Please critique my play!

[ChErNoByl]

I'm taking this creative writing course to fulfill a credit requirement here at school. Being a science major, you can imagine my panic when I was told I would have to write a short play to be read aloud for a bunch of people.

Anyways, this is what I came up with, I was hoping you guys could give it a read and let me know what I could improve on.

Title pending.

Scene One: Two men sit in a parked car outside a hotel.

Peter: Oh man, this is going to be great.
Miles: This is going to be terrible. Let’s go home, Pete.
Peter: Sorry, I turned the engine off. No turning back now.
Miles: Maybe I’ll knock that kid over there off his bike and pedal home.
Peter: You couldn’t take him. Come on. It won’t be as bad as you think it’ll be. There’s an open bar.
Miles: That won’t make those horrible people go away. (Sighs.) I don’t know how you got me to agree to this.
Peter: I’ll admit there were some sketchy people in our class, but not everyone was bad. There must be someone you want to catch up with.
Miles: (Hesitates.) There are people in there that have treated me like crap for years, robbing me of a blissful childhood. The last thing I want is to see them again.
Peter: They’re not kids anymore, Miles, you’re not going to get bullied or anything.
Miles: You’re right. I should leave my wallet in the car.
Peter: (Laughs.) Don’t tell me you got robbed in high school.
Miles: My lunch money got stolen once. It was very traumatic.
Peter: Why do you care, or even remember, after all these years?
Miles: It was pizza day. I-
Peter: (Laughs.) Oh no. I’m sorry you didn’t get your slice of pizza ten years ago. You must be starving. Who’s the big bad bully? I’ll make sure he gives you back your money.
Miles: Mike Eisenger. But he wasn’t the only-
Peter: Mike? No way. He was a friend of mine. He was a nice guy.
Miles: Well, I guess while you were busy making out in the corner with Kristen McWhatever-her-name-was, I was being robbed blind by your good buddy Mike.
Peter: That sucks. Don’t you remember anything good about high school?
Miles: No. God no. I hated it. My four years there weren’t full of binge-drinking and casual sex like yours were. I was very self-conscious about myself and it didn’t help to be robbed or be told that I looked like…(Pauses.) Going in there tonight would just bring up all those horrible memories that I’ve spent years trying to repress.
Peter: Doesn’t matter now. You’re a completely different person. Most people won’t even recognize you without your massive Michelin-man love handles. It’ll be like meeting everyone all over again. Plus, wouldn’t it give you some closure if you found out if Mike was broke and homeless?
Miles: That would make me feel better, actually.
Peter: There you go. Now will you please be your normal happy self and try to have a decent time tonight?
Miles: Fine, I’ll go. But I refuse to have fun.
Peter: Great. Let’s go. And bring your wallet.

Scene two: A high school reunion is taking place in a hotel ballroom cheaply decorated with balloons and streamers. Miles is talking to the bartender when Peter and Mike approach.

Miles (To bartender): I was too shy to say anything to her, but it didn’t matter since Pete-
Peter: Hey Miles. You remember Mike Eisenger, right?
Mike: (Holds out his hand.) Miles! Look at you! You’ve lost a ton of weight.
Miles: (Shakes hand.) Really? Wow, I guess I did. Thanks. How are you?
Mike: Great! Peter and I were just reminiscing about old times, and he mentioned the time that I took your lunch money. Do you remember that?
Miles: Oh, uh… yeah, now that you mention it… (Glares at Peter.)
Peter: I’m going to grab a drink. (Turns around to bar.)
Mike: Hey, I just wanted to apologize for being a bully, man. I had kind of a drug habit back then, and I would do anything for cash. Anything. I didn’t even eat lunch, I would just save the money my parents gave me and throw it away to dealers. I can pay you back, if you’d like. How much did I take from you?
Miles: Don’t worry about it.
Mike: You sure?
Miles: Yeah, it’s not a big deal. It was so long ago too, I don’t want to… uh…(Trails off.) … So, I hope you’re not homeless and still addicted to drugs. You didn’t steal that suit you’re wearing off of some kid on his prom night, did you? (Laughs forcibly.)
Mike: (Laughs.) You’re funny. Fortunately, the superintendent owed my dad a favor, and I was able to graduate, despite doing nothing but getting high all day. Now I’m married, with a beautiful two-year old daughter, and I run my own business. Couldn’t be happier.
Miles: (Eyes scan around for Peter.) Wow, great. Uh… what sort of business?
Mike: (In a rambling tone.) I own a campus clothing store over in Springfield called Tough Hattitude. Business has been going really well now but it was hard to get started—I had an awful battle with this guy Al over who would get to lease the store space, since, you know, campus-side stores are very competitive to get, but my dad helped me out and managed to get Al deported, and…
(Miles turns to the audience and steps forward while Mike continues talking normally. Miles has a violent tantrum, pounding the floor with his fists and screaming at the top of his lungs before stepping back into the conversation with Mike.)
Mike: … because we have tough attitudes, and hats are our specialty. So, what do you do?
Miles: (Slightly out of breath.) Oh uh… I’m a musician. I want to be a film composer someday, but I’m working my way up right now, doing small contracts like commercials.
Mike: Oh yeah? Anything I might’ve seen?
Miles: Well, I recently did the jingle for a tire commercial.
Mike: (Smiles.) Was it the one for-
Miles: (Coldly, suddenly.) No.
(Silence. Mike nods, looks around while taking a sip of his drink.)
Mike: Well, it was nice catching up with you, Miles. I’ll talk to you later. (Mike leaves, Peter comes up behind Miles with a drink.)
Peter: See? He’s not such a bad guy, right?
Miles: (Takes Peter’s drink and takes a large swig.) Not at all. He’s tall, smart and successful. Good for him.
Peter: Then why are you still being all sulky? You’re not going to get your wallet stolen.
Miles: I guess I might be jealous.
Peter: (Produces another drink from behind his back.) What do you mean?
Miles: Growing up, the one comforting thought I had that got me through grade school was the belief that life was fair and that it would even itself out. I thought that since my younger years were so crappy, my suffering would warrant destiny to make my adult life extra-luxurious, and that the popular kids like you and Mike would eventually burn out and join the army or take out my trash. No offense.
Peter: It’s cool.
Miles: I’ve always thought it was true to an extent. I slimmed up, started dating, made some good progress on my career… when you asked to move in, I was sadistically satisfied to see that you were a lazy bum with no job, no offense. But, seeing how successful Mike is makes me feel like a depressed kid again, like all my accomplishments don’t mean anything since my insane prophecy hasn’t been fulfilled.
Peter: Hey, cheer up. It could still be true. I mean, look at me. I’ve followed the grim destiny that you assigned to me. And maybe Mike has too. Think about it. If you were a pirate, and someone asked you how you were, you wouldn’t say, “terrible! A shark ate my leg and a parrot pecked out my eye.” You’d say, “yarr-xcellent! Me ship overflows with rum and Aztec gold.” Mike’s probably just hiding something from you.
Miles: (smiles) I wish I were a pirate.

Scene three: Same, later. Miles and Peter reunite, drunk and disheveled.

Miles: (Drunkenly.) Where the hell have you been?
Peter: See those women over there? (Points.)
Miles: Yeah? Were you talking to them?
Peter: No. But they’re really cute. (Hiccups.)
Miles: Hey, is that Kristen McLaughlin?
Peter: Is it?
Miles: It is. She’s gorgeous.
Peter: Hey, I thought you didn’t remember her last name.
Miles: Yeah. Whoops.
Peter: What do you mean, whoops?
Miles: I uh…
Peter: Usually being drunk makes you forget things.
Miles: Not with me. I get smarter when I’m drunk. I have this rare condition where-
Peter: Come on.
Miles: Fine. I had a huge crush on her in high school.
Peter: Really? When?
Miles: In high school. When you were dating her.
Peter: Oh, wow, I had no idea! You must’ve hated me.
Miles: I did. But I liked you too. You were a good friend. It was very confusing.
Peter: I’m sorry! If you had said something I would’ve-
Miles: Stop saying stuff like that. It doesn’t help knowing what I could’ve done differently. Plus, I wouldn’t have wanted you to do anything anyway.
Peter: Is that why you agreed to come tonight? So you could talk to her?
Miles: No. I came because you needed a driver. But yeah… maybe.
Peter: Well, why didn’t you say so?
Miles: I don’t know. I’ve always felt weird for liking the same girl you did. I feel like I’d be competing with you over a girl again, and I wanted to avoid that at all costs, after what happened with Jessica last year.
Peter: The scars make for a good story.
Miles: (Laughs.)
Peter: No, man. No competition. I had my shot ten years ago. Go talk to her.
Miles: (Pondering.)
Peter: Don’t give me that tone! Just do it. You’d be straightening your life out, right? You get the happiness now that you couldn’t before, and all that stuff?
Miles: I guess so. But what if she-
Peter: Go do it. You’ll be glad you did, and I won’t have to hear you complain about how crappy your night was later.
Miles: …Fine.
Peter: Go.
Miles: I will!
Peter: Fine!
Miles: Fine! (Leaves, starts walking towards Kristen, hesitating along the way while fixing his hair and finishing his drink.)
Miles: (Clears throat.) Hi, Kristen.
Kristen: (Looks confused for a second.) … Oh my God, Miles?
Miles: Yup.
Kristen: Wow, I didn’t even recognize you! You look great! You’re like a completely different person!
Miles: Thanks! It’s been good to hear compliments instead of bad fat jokes this time around. It’s good to see you.
Kristen: (Laughs.) It’s good to see you too. How have you been?
Miles: Great. Being here has brought up a lot of memories from high school.
Kristen: Definitely. Seeing you just now reminded me of the time you ran through the hallway in your underwear sophomore year.
Miles: Oh, yeah. Someone took my clothes while I was changing after gym class, so I tried to get my jacket out of my locker before the bell rang.
Kristen: (Laughs.) It almost worked.
Miles: Hearing that bell ring was probably one of the scariest experiences of my life.
Kristen: It was really cute when everyone came out of class and you just yelled, “I think the school dress code should be more relaxed!” while you were opening your locker.
Miles: Cute?
Kristen: Yeah. I kind of had a crush on you after that, you know.
Miles: (Emboldened.) Hey, do you want to… (Trails off as Mike approaches and puts his arm around Kristen.)
Kristen: Hey! Miles, do you remember my husband Mike?
Mike: Hey, Miles. (Kisses Kristen.)
Miles: (Disheartened.) Yeah, I remember… we had lunch together once.

Scene Four: Later, outside. Miles and Pete sit in their car, tired and a little hung over.

Miles: Well I hope at least you had a good night.
Peter: Yeah, actually. But I’ve had my fill. On with life. Let’s go home.
Miles: I can’t drive this thing. I would probably crash into the hotel.
Peter: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Miles: Yeah, actually. Hand me the keys.
Peter: I guess we can stay at the hotel tonight.
Miles: (Groans.) I don’t want to go back in there.
Peter: What? Are you that disappointed that life doesn’t work the way you think it does?
Miles: I stopped believing that life was fair a long time ago. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to gag Mike with one of his stupid hats.
Peter: Yeah, you’re right. Mike’s a prick.
Miles: I thought he was your buddy.
Peter: He threw good parties, is all. But I feel the same way you do. I loathe his success. I didn’t like high school that much either, you know.
Miles: Really?
Peter: Well, the reason I went out and got drunk all the time was because I needed to get away from home. My parents fought constantly and made me feel terrible, like I was this great burden on the family. My friends were more of a family to me than my real family ever was. That’s why I wanted to come out here and see the people that helped me get through those years, you know?
Miles: Yeah, wow. Sorry for calling you a bum.
Peter: I don’t mind. I am a bum. But my life is a lot better now than it was before. I’m out of the house, away from my parents, and I can do whatever the hell I want. Like you said, my life evened out a bit. But Mike, he’s just a spoiled rich kid who has other people do all the hard work for him. And what the hell kind of name is Tough Hattitude?
Miles: His daughter probably came up with that one.
Peter: Yeah.
Miles: I guess there’s no point in comparing our lives with his. Clearly the best solution for me is to just get as far away from these people as possible.
Peter: Yeah. We should probably find a way out of here soon. Mike might come looking for us.
Miles: What? Why?
Peter: I saw him fiddling around with his jacket earlier, so after he left I went over there and stole his wallet. I think he might’ve seen me.
Miles: (Laughs.) Really?
Peter: (Holds up wallet.) I just wanted to even things out a bit.
Miles: There’s a pizza place around the corner.
Peter: Let’s go.

[Taruthin]

I really haven't read many Plays(scripts?) but I think you did a good job of setting the mood from the start, Peter and Miles developed quite fast(in a good way). The story is good for what it is ,and the dialogue works. You did a good job(better than I could do) best of luck with this.