Joke Thread

**Orolinwe** · March 24, 2005, 10:52 PM

Q: What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?

A: Klondike

(I begin with a mildly offensive joke, though I doubt there are many lesbians here at least, hehe. However, let's keep em from being overtly offensive in a racist or sexist way, though I don't mind politically offensive *tongue* )

MAKE ME LAUGH!

**Ó Cathasaigh** · March 24, 2005, 10:54 PM

Did you hear about Micheal Jackson?

He pulled a groin muscle.............................................................pause................................they don't know who's it was yet.

pariya · March 24, 2005, 11:14 PM

i would ad some jokes but thats how the basterds at totalwars.net banned me and kicked me out of the senate..... for inapropriate jokes in a joke thread :-D lol

**Akhilleus** · March 25, 2005, 12:07 AM

any time you think you're having a bad day imagine you have a twin brother conjoined at the hip
now imagine your brother is gay and you are not
then imagine your brother is having his boyfriend over for company tonight...
you only have one @$$ :crying

**Rand Al Thor** · March 25, 2005, 12:12 AM

*QUESTION*
How racist/sexist are we allowed to go with jokes in a joking environment?

**Mad monkey** · March 25, 2005, 12:25 AM

Originally posted by Akhilleus@Mar 24 2005, 10:07 PM
any time you think you're having a bad day imagine you have a twin brother conjoined at the hip
now imagine your brother is gay and you are not
then imagine your brother is having his boyfriend over for company tonight...
you only have one @$$ :crying

:huh :sick :sick That is the sickest....funniest.....most uncalled for joke ever posted on TWC...it should be recorded!

**Niles Crane** · March 25, 2005, 12:50 AM

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

pariya · March 25, 2005, 01:45 AM

lol... they managed to un-categorize the joke as not “another dumb blonde joke” just by including it in the material.

Nice. :-)

**Dead Lurker** · March 25, 2005, 02:55 AM

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."

**Loopers** · March 25, 2005, 03:46 PM

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job".

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a
two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're :wub:ting me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

**Loopers** · March 25, 2005, 03:54 PM

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.”

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?”

The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?”

Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I’LL crap on it’s head!”

**Loopers** · March 25, 2005, 03:58 PM

Ahhh, Marriage

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves mistakenly
assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though
initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retire and
fall asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend
that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own f...ng blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farts.

**Eric** · March 25, 2005, 04:15 PM

i've got one a vicious dingo is walking through customs to get into America and the customs agent asks him "occupation" the dingo answers "well I grab people by their jugulars, devour their flesh and strip them of all human dignity" and the custom agent says "very well I shall put down banker"

**IronBrig4** · March 25, 2005, 04:44 PM

Okay, so there's this married couple. They get invited to a Halloween party. They decide what they're gonna wear. The wife will go as a nurse and the husband chooses to wear a full gorilla suit. The day of the party arrives, but then the wife comes down with a terrible headache. She tells her husband that she can't go, and that she'll just take some aspirin and lie down. He reluctantly leaves for the party by himself.

Several hours later, she wakes up feeling just fine. She suddenly thinks it'll be fun to see what her husband acts like when he thinks she's not around. So she wears a different costume with so much facepaint that nobody will be able to recognize her. She arrives at the party and sees the guy in the gorilla suit. He's dancing with every lady at the party, pinching and squeezing them every chance he gets. She asks him to dance, and after a while he propositions her. They disappear to a back room and have sex. She still doesn't tell him, so she heads home and waits to give him a good chewing out.

At about 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, her husband walks in.

"So dear," she coldly asks, "Did you have a good time tonight?"

"Of course not, honey. You know I'm never happy when you're not with me."

"Oh really? What did you do at the party?" She's about to start yelling.

"I felt pretty miserable at first. But then I met up with some buddies. We went down to the basement and played poker the whole time. But I let this one guy borrow my gorilla costume. And boy, he had a wild time!"

**The_Lords_Skinner** · March 28, 2005, 09:18 AM

:happy Okay I decided to post a new topic
to post Funny Jokes
At This Time I do Not Have One :sad

But People Could post there jokes here PLEASE! :happy

**Amorphos** · March 28, 2005, 09:57 AM

A ‘st*t’ and a ‘wig’ goes in a pub; “a pint please landlord” said the :wub:, “no” says the landlord, “why not” says the :wub:, “because your steaming & your mate is of his head!”