Lunar Hope

[IndianPrince]

Hey ppl,

Have been having some insomniac nights due to serious circadian rythm changes due to all-nighters for assignments/projects

So have been spending lonely nights awake ... and this poem is the product of that.

Lunar Hope

In the midst of night's dark blanket
Walking down the rocky cove
I gazed at the sky, silently

And in the midst of all that darkness
Slowly emerged from within
Twinkling wonders
Like pearls, shimmering white

The gentle sea breeze
Whispered among the swaying palms
And the murmuring soft waves
Bathing the silver sands
Cleansed my naked feet

And i stared into the far horizon
To the point where,
The liquid dark, met the gaseous dark
A a thin silver line glew in between

And I looked up at the sky again
And there i saw its milky white image
Seperating the darkness
With a strand of glimmering hope

- Abhijeet Manay a.k.a Prince

[Aldgarkalaughskel]

Thank you, it was a pleasure to read. You used nice poetic images. I guess your sleepless nights weren't useless at all!

[IndianPrince]

LOL. I guess not ... But this is definitely not my best work

It needs some critiquing ... please take the stage !

Prince

[Aldgarkalaughskel]

Alright, I'll try. I think you painted good images, but I somehow miss the rhymes from your poem. I know it's not necessary anymore in the poetry of the 20-21st century, but still...
I'd also advise you to use verbs instead of gerund form. F.e. say "The gentle sea breeze / Whispered among the swaying palms" instead of "The gentle sea breeze / Whispering among the swaying palms". Would make it much more lively. Smoothing out the number of syllables in a row would also improve your work.

Just my thoughts.

[IndianPrince]

Some changes done, though will have to do a serious revision later

Thanks PW !!!

Prince