Jokes, one liners, etc (give us a laugh, now that RSII is here)

[GreatOne]

How can one talk with something that doesn't exist?

Good joke though


-What kind of woman knows where her husband is all the time?
-A widow


-What connects Elvis Prisley, Marilyn Monroe and Curt Cobaine?
-Underground waters.


On the edge of an abyss stands Hitler and around him a swarm of Jews
He pages one:

"Put your hands up"
And pushes him

"Put your hands horisontally"
And pushes him

"Put your hands against your body"
And pushes him

Gebels approaches and says to him:

Adolph the tetris you have a call waiting.

Stivi Vonder talks with a friend

-Ah Stiv you don't know what are you missing by being blind...
-Never mind that, imagine I was black!


Kid runs up to a cop
-Sir, sir is this your baton?
-No, I lost mine..-replies the cop


Woman with a child are waiting for a bus.On a bus stop one cop waits too.The child cries

-Mommy mommy, when is the bus coming?
-Be patient, they are repairing it, it's coming.

They wait for half an hour the cop is walking in circles.

-Mommy mommy , did they fix it?
-Yes yes, they only have to wash it.

They wait for another half an hour

-Mommy mommy, have they finished washing it?
-Yes, yes, they only have to paint it.

In that moment the cop throws his hat and yells

-They HAVE to paint it NOW!

[Ian Altano]

Okay, here we go:


If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the opposite of PROGRESS?

-
Hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail? Yeah the headlines in the newspaper read "SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE"

-
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.

-
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

-
Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff


That's it for now!
Ian

[♔Jean-Luc Picard♔]

nother long one

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Murphy's laws of combat operations...

1. Friendly fire - isn't.

2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.

3. Suppressive fires - won't.

4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.

9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready; when you're not.

16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

22. The easy way is always mined.

23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

28. Incoming fire has the right of way.

29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)

36. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

37. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

38. Tracers work both ways.

39. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

40. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

41. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

46. Weather ain't neutral.

47. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

48. Air defence motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

49. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.

50. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

51. Napalm is an area support weapon.

52. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

53. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

54. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

55. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

56. The one item you need is always in short supply.

57. Interchangeable parts aren't.

58. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

59. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

60. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

61. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

62. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

63. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

64. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

65. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

66. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

67. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

68. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

69. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

70. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

71. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the
weapon's operator.

73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after y u need it.

74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)

77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.

84. When you have sufficient supplies ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honour.

86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

87. Murphy was a grunt.

88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

89. Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

93. The crucial round is a dud.

94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.

98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.

99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.

100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.

108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

111. Walking point = sniper bait.

112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

114. All or any of the above combined.

enjoy

Skan

[apple]

Classic mate


Commander: Alright squad, on my command you fire at will, understood?
*One man jumps up, yells, and runs off*
Commander: What the hell is wrong with that guy, who is he anyway?
Squad Leader: His name is Will Spencer, sir.

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."

[ISA Gunner]

Classic mate


Commander: Alright squad, on my command you fire at will, understood?
*One man jumps up, yells, and runs off*
Commander: What the hell is wrong with that guy, who is he anyway?
Squad Leader: His name is Will Spencer, sir.

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."

The 2nd one is fantastic lol.

Shoulda done a nukety nuke nuke.

[apple]

If IBM made toasters ...
We would see a giant toaster that offers people to leave their bread for the long roasting at night.
IBM would claim that they have put the world market for itself with five, maybe six toasters.

If Microsoft made toasters ...
Would you have to buy a new toaster every time you buy a new loaf.
Toaster 95 would weigh about seven tons and would therefore require a reinforced kitchen bench, drawing as much power as a small city,
take up 95% of space in the kitchen, require that it is the first toaster that lets you choose how dark or light toasted you want bread,
and would question all the electrical appliances in the kitchen to find out who manufactured them. People would hate Microsoft toasters,
but would buy them anyway, since most good bread is the best in their toasters.

If Apple made toasters ...
Would they do everything that Microsoft toaster does, though five years earlier.

If Fisher Price made toasters ...
Would "My first toaster" have a little handle on the side and when you turn on the jump's two slices of bread in plastic as the old man in the box.

If SÄPO (The Swedish Security Police) made toasters ...
Would your toaster have a secret door that only SÄPO could use if they for any reason want to access your toast.

If Sony made toasters ...
Their Sony Walk Toast wouldn't be larger than the bread that is supposed to rust and could easily be attached to your belt to take with you anywhere.

If Cray made toasters ...
They would cost around 80 million, but would be faster than any other toaster in the whole world.

If SIBA ( a large Swedish chain of home electronics retail stores) made toasters ...
Staff would be happy to sell you a toaster, but they wouldn't have a clue how it works.

If TV Shop made toasters ...
Would you not be able to find them in the store with you would also get a set of laser-cut blades as well as a practical GRATER the disk by holding it under the tap.

If Bang Olufsen made toasters ...
Would it have a design that makes you unable to find the holes in which to put bread. It would also end up in price "alone-Bill-Gates-price" and would therefore only be produced in five copies.

If MacDonald made toasters ...
Would you be able to choose from seventeen toaster menus, where you also get a loaf of bread, a butter packet and a butter knife.
Would you choose Happy Toaster would you also get a small toy that can easily be roasted.
All slices of bread toasted in MacDonald toasters, however, would make you hungry again after 30 minutes.

[RomaVictor6969]

Classic mate


Commander: Alright squad, on my command you fire at will, understood?
*One man jumps up, yells, and runs off*
Commander: What the hell is wrong with that guy, who is he anyway?
Squad Leader: His name is Will Spencer, sir.

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.

"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."

EPIC!!!!!! +REP

[Companion Cavalry]

What is the difference between a politician and a catfish?

One's a mud-sucking, slimy bottom dweller, and the other's just a fish.

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A salad shooter.

[MarcusTullius]

Some more from me!

A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were
discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright,
I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over
here!"
The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"
The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"
Without hesitating, the private kills the man.
The general says, "See? That man has balls!"
The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!"
The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?"
The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and
then kill yourself."
Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows
away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!"
The admiral says, "That's nothing."
He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off
that tower!"
The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"
The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"
The seaman replies, " you, sir!"
The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains
too!"

***

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle
range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills
behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go
and shoot myself."
The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

[Sandrus Castus]

That last one ; speaking about being rude or untactful. :O

[Ian Altano]

Ever wonder ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing

liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

[raycharles5]

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Is it mine?

[ciprianrusu]

The financial situation at the moment is so bad that women are now marrying for love.

[♔Jean-Luc Picard♔]

mature content warning

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

<+kmad> whats the best way to get vaseline off your dick
<@BigJesus> sand paper
<+royceda59> lol
<+kmad> you, not fallign for that again

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

<Slave>So good party round mine, wasn't it Duncan
<Player45> Hell yeh!
<Johanna>oh really?
<Player45>Yeh we all got completely up, except the one problem
<Slave>Problem?
<Player45>Yeh, your sister and her electric toothbrush, hell she must have kept me up half the night using that thing, her teeth must be super clean
<Slave>Electric toothbrush? She doesn't have one, no one in my family has one
<Johanna>hmm..
<Slave>OH JESUS CHRIST ON A MOPED!

Skan

[Legionary Titus Pullo]

A couple take on an 18 year old girl as a lodger.


She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom, and so she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

'Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts', she said; so the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.


After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed.

She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home.


He didn't believe her, and so she said, 'Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself'.

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, 'Do you shave?'


'No', replied the girl. 'I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?'


'Oh yes', said the woman and she showed off her very hairy crutch.

When the husband got back in she asked, 'Did you see it?'


'Yes', he said. 'But why the hell did you have to show her yours?'


'Why not?' she said. 'You've seen it all before.'


I know', he said, 'but the bloody darts team hadn't'!

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... And those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in Scotch there is strength, In beer there is freedom, and in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, ( E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or Scotch whiskey, Tequila, Rum or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a Purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop; Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service

and another one as ive been away for so long.

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to afternoon tea with Queen Elisabeth.
He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.

She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

He asks how she knows if they are intelligent.

'I do so by asking the right questions', says the Queen,

'Allow me to demonstrate'.

She phones Gordon Brown and says, 'Mr Prime Minister, please answer this question' :


Your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it ?'

Gordon Brown responds, 'It's me, ma'am.'


'Correct! Thank you and good-bye', says the Queen.


She hangs up and says, 'Did you get that, Mr Bush?'


'Yes, ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!'

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put Sarah Palin to the test.



He calls her to the White House and says, 'I wonder whether you can answer a question for me.

'Why, of course, Sir. What's on your mind?'


'Uhh, your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?'
Palin hesitates and then asks, 'Can I think about it and get back to you?'

Bush agrees and Palin leaves. She phones Barack Obama and explains her problem.


'Now look here, your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?'


Obama answers immediately, 'It's me, of course.'



Much relieved, Palin rushes back to the White House and exclaims, 'I know the answer, Sir!' I know who it is! It's Barack Obama!'



Then Bush replies, 'Wrong! It's Gordon Brown !'


Please edit your post instead of tripple posting! Maxim Victor

[ISA Gunner]

A couple take on an 18 year old girl as a lodger.


She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom, and so she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

'Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts', she said; so the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.


After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed.

She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home.


He didn't believe her, and so she said, 'Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself'.

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, 'Do you shave?'


'No', replied the girl. 'I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?'


'Oh yes', said the woman and she showed off her very hairy crutch.

When the husband got back in she asked, 'Did you see it?'


'Yes', he said. 'But why the hell did you have to show her yours?'


'Why not?' she said. 'You've seen it all before.'


I know', he said, 'but the bloody darts team hadn't'!

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... And those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in Scotch there is strength, In beer there is freedom, and in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, ( E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or Scotch whiskey, Tequila, Rum or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a Purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop; Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service

and another one as ive been away for so long.

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to afternoon tea with Queen Elisabeth.
He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.

She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

He asks how she knows if they are intelligent.

'I do so by asking the right questions', says the Queen,

'Allow me to demonstrate'.

She phones Gordon Brown and says, 'Mr Prime Minister, please answer this question' :


Your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it ?'

Gordon Brown responds, 'It's me, ma'am.'


'Correct! Thank you and good-bye', says the Queen.


She hangs up and says, 'Did you get that, Mr Bush?'


'Yes, ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!'

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put Sarah Palin to the test.



He calls her to the White House and says, 'I wonder whether you can answer a question for me.

'Why, of course, Sir. What's on your mind?'


'Uhh, your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?'
Palin hesitates and then asks, 'Can I think about it and get back to you?'

Bush agrees and Palin leaves. She phones Barack Obama and explains her problem.


'Now look here, your mother has a child and your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?'


Obama answers immediately, 'It's me, of course.'



Much relieved, Palin rushes back to the White House and exclaims, 'I know the answer, Sir!' I know who it is! It's Barack Obama!'



Then Bush replies, 'Wrong! It's Gordon Brown !'


Please edit your post instead of tripple posting! Maxim Victor

First one was nice Titus

By the way.....its spelt Queen Elizabeth (with a z if you hadn't noticed).

Secondly....Queen Elizabeth is dead and has been for 405 years....Its Queen Elizabeth II. Thats a mistake associated with the likes of say....George Bush Jr. - not you.

And for a short joke...

How many gears does a French tank have?



Just one - the reverse gear.

[Kátz]

this one is based on RTW engine:

two guys in a unit talking
First guy : "Where's your sword buddy?"
Second guy : "In your body buddy!"
Hope you like it.

[ISA Gunner]

this one is based on RTW engine:

two guys in a unit talking
First guy : "Where's your sword buddy?"
Second guy : "In your body buddy!"
Hope you like it.

Hehe. Bet that was popular in the C.A development building

[Legionary Titus Pullo]

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'

'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

'Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.'

[Redolegna]

How many gears does a French tank have?

Just one - the reverse gear.

Ok, I find it pretty funny (except that I know it with five reverse gears and one for going forward, just in case the enemy strikes from the rear) but here is the conundrum I find myself in. When was the last time the French army behaved cowardly? And please, don't mention WWII. I said the army, not the commanders.

I mean, there are lots of things France hasn't to be proud about her troops, mainly suppressing some colonial riots in bloodbathes and torturing. But really, being cowards? I can't think of a real occurence and I don't really like the military.