Here is a little list detailing the excuses that some writers give, and some possible real reasons that the writer abandons their work.

No.1 : Corrupted Savegames

This has to be the number one reason, if not the most destructive, curse that managed to destroy AARs, or maybe just used as a convenient excuse. Of course, this curse is actually very easy to protect against. But still. . .the most obvious one can actually be the most oblivious one. Tips to counter it :
1. Make new saves often. This can save you tons of time.
2. Before every battle, make sure you save your game, and make multiple saves of the same game, just in case.
3. And then. . .. Don't autosave, this is tedious. But of course, probably in 2 turns or so you will encounter a battle. Unless you want a peaceful time.

No.2 : Lack of further Interest

This is also one of the most destructive curses in TWC ever! Most of the time people suddenly become dissatisfied with their campaign or faction. And this usually leads to crumble of the AAR.. .. the end. And then, tips for avoiding this curse :
Make sure you love your mod (or vanilla if you still like it) and your faction a lot. Yes, A LOT. Play ahead a bit with a campaign before you commit yourself to anything. You might find that an exciting early game gives way to a boring mid-game. Better not to find this out during an AAR. Make sure you idolize your faction as well and that you know enough about them not to make it boring, either for yourself or for your readers. Then you should have more satisfaction in your campaigns.

No.3 : Little to no Encouragement

Encouragements are the comments and criticisms, and hopefully respect, by the usual guys who roam around the AAR forum. Usually, some people feel disheartened when there are no commentators. Me and The Critic's Quill team have tried our best to make this effect gone by reviewing. And of course, we are not gods and we cannot review 9999 AARs by a fortnight. Then, the tips so this does not happen is to never give up and keep going forwards. The past cannot be changed. You can only go forward when you have chosen to do so.

No.4 : Family Life

Prying siblings, despotic older brothers, cruel sisters, paranoids and such are those that can threaten you and your AAR. But I'm sure your house don't have people like that, right? But still. . . recently this case had happened. While I won't try to point at any person or anything, be it the AARtist or the AAR (We don't want to offend people). This can happen, my brother once deleted an RS save that I have played for 300 turns +! Then the tips would be. . . . make your computer private, you should make your own account. Back the save in your USB, also put it somewhere else where it may be a secret. Put protection codes when necessary.

No.5 : Real Life

Of course, all of us have a real life. And that means we cannot play or hang around TWC all the time. And that would mean that sometimes updates are being delayed rather often. In my AAR, I usually update every 3/4 days or so. For this, the tips are would be able to gauge your time between TWC and Reality. Play and come here when you must, but don't overdo one part. The scale must be balanced. And then, do not make. . . .

No.6 : Too many promises

When AARtists promise an update within let's say 1 day or so and they didn't give it. It can break the heart of it's fans. And then when that happens. . . Curse No.3 occurs and it can range from the spell of ending or perhaps actually a lesson and a step forward to greatness. The tips are extremely simple : Don't make too many promises!

No.7 : Trying to feature too much

While you maybe are an expert in writing classical AARs, If you want to write comedies, wait for a while or join Tale of The Week. Practice, and it will pay off. I have attempted to feature too many things in my AAR myself. You know it, my RS AAR that failed miserably. I have tried to include rap, comedy, fun and sadness at the same time. All resulted in bitter failure. And right now I am quite happy with my XGM AAR. It is what I have planned to be until now. Tips? Just don't do like what I did before.

No.8 : Reinventing the Wheel

Often it is hard to reinvent yourself as a writer. When you have tried an AAR in the past, and see it fail, more usual than not if you try one again in a similar vein or theme, it is doomed to failure. Unless you practice, the Tale of the Week is a good place for this, and build up your skill in writing, for example comedies, then it is going to be hard to break your mould. If you have tried writing a comedy, again just an example, but failed, then try to take a different approach the next time around. There are exceptions to this, but it often takes hard work. Be committed, know what you are good at, and try that.


No.9 : We have different games to play!

This is obvious, I have a PS2, DS and a Wii. C'mon, TW Games all the time can be a bore! (I must say sorry). Despite being a fanatic for TW, I still want to finish Ar Tonelico II, Valkyrie Profile, Rune Factory, and there are much that I want to name. The most obvious tips would be. . . update just occasionally and don't involve yourself with too much affairs around.

I hope you are not afflicted with the curse which often befalls AARs. It can be particularly annoying to a fan to be reading an AAR and half it stop for no good reason. Hopefully this little primer will make you pause when making promises, or by making you back up your saves. A last piece of advice, if you are going to stop an AAR, the fans would appreciate it if you would say so. It might make it easier if you parted with your fans on that note, so that you may be able to return in the future to your suspended AAR. In the end, I just hope that you find this useful.

'The Fighting 33rd- A Regiment at War' by Yorkshireman

[user]Total War King[/user]

The Fighting 33rd - A Regiment at War


I think I’ll start of by telling you why this AAR is so special. Most AAR’s are written as if you were the general or king of a nation, this one however is written from the perspective of an ordinary foot soldier from Yorkshire. He (Yorkshireman) combines hard battle descriptions with a sprinkling of Northern humour to form the perfect story blend. One quote I find particularly amusing is this:

The Colonel passes on his mount, "well done lads he said, We showed them." Well I suppose we did show them, but at a cost. Almost wishing I'd stayed at home. At least I'll get some new boots now. There’s about 500 pairs to choose from.

His screenshots are usually of good quality and help the story to develop. One or two of the screens are blurred or of bad quality but that is expected in any AAR. His use of the quote feature to narrate the story from the soldiers point of view is his unique selling point. The funny remarks and down to earth feel of the main character draws you in and gets you hooked instantly. Combined with the battle descriptions, which are detailed and concise at the same time, you get the perfect mixture which makes this AAR what it is.

He has a natural flair for writing which will probably improve as this AAR goes on. It has a lot of potential to become the next big one, if Yorkshireman makes regular updates and adds to the background and campaign story. He could also do with adding more main characters in, to give more variety to the story. As I have said before, he needs to update on a regular basis to keep his fan base satisfied.

The amount of updates is slightly disappointing, maybe one or two a week, but when they do come, there usually worth the wait. The comments received are all positive and generally full of well deserved praise. His writing style is a little ‘Rusty’ and sometimes the lack of background is …disturbing. Yorkshireman needs to work on the character details and maybe include more of the campaign, although that may take away some of the uniqueness of the AAR.

In conclusion, the AAR is a very original work with a lot of potential. The story is good, the characters are good and the screens are good. However there are a few fatal flaws. His screen shots are mediocre, his background is lacking and the language used isn’t very advanced. He also needs to improve the time between updates. Though the only reason the time between updates seems so long is because of the updates themselves, which are a joy an pleasure to read. All in all this is one of the best empire AAR’s out there at the moment, and could serve as a good example to other Empire AAR writers out there.

'Cold Winter's People - A Russian AAR' by Tuore

[user]Fergusmck[/user]

Cold Winter's People - A Russian AAR

I am going to come right out and say it now. I do not like tuore's AAR. I will explain why presently, but first I should give you an introduction to the AAR.

'Cold Winter's People' is tuore's latest Empire AAR and it follows the Russian faction on their rise to power. It is written in a simplistic manner, for every event which happens tuore illustrates it with a screen shot of the in-game event and a small sentence explaining, very briefly what is happening. It is through the screen shots which the story is told, and tuore comes to rely on them for nearly everything. I wonder which image hosting site he is using, since there must be hundreds of pictures for this AAR.

It is with the pictures that I have my first serious concern about the AAR. They are posted in an unedited fashion, giving us the whole UI. This was a concern raised by Aster in his review of the same AAR, and tuore responded. However, it was only in the last update which he did, so my criticism, I think is justified and still stands for the rest of his AAR. The size of the pictures make it very hard to make out what is going on, and since the pictures constitute nearly all of the substance of this AAR, that is a glaring and obvious error, one which I would not have expected a writer of tuore's experience to make.

As I have said, there is a little text after each picture. These are bland descriptions of what is happening in the screen cap, one which is unfortunately needed since it is hard to see what is going on in the picture. Apart from this, the text is spartan, and tuore fails to develop anything from his game, there is no story, no characters, nothing, and this is just an AAR in the most technical definition of the phrase. It was a slog to get through, I found myself bored with the 'story' after the first page. AARs are all very well and good, but unless there is something offered by the author to make it different from the slew of 'We did A, then B' types out there, it is not going to rate very highly in my book. The AAR would be a minor part of TWC if they continued to be like tuore's, bland, unimaginative and similar. The writers, the AARtists as they like to call themselves, have evolved the media, and it has become a very entertaining and fulfilling part of this site.

I am sorry to be so harsh about tuore's work. He is a good supporter of mine, as well as other people's, AARs, but I feel I could not possibly let anything like that make me give an anything but frank and true appraisal of how good an AAR I think it is. This is a serious let down from an author who wrote a much better AAR in the guise of 'The Foot of the Mediterranean Sea', a M2:TW AAR, which did not make as many, if any, of the mistakes which he has included in his newer AAR. It shows a storytelling streak, one which is ignored in Cold Winter's People. To be honest I can only recommend you to stay away from this AAR. Maybe it will act as a learning experience for tuore, a what not to do, especially after the moderate success of his previous work. I hope that he is not dismayed by this criticism, he is a very friendly poster, but AARs, in my view, are past the stage of just retelling the campaign, but should include story telling elements as well. Tuore can hopefully learn from his experience, and I hope his future AARs will go from strength to strength.

'The Sword of Albion - A Clan MacDougall AAR' by Theodotos I

[user]Aster[/user]

The Sword of Albion - A Clan MacDougall AAR

Here goes my bag of coin for betting whether this can success or not. . .

I will allow you to describe your own AAR. Taken from the prehistorical XI MAARC Nominations thread :

Description: In captivity far from his native land, Ewan MacDougall struggles against the odds of survival--and the swirling maelstrom of intrigue that surrounds the citadel of Dunscaith. . .

In simple words, I like it. Yes, I LIKE IT. Oh, you think only 3 words can fit into a review. I like it, yes I do. But still. . . no AAR is perfect. They have flaws, everything can have a flaw except the divine one above. And that does not exclude myself and every sign of life in this world. So forgive me if there is anything wrong with my review.

Text-wise. I can seem to get 3 pages without a picture. While I can tolerate that as it does not contribute into the lag of page loading time. Still, I would favour some pictures as spices as I usually eat my chickens with spices. Depends on what food I eat, depends on my style of preference. Okay, in due seriousness. . .

Don't put too much text please, I can get overwhelmed reading it. Despite being enjoyable, it can be MOAR enjoyable when you pressed two enter buttons. So it's neater and easier to read. More appealing to the eyes. Not tiring to review.

Btw, are now you are struggling to find the style worth your preferencing? I seem to find you changing your consistent font, which is this (Times New Roman size 3). I had also noticed that you reduced the size of the titles in the later parts. I would not like this to happen, mind you.

Character-wise, you seem to have described everything nicely. I can picture the character in my mind. Which is exactly the thing people had wanted to do since the beginning, correct? I can hear the words they speak inside my mind. I can hear the clashes of the sword. I can feel the sadness and grief to be faced.

In terms of picture, in the later parts. You have edited the pictures into black & white. Mind you, we don't want to see a black and white. Regardless of what age the AAR is set on. More or less I find it a bit lacking because the sheer awesomeness () of the text.

I can learn to love your dialogue, in terms of likeliness. Here's the one set for my mine. The ranks are set for the highest in the upper and the lowest in the. . you know.

If I say I love it. Then I love it with all my heart (don't mistake me for RL love)
If I say I like it. I can value it. But not to the best of it.
I believe you can know the rest by reading the rest of my reviews.

Still, I have seen close to no balance between the usual monthly reports (the campaign map thing) and the battles. I believe that in this AAR. Your only set of concentration are eyed down to battles and the stories of Ewan & co.

In page ten, you said this to us :

Okay, I've got some bad news. I was writing the other day on the top of a cliff near my house. I was dangling my feet over the edge and accidentally lost hold of my laptop, which I had been holding in my lap. It went over the edge and is now--a piece of junk. . .
Along with the mod, and the story. I'm sorry, guys.

Joking, right?

Here, some examples of the illustration that may even earn him a gold! Still, that's because you are always stuck in the 2nd or 3rd !

I rose, moved by a sudden impulse, and took the tallow candle from the top of the crate at my bedside. Another moment of groping in the darkness, and my hand found the flint and steel nearby.
My door opened noiselessly and I slipped into the hall. I could have found my way around the house blindfolded and a few moments took me to the stone stairs leading down to the cellar of the MacLewis house, or the armory, as I had described it to Father David.

"Promise me," she whispered.
I would have promised her anything at that moment, wings on my feet at the magic of her words. I felt as though I could walk without ever touching the ground. "I promise," I replied, leaning down to seal the bargain with a kiss.
I was young then. I knew not how easily promises could be made—how they could be broken with equal ease. Would to God I had kept my word. . .

So guys, I have done my work here. Hope you enjoy this .

Wo-lo-lo! I must leave now .

'Thunder in the East' by Santini

[user]Fergusmck[/user]

Thunder in the East

Santini's 'Thunder in the East' is a strange beast among AARs. It is half AAR and half Community RPG, with readers taking part in planning and strategy. It is, however, through the narration of Santini that the story is told, and he plays out all the decisions of his 'marshalls'. As an AAR it is certainly is different, and interesting, but it is new style does not lend itself to the type of AAR that I enjoy.

Thunder in the East follows the Eastern campaign of an expanded Prussian Kingdom. Santini starts his story in 1710, so it does away with the early game's tedious and predictable moves. His descriptions are clinical and enlightening, though they do not posses some of the more aesthetic qualities that usually distinguish good AARs. They only serve to illustrate the pictures which Santini includes with every update, and through which we learn the real happenings of the game. These pictures are good, they are not superfluous and are very well chosen. Santini has edited them to include several details, like the name of the army included, or the course of the campaign, the movement of the army, etc.. It also includes the movement of units and tactics during battles, which help gain an overall sense of the conflict.

The updates are sparse, they reflect the Prussian nature of the campaign and read like a military report. There is nothing really apart from commentary of his AAR. He takes decisions about certain elements, overall strategy for example, from some of his readers, but plays out the campaign himself. While he cannot offer much in the way of the different characters of his generals, for obvious reasons, he does do well in Role Playing himself, as Fieldmarshall Klaus von Santini.

Like I said, Thunder in the East is a strange AAR. I would probably not have reviewed it if it were not for the author himself asking for a review. It is unfair to him, I feel, to compare this AAR to others, as it does not pretend to do what they do. That being said, I must give my impression of it, and how much I enjoyed it. To be honest, I can see the appeal of it, I understand how those involved in contributing to the game enjoy it, but it is hard for someone just reading to really get much of it, at least for me it was.

It is not your typical AAR, and it should not be judged as such. There is promise in Santini's writing, and I think that if he did devote himself to a more conventional AAR that it could be good. He has potential which cannot be realised by the style in which he writes now. I commend him for trying something different with his AAR, but I cannot get into it, it just does not hold me. It is shallow in some aspects, the commentary and character being the major culprits, but that does not mean it is bad for what it is. If you are willing to get involved, post your ideas and become part of the RPG aspect of this AAR then I think you will enjoy it, but if you are looking for a story, something to hold and draw you in to the world of the actions and characters, then I suggest you pass this up.

'The Pontic Expedition - A Roman AAR' by Austen Bin

[user]Juvenal[/user]

The Pontic Expedition - A Roman AAR



In the beginning it was enough for an author to simply chronicle his campaign and we hungry readers would snap it up, wondering at the pictures of a mod or faction we hadn't played yet, admiring descriptions of square-jawed warriors overcoming all opposition, and imagining ourselves in the driving seat sweeping all before us. But those innocent days are largely gone. Now an AAR needs something extra, some aspect of the campaign we haven't seen yet, maybe a comedy, or a story tangential to the humdrum events of the actual gameplay.

Luckily The Pontic Expedition delivers this – in spades. It has been running for more than a year and represents a substantial part of Austen's posting history. At first glance you might expect it was going to be nothing special, it is a Roma Surrectum AAR, featuring the Romani. There must be dozens of such stories following the inexorable rise of the all-conquering Romani juggernaut. But in fact the Pontic Expedition is rather special. To begin with, it starts with the campaign well advanced, all of Italia and Iberia, Illyria and Greece already under Romani control. Secondly, it restricts itself to the campaign in Anatolia against Pontus and the Seleucid Empire, giving the story a definite frame and a goal (the defeat of Pontus).

This setting gives the story a focus, a group of Romani military leaders engaged in a great project, led by a father figure (the Dux Asinius Stolo) whose patronage flows down the hierarchy. The system of named legions in Roma Surrectum fits this scheme perfectly, each character tied by mutual bonds of loyalty to his legion as well as to his Dux. It also gives us two characters per legion, the Legate (commanding) and his Tribune (deputy). This allows battle descriptions to be constructed from the interplay between the actions of the Tribune (usually commanding the cavalry) and those of the Legate.

The characters develop naturally as the campaign plays out, so that no great swathes of exposition are required. They have a shared past (thanks to the mid-campaign start), and once the reader is firmly embedded in the prosecution of the war against Pontus, discord between the characters is brought in to create dramatic tension.

The initial ignorance of events elsewhere in the world is gradually dispelled as they intrude upon the story, and we learn of other campaigns being conducted against Carthage and Gaul, and of Romani factions vying for power in Rome. Eventually these external influences threaten the very existence of the Pontic Expedition and some of the characters become pivotal in their resolution.

I enjoyed Austen's writing, particularly the dialogue. It isn't perfect, there are numerous mis-spellings and wrong word choices (for example razed/raised pore/pour strait/straight), mixed tenses and various anachronistic terms (“the Pontic Front”) and modern idioms (“I figure”), but nothing that couldn't be fixed with proof-reading.

The pictures are good but not great, mixed sizes with many artifacts (such as the pointer, the selected unit off-screen arrow and bits of the UI). Austen has gone to the trouble of annotating his campaign pictures, which makes them very clear and useful. The battle pictures would also have benefited from annotation and/or captions, especially since he has banners switched off.

However, this doesn't bother me greatly because the prose more than makes up for these deficiencies. I appreciated the appearance of Latin terms for many contemporary concepts. Here are a couple of quotes illustrating what Austen can do.

The year was quickly becoming one of the bloodiest years in Rome's history! One legion had been destroyed and two more badly mauled. The campaign to take Tarsus in Asia Minor was an utter failure. The Gallic border was about to be overrun. The Carthaginian campaign was becoming the butt of many jokes in the bathhouses.

Neither the winter sandstorms in the east nor the snow flurries in the west brought any relief to the beleaguered troops. The I Adiutrix had to retreat from the siege of Tarsus due to overwhelming enemy forces. The Seleucids chased them through the plains and into the mountains where they made a stand.

One day, while they sat under a sun that no longer offered much heat through the cold that now drifted down off the mountains, a dust cloud appeared at the far end of the valley. Everyone knew it was the Seleucids finally coming to counter attack. The day after, the cloud came closer and the men's spirits rose with anticipation. Still the next day they could smell the enemy army on the wind and by days end the Seleucid camp was in view.

Austen also provides a good variety of story-telling devices, straight third-person descriptions, dialogue, spoken accounts and even letters. He also varies the tone of the story: brothers fighting the barbarians, rivals intriguing against each other, comrades standing against impossible odds, a stern patriarch upbraiding his men for fighting amongst themselves. The great leader reflecting on his fortune and the love of his men for him.

So, in conclusion, I recommend The Pontic Expedition to anyone who wants a good solidly written wholesome campaign story with a bit of intrigue.

'An Empire Reforged' by Vor

[user]Fergusmck[/user]

An Empire Reforged

Vor first posted this AAR nearly a year ago, and has rightly been added to the Scriptorium. In his second AAR, Vor follows the fortunes of the Venetian Republic. The youngest son of the Doge has recently revolted, and this is the scene when Vor opens with a well written prologue.

We are then thrown into a vivid battle scene accompanied by well chosen and exciting pictures. One of the little problems with these is the dreaded green arrows, but that is only a minor thing, and is more of a tip, to press enter before taking pics, than a real grievance I have. The use of pictures in this AAR is well done, Vor does not rely too heavily on them, but uses them to highlight something, or help the reader's imagination during battle scenes. This first battle is well written, but suffers to a small degree from a surgical and clinical approach to battle writing. There is no 'heart of the action' stuff, we are just an observer of the conflict, and not in the midst of it. This surgical writing becomes more and more noticeable in the coming battles, and is an obvious flaw, especially when the campaign map writing has built up to an epic struggle.

The campaign map writing, and to be more specific the characters that populate this story, are the highlight. At first the dialogue seems stale, and is very business like, but Vor quickly gets into the swing of things, and the conversations between Alessandro or Augutino and others are very well written. One of the aspects that I don't like about the campaign map writing is the shopping list style which Vor uses to recount events. It is obvious from the conversations between the characters that Vor could have introduced these things more naturally and in keeping with the narrative, then in the style has done. The chronological lay out of his AAR, each paragraph is headed with th year in which these things happened, I think has led, somewhat, to Vor adopting this style. He does make up for this by expanding on these events, so they do lend something to the narrative, even if they break, somewhat, the flow and rythm which Vor has masterfully created.

The style of Vor is good, as I have said he creates a flow in his stories which pull the reader in. His characters are also nicely varied. The difference between father and son is portrayed well, and we do not have a succession of warrior kings, who are virtually clones, unlike in other AARs. The minor characters, even if only introduced for one scene, are well written, and given their brief appearance, he does very well to imbue them with a sense of individuallity.

Vor has produced a thrilling AAR, even though it may be short by most standards. I am unhappy that he has not updated it in a while, as there is certainly a lot of potential for even more story telling. His tale is cut off early, and it is a real shame, because it really had me gripped. I can only hope that if he reads this review (I'll make sure he knows about it .) he decides to pick up where he left off. It deserves it's place in the Scriptorium, and it is a good read, though it may be lacking in some parts.

'Sicilia Divided' by Atterdag

[user]SonofAlexander[/user]

Sicilia Divided

Sicilia Divided is an older AAR, from 2007. It follows the tale of Antonius through several battles against Hamilcar in the Punic Wars. Though that doesn’t mean that is worse than the AARs being read today. It’s writer, Atterdag, is an accomplished moderator with many awards to his name. Unusually, this AAR is written as a single post, more like the AARs of a few years ago.

Right from the beginning, the flavour is informative and realistic: it gives a real sense of setting. The sentence structure really helps to not get lost in description, as many AAR author (myself included) can tend to do. However, sometimes this is taken too far, with the tale having a sort of on/off, staccato feel. Still, we are eager to see the coming battle between Antonius’ Legion and the Carthaginians.

The second storytelling viewpoint, from Hamilcar’s perspective, is a little more pungent and gritty. Personally, I think that telling a story from 2 viewpoints is a very interesting idea, with possibilities of the two characters meeting. This could lead to simply telling the story twice, but Atterdag pulls it off very well.

There are times, however, when certain touches should be made. For example, when Antonius’ colleague is hit by a javelin, Antonius shouts ‘Bloody hell!’. I think you’d agree with me that something more ancient-sounding or emotive would be better employed here. The tune of the battle is a bit repetitive but has some nice touches, like ‘…leaving the dead and dying behind, some crawling through the green and dry grass, looking for limbs.’ The well-taken pictures give a real sense of the desperation, the overwhelming loss of this battle. These, and the personal touches like the one quoted above really are indicative of Atterdag’s style.

Many people might be disappointed in the plot here however ; many want a battle, not just a simple defeat. However, as becomes the norm with Atterdag’s writing, there is something positive rising to balance that out. Hamilcar is developing a good character - better than Antonius, even - e.g., ‘Hamilcar’s white teeth were bared in his black beard'. However, we do get another battle soon after, this time not disappointing - the captions and pictures lead the reader through smoothly.

Hamilcar discussing the war with his senators gives us a clear view of the wider picture. There is some more elegant description in places e.g., ‘The sun was shining from a clear sky and far away to the north the waves of the sea smashed against the white beaches of Sicily.’ and the equally mellifluous ‘In the Carthaginian HQ Hamilcar rose from his stool and walked across the yellow brick floor, past the many flowers and exotic plants towards the cloister. He leaned and rested his back on one of the pillars.’

The final battle is fast paced, with the professional pictures and war quotes like ‘...the centurion raised his gladius and Antonius followed his new brothers in arms into the breach.' This AAR manages to maintain a very skilful equilibrium between description and action - a talent few ‘AARtists’ have mastered. Short but worth the reading, it historically portrays the Punic Wars and the differences between the 2 races involved, e.g., senator’s attitudes, hatred between races, mercenaries… In places the balance can slip a little, but given it was from 2 separate P.O.V, I found it quite refreshing. It needed a little more “direction” in places but certainly defines the term ’well-rounded’ AAR - but this does not mean that is it average in any way.

An Interview with Juvenal

[user]Fergusmck[/user]

[user]Juvenal[/user] was good enough to answer a couple of my questions about him and his writing. Juvenal is the writer of a series of successful AARs, starting with 'Juvenal's Journal' and he is currently writing 'Severus the God'. Along the way he has won many accolades, and was the first writer to be awarded the Silver prize for winning several MAARCs.

Why did you choose your username 'Juvenal'?

Many years ago I read a novel called Bridge of Sand by John James, set in Britannia around 80AD during the time of Agricola's campaign in Wales. When I registered at TWC, I wanted a Roman persona, so I chose the protagonist, Juvenal.

At the time I had no idea he was a real person, but when I searched for an avatar, I discovered that he was a famous historical figure. I know a lot more about him now, although I don't attempt to role-play as him, since it would probably get me banned.

When did you decide to start writing an AAR?

Imb39 PM'd me out of the blue to offer to sponsor me for Citizenship. I felt I ought to do something to justify his patronage, so I promised to start an AAR. A month later and I still hadn't started it, but then an AAR competition was announced (November 2007). It was just the thing to get me started on actually posting something and I haven't looked back since.

Which was your first AAR? Why did you want to write it?

It was Juvenal's Journal. I wanted to write a story about a Roman ancillary, envisaging him as a crackpot priest who interpreted everything in the game in terms of the conflict between patron Gods, but I couldn't get Europa Barbarorum to deliver the catastrophic defeats I wanted. In fact the other factions didn't want to attack me at all.

Then I had a thought, suppose Juvenal had an ancestor, what might he have been doing in 280BC? So I chose Casse (Britons), where epic stories could happen without disturbing the course of recorded history, and wrote my story with Juvenal's ancestor as an observer. He gave me complete freedom to comment on the Casse and their antics from an outsider's point of view. I also couldn't help adding silly references to the 1970's, knowing that most readers here wouldn't get them, and yet still hoping someone might comment. I am currently redrafting and expanding the Journal over at the .ORG for my own amusement.

How long have you been writing AARs? Why do you still write them?

I started in November 2007, there was a bit of a lull last Spring, but I have now been writing steadily since last July.

In the beginning I wrote just to see if I could. Having read many hundreds of novels in my life, I have a developed sense for what is good and bad, but I had never understood how to actually create stories like those I admired. Writers are often asked where they get their ideas from, and they never seem to have a satisfactory answer, so I thought writing would help me answer that question for myself.

I continue to write partly because I want to develop my stories, but it is actually people posting on my thread that give me the biggest impetus to produce work on a regular basis. When people post saying they like my story it creates a kind of obligation for me to try to make something worthy of praise.

What do you consider the weak points of your writing?

I am not very good at giving emotions to my characters, they all seem to be rather cold and calculating. I also have a long way to go with dialogue, to make it more natural and to give my characters a unique voice.

How often do you read other people's AARs? Do you have a favourite?

I am feeling quite guilty about not reading enough of the work of others. I have managed to follow the work of SeniorBatavianHorse, and he is definitely my favourite at present. But there are several distinguished AARs that I know I should read. Luckily I can address this problem by contributing to The Quill.

Which one of your own AARs is your favourite?

I have found Spite of Severus most satisfying. It has a story that makes sense and has a good strong ending. I did some research into the Britannia of 410AD in order to give the story verisimilitude, and this fusion of campaign events and real history seems to have paid off really well.

How long does it take, not including play time, for you to write an update?

I try to do an episode every weekend. I reckon it is probably five or six hours work.

How do you write an update (e.g. lots of redrafting, planning plot points, just spit it out etc.)?

• Play some turns, taking screenshots.
• Look at my screenshots and speculate about what was really happening in the campaign (I would sit back and puff on my Calabash pipe at this point if Sherlock Holmes hadn't taken it).
• Wait for an interpretation to come that makes sense in terms of the wider story (can take several days).
• Write an outline.
• Work on the pictures (crop, caption, assemble into panels).
• Search for and edit suitable images from the internet.
• Replay parts of the campaign if necessary to get any extra screenshots needed for the story.
• Expand the outline into a draft.
• Wait for a day or two.
• Review and rework the draft, rewording and expanding as necessary.
• Upload the pictures and post the episode

Do you find yourself playing Total War (Rome, Medieval or Empire) more for the game, or for your (possibly potential) AARs?

I play my AAR campaign just for the AAR (in the end I may find I am not even trying to win it if the story demands that). I play other campaigns for the game, but I am open to ideas for future AARs. What I am looking for is fresh ways of telling a story. I have seen some really clever things done by others on these boards. For example an AAR where the player is completely inactive and just watches. A campaign where the player manipulates the other factions with Force Diplomacy, a campaign from the point of view of a single unit. There are a lot of possibilities.

Do you ever think you will stop writing, if so, when?

It could happen, but I hope it won't. I think that creative writing is a good and fulfilling thing to do. I went down the sciences route at school and university, so I hadn't written anything creative since my teens (a while ago now). Now that I am trying to write, I find it endlessly fascinating (as well as frustrating) because the more I achieve, the more I see what could be done if only I knew how to write it.

Where do you get your inspiration for your AARs, other than from the game?

For Roman history there are the John James books, I Claudius, HBO Rome and internet research (for the period and setting). But for story, I have every book I have ever read and every film seen as inspiration.

[user]Juvenal[/user] is the author of several successful AARs including 'Spite of Severus' and it's sequel 'Severus the God'

From the Editor's Desk

I was asked during the week about the submission's policy to the Critic's Quill. I shall take the time to spell it out here. I like to see requests for a review of a certain AAR, as it takes some of the burden off of me, selfish I know. When people submit AARs to be reviewed, they already believe them to be of a certain standard, and that would help set them apart from the majority on the boards. I find one of the hardest things about this job is having to search through AARs looking for ones which are being well updated, or look like they will be. The Scriptorium is very useful, and I have made it a goal of the CQ to review more of the old, completed and possibly forgotten AARs there, which are already of a good quality, thanks to the discerning Librarians. So, that is our issue for this fortnight. I would like to thank all the contributers, including Juvenal, Total War King, Sonofalexander and Aster. I am sure the whole team will join with me in wishing Aster a happy birthday as well. Calvin has been great organising the merger with the Eagle Standard, a partnership that I feel will only go from strength to strength. Empress Meg is also deserving of acknowdlegement, for all her work with getting the separate forums and groups up. I hope you enjoyed this issue, and don't be afraid to comment. I won't bite (can't be too sure of Aster though ).
[user]Fergusmck[/user]

[Aldgarkalaughskel]

Great idea, great new issue, thanks for the writers and the editor too.

[Kátz]

The quotes are missing. It has a huge meaning to mine and Juvenal's review it has an impact on it. Calvin, where are you? Fix the quotes immediately!

Seriously, this is a good issue. Especially when it's my birthday and I'm happy to be wished a Happy Birthday .

I will blaze once more.

Wo-lo-lo! I will leave again !

[SonOfAlexander]

Happy birthday

[Xavier Dragnesi]

Happy birthday Aster! And great work to the contributors of the Critics Quill!

[Edward lV]

It looks good up there doesnt it? Congrats to my fellow reviewers/

[Empress Meg]

Well done gents and welcome to the fold.

Devoirs The Empress

[Yorkshireman]

A very good publication, with good reviews. A very fair review of my AAR, its encouraged me to get off my lazy arse and get it finished. Before I started mine I never really read any of the older Rome/Med stories, I did'nt realise there were so many good authors out there.

[Kátz]

Btw, should we get an announcement in the AAR forum? The people directed by the reviews don't see it here and they are the expected audience for us. I must apologize a bit when I say not all people read the ES though. And some might miss the part when it was said that we merged. People still know us by the AAR fora.

[ReD_OcToBeR]

Not a bad read, but I found the Cold Winter's People - A Russian AAR Review a bit harsh. I know there are many AARs around that simply are not great nor high standing, but beating on one AAR like that, when there are far worse around just did not do it for me. In my opinion its an "ok" AAR..but not an awful one that people should "stay away" from...

[Kátz]

There's a bit of problem too.

In the legend tags for The Pontic Expedition. The author is Austen Bin and not Austin Bin.

ReD_OcToBeR, I know there are a lot of those kinds of AARs. And it may be harsh because tuore has experience making AARs before. Notably the Foot of The Mediterranean Sea. Which earned a place in the Scriptorium. Do you know that only good AARs can enter there?

I would not like to go further as I may tell something I cannot tell.

[ReD_OcToBeR]

After taking a look around the forums I can kind of understand the criticism now, sorry to jump to conclusions, I was just a bit shocked at first. Ah well.

[Austen Bin]

Very well done guys! I have been looking forward to this coming and and I was not disappointed.

Thanks Juvenal for the fair review. I agree 100% with your critiques. Spelling has always been a problem for me, though I do tend to reach beyond my ability sometimes. Thanks for the overall positive comments, which I shall treasure!

To the rest of the staff, you all did a wonderful job! It really gives me the want to look at these other fine AAR's and leave some comments, which I don't do nearly enough.

Can't wait for the next one!

[Vor]

Ah, I was surprised to see An Empire Reforged was reviewed. I didn't even know it was in the Scriptorium.

I'm dyslexic so writing doesn't really come naturally to me. I'm far better at it these days than I was in my teenage years, obviously, but still . As such, receiving positive reviews and feedback, and constructive criticism, means a lot to me.

I may still have the save on a memory stick. If I do then this review may prompt the Empire to begin expanding again one of these days. I can't be sure though, it may have been on the stick that got stolen at work recently.

The entire post and all the reviews are an excellent read overall. Well done.

[Theodotos I]

Good review. Thanks. One note on the font and pictures. Font--I'm having trouble getting that worked out--it's not intentional. Pictures--all battles where Ewan is present will have color pictures. All battles where he is absent will have b & w. It's an old technique of mine.

[ReD_OcToBeR]

Pictures--all battles where Ewan is present will have color pictures. All battles where he is absent will have b & w. It's an old technique of mine.

I never noticed that you did that, great idea

[Theodotos I]

I never noticed that you did that, great idea

It's a carryover from Across the Waters, I used a lot of it there. It seems effective. Thanks.

[Conquistatore]

Awesome guys, rep all around. Someone get fergus to post so I can rep him too.