Zodiac's Retro Game Reviews

[Zodiac]

This could turn into a Weekly or Bi-Weekly event. Depending on how I'm feeling and whether not I have to play the game. Most of the games I will review I have already played. Also I will not review crappy games, I do not want to develop mental problems or be called a cheap AVGN knock-off or something. That's all I have to say and now on to my first review.


Final Fantasy

Chances are.... you haven't played this game. It is afterall, positively ancient and valuable at the moment. Anyway my dad got the game in 1991. Then 9 years later, I played the game got my ass kicked and didn't beat it until 2 years ago.

Anyway,I'm going to start off with my version of the game's story. It's short but to the point IMO. Also, I'll post it in a spoiler so no one comes to me whining about how I ruined the game and their lives.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

4 Kids ,or rather Light Warriors, must save the world. They defeat the four fiends and restore the four Orbs. As it turns out, the job is not over yet. They must travel back 2000 years in time to defeat the Arch-Demon Chaos. As it turns out, he is the one who sent the Four fiends into the future and in another twist. He's the first fiend you thought you killed. Apparently, he went back in time and took lots and lots of steroids. Anyway, you get involved in a epic battle between Light and Darkness. After you defeat Chaos the Time-Loophole-Paradox thing that Chaos created goes away and none of it ever happened. I have no Idea what the Hell happens next, so I'll let Wikipedia explain it.

"By ending the paradox, however, the Light Warriors have changed the future, to one in which their heroic deeds from their own time remain unknown outside of legend".

In all honesty, the ending kind of confuses me because of all the Paradoxes it potentially creates. Maybe I'm not the only one who feels this way?

Now I'm going to explain the gameplay. I'm not going to lie, random encounters have a habit of turning into Battles of Attrition. The only way to counteract this effect is to level grind..... and HARD. Then by the time you get your team into a new area, you find out that you have to do it all over again. Once you finish grinding, you find out that your team's levels aren't high enough when a boss pounds them into the ground. Starting the Grinding process all over again.

The game mechanics are rather simple. I won't go too in-depth, but I will say the Highest your HP can go is 999... This only adds to the games already punishing difficulty. Anyways, I'm just glad you can get above 1,000 HP in the following games.

The game is punishing to be sure, but it's not like the game ever gives you any impossible moments. Just like ALL retro RPGs, It's just a game that requires patience and lots of it. Without it, Final Fantasy will tear you to pieces and throw those pieces into a fire.

P.S - I didn't notice when I first typed it, but I think I made a Portal reference with that last sentence.

[Thanatos]

Oldies are goodies. Some people may give me the title of "Nostalgiafag" or some other kind of nonsense, but doggone it, there are a LOT of old games out there.

[Zodiac]

Oldies are goodies. Some people may give me the title of "Nostalgiafag" or some other kind of nonsense, but doggone it, there are a LOT of old games out there.

Yeah there are lots of good ole' games out there. That is why I expect this thread to get Massive and maybe stickied one day, but a long ways off.

[Thanatos]

Anyone who prefers Final Fantasy VII, VIII, or X over I-VI, and IX doesn't know what he's talking about.

[Zodiac]

Anyone who prefers Final Fantasy VII, VIII, or X over I-VI, and IX doesn't know what he's talking about.

Oh man, that is oh so true!!!

[vizi]

Well VIII was really, really good but it wasn't as good as my SNES II and III.

However this is a pretty good review. Can't say I ever played this version. However if the end was confusing, it is always good to play the game again. You know the best places to level up and how to beat the bosses and can spend more time on the story rather than falling asleep the couch with the auto-battle option on.

[Zodiac]

Oregon Trail Deluxe

This might be a rather.... educational game, but it is fun nonetheless. The funny thing about this game is that it is actually considered abandonware so it's not against the law to download the game for free. Having said that, here's a link so you don't go a annoy me about where to find it. Click here for the Link. Also this game is ancient, no guarantees that you'll be able to play it. Hell, my sound card refuses to even play such low tech sounds.

Part 1: Boring Game Review Stuff
Anyways, onto the review. The game starts you off with naming yourself and 4 other people. It is probably better that you name them after people you hate since there is a possibility that they will die. You can choose between various professions which determine how much money you start off with and skills that help you along the trail. For example, Doctors are more likely to heal injuries while Carpenters are more likely to repair broken wagon parts and etc. It really doesn't matter what you choose however, since is doesn't make the trail any easier.

After you finish choosing your profession and naming your victims. It's time to go to town and buy supplies. (I would tell you what to buy, but I'm a reviewer not a guide.) After you finish buying supplies, it's time start the trail.

You can choose between six months to start the trail. Too early you risk late winter blizzards and too late you risk blizzards. You can also choose things like the size of rations and the pace at which you charge through the trail. I always leave it at default pace since any higher pace is suicide. There is hunting, which is fun and helpful when trying to replenish food supplies. Though it should be noted that can only carry back a set amount of meat.The trail is rather easy if you're good at managing things. Though random events like "you were bitten by a snake" will hinder and likely kill your team. So in essence it's up to sheer luck whether everyone in your party lives or dies.

When you get to the end, the game will show a nice picture and add up your score which depends on a crapload of variables.

Part 2: My Adventure
I picked Carpenter and my team which consists of Gambit, Big Red 1, Vizigothe, and Thanatos. When I got to town, I bought 50 bullet cartridges, 2 of each spare wagon part, 6 sets of clothes, 3 oxen, and 5 lbs. of food(That was a stupid mistake, as it wagon supposed to be 500).

Anyways I started the trail and about couple days later Thanatos starved to death.....oops? (That was when I noticed how much food had bought. ) After we buried Thanatos less then 100 miles from our starting point, I went hunting. I shot about 4 deer which gave my party enough food to make it to our first river crossing. The river was rather a rather shallow 3 foot 10 inches deep. I just forded the river and surprisingly..... nothing happened. Luck was on our side. After the river I decided hunt again just for the hell of it. I shot a bison and moved on with our journey. For once in our journey we weren't starving to death. That's when Gambit contracted dysentery. We decided to rest 4 days in the hopes he would get better, but it was no use. After we buried buried Gambit, we moved on with sorrow in our weighing heavily on our hearts.

We traveled far without incident. Until we ran out of water that is... and in a fit of delusion Vizigothe wandered off. We searched for him for 2 days. We found him but Big Red 1 was bitten by a snake in the process. He died shortly the next day. We buried him and moved on. With only two of us, we wondered how we would survive. We reluctantly pressed forward. We moved along the trail and all ws good. Though the fact that it was already September meant one thing.... winter was already upon us. It was not long until a blizzard swept through the area. We could do nothing but bunker down and wait it out. Though my the both of us were already weak from the long trail. It was not long until Vizigothe froze to death less than 50 miles from our destination. As fate would have it, the blizzard lifted it's icy veil the next day. It was a rather somber experience but I could nothing other than bury Vizigothe and press forward. It was all alone now... it was a short 2 days until I reached the last river crossing. I had to choose whether to travel along the river or Raft down the river. My supplies were low and I doubted I could walk any further so I decided to raft down the river. The river was a series of treacherous rapids. I was hard to be sure, but there was no other option. I set-off down the river, I knew if I could make it past this I would arrive to my new home. There was rock ahead of me... I apparently overestimated the distance between me and the rock. It was not long until my fragile raft hit the rock. I was thrown off and quickly drowned by the river...

THE END

Part 3: Conclusion
This game is rather short. My adventure lasted around an hour. But it's a educational game, I doubt a class period can really last for 6+ Hours. It's also a unique game in the sense that there is really no game like it. It should also be noted that this game is rather fun if you're not trying to win. Seriously, the game has a nasty habit of killing whenever the hell it wants. Then again that's the point of the game. To teach you that the Oregon Trail was a dangerous journey not to be taken lightly. This really is a game where point of it all really is the journey and not the destination. All in all, this is a game that will remain enjoyable for a long time. Give it a shot when you have the chance.

[The Big Red 1]

Vizigothe deserved to freeze. He caused me to get bit by a snake!!!!

[gambit]

Dysentry.. what a shite way too die.

Least I didn't starve right away

[vizi]

Vizigothe deserved to freeze. He caused me to get bit by a snake!!!!

Game was perfect! I would have wandered off in a delusional state if Thantos died 100 miles from the starting point from lack of food!!

Either way, fun review man! I enjoyed it!

[The Big Red 1]

Game was perfect! I would have wandered off in a delusional state if Thantos died 100 miles from the starting point from lack of food!!

Either way, fun review man! I enjoyed it!

I actually think we all died appropriately.

[vizi]

Yes we did all die very inglorious deaths

[gambit]

At least Zodiac got to go rafting down some crazy river. Probably a fun five minutes.

[vizi]

Not as cool as being an icicle!

[Zodiac]

At least Zodiac got to go rafting down some crazy river. Probably a fun five minutes.

It was more like... 3 minutes. Anyways, I'm just happy we all died manly deaths.

[TheTrueGreek]

that was a very sad story

was most likely what would have happened though, which is the sad thing

if i had to choose a death, hmm, starving after just leaving my home, or crashing into a large rock and dying shortly thereafter:hmmm::hmmm:

have to go with rafting

[gambit]

that was a very sad story

was most likely what would have happened though, which is the sad thing

if i had to choose a death, hmm, starving after just leaving my home, or crashing into a large rock and dying shortly thereafter:hmmm::hmmm:

have to go with rafting

What? No disentry?

[Zodiac]

Metal Slug(arcade version not the Neo Geo verison)

Okay this will be the first ever review of a game that I do not own. This is actually one of my uncles arcade machines. He has is it in one of his pool halls so I literally had to go across town and waste a crap-load of quarters to play it. Oh man, but it was so worth it!!!

Part 1: The Storyline!!!! (If counts as a story)
The storyline is really no more than an excuse to get you to fight around the world but I'll explain it anyway. General Morden is the leader of the "Rebellion" and he is one bad dude. He has already gained control of the world by the time you start the game because he stole your side's(Regular Army) technology and began mass producing Metal Slug Tanks before the Regular Army could. You take the role 1st Lieutenant Marco Rossi and your job is to blow the out everything you see and recapture or destroy all Metal Slug Tanks controlled by the "Rebellion". That's all there is to it. More of the story gets slapped on later in the series but that's it in terms of the first game.

Part 2: The Gameplay!!!!(Is ing AWESOME!!1!11!11!)
The is simple... a continual stream of enemies will try to take your ass out using any means necessary. Whether that means blowing you up, stabbing you or just plain shooting you in the face. This is also unique in that enemies don't possess the "Death Touch" and by that I mean the ability to touch you and cause Instant-Death. So you'll be free to run around everywhere and make a speedrun like this guy(Just so you know, this guy makes it look way too easy. This is afterall a game meant to rob you of all your quarters.)You'll also find that enemies do funny things if you look closely but those moments are usually ruined by the player as you blow them up or shoot them. Anyways, you always start off with a standard unlimited ammo pistol that you find in most games. You find weapons like flamethrowers and shotguns just laying around. You can also find other weapons hidden in random places(Like crates...), so it's to up to you to shoot everything around you. All this occurs while listening to a bumpin' soundtrack the game provides!!!(Bumpin'?)

Part 3: The Conclusion("Fin" in France)
The game is great mindless fun. There really isn't much else I can say!!! If you want to blow crap up while shooting everything in your path without getting in trouble. Then I suggest this game, you won't regret it but your wallet sure will(Goodbye $6.75... you were well spent )...

[vizi]

You spent $6.75? Hahaha nice! I recall playing this game a few times and getting rocked hardcore...reminds me how games are too easy nowadays...

[Zodiac]

You spent $6.75? Hahaha nice! I recall playing this game a few times and getting rocked hardcore...reminds me how games are too easy nowadays...

Yeah... I could just as easily played the one on GameTap. Then again I wanted the feel of the original when I wrote the review.