Well, well, well. Welcome to another edition of the publication where we strip ourselves of all of our journalistic integrity, put it in a box and prostitute it on the streets of Sydney for more pageviews!
I have an announcement, of sorts, to make. Firstly, I'll apologise for the delay on this Helios, as is appropriate. Secondly. This will be the last Helios I will be editing. I've enjoyed it immensely, as both a writer and editor, for the last year and a half. I had big shoes to fill, as an editor, and while I was nowhere near close to filling them, I had fun, and it was a great ride.
Thanks all the guys that turned in their articles on time. Those that got it in on time every issue get double the thanks. The others just get a single thank. Tardy tossers.
The new editor will be The Sundance Kid. Feel free to expect nothing to be out on time and an extremely low standard of journalism; that's exactly what the Helios is all about, anyway!
And thank you to everyone who read this publication over the last year and a half.
ANYWAY!
This issue, we have several new additions to the Helios this edition, including Andre Massena, with his review of Tropic Thunder, and Macky, covering the Thema Devia.
But up first is Freddie, back on the 'roids and back, packing an artificial punch with his Basement report!
... artificial ... basement ... computers ... steroids ... see what I did there?
Now we have Thanatos, taking a step, under great duress (he has the whip-marks to prove it), into the deep, dark bowels of the Political Mudpit.
Now it's the Fuzz, with THE ATHENAEVM PRETRONVS EXSPELLIARMVS
Here we have a new addition to the Helios team, with Macky covering the discussion in the TD for this issue. He has bathed in pig's blood, as is the customary ritual for those wishing to join is, and he's here. Play nice.
Now we have a small tangent, here. I was thinking, "Hmm ... what could spice up this spicy publication just a bit more?", and Andre Massena was the answer. Well ... his review of Tropic Thunder was the answer. So ... here it is.
See it, if you haven't! It's an awesome movie. Anyway, next we have Captain Blackadder, a fellow Australian, reporting on the Political Academy!
Now, we have the hippy-fied, mellowed out Pontifex. He was probably high when he wrote this.
Now, we have Thanatos with his second article of the day, The Arts ... does anyone even know this forum exists?
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Hello again! Thanatos here for The Arts section of TWC! Let’s get crackin’ right away.
Right off the bat, we have Pontifex telling everyone that it’s just plain unbearable to have to watch the shortened version of the Lord of the Rings movies after seeing the extended version!
Originally Posted by _Pontifex_
I'm watching Lord of the Rings right now on TNT, just the regular (probably shortened actually) version of it. Now, I usually watch the LOTR extended versions at my house, and I have to say, switching back to the regular version is unbearable! So much was lost! I had forgotten how much they cut out.
Any one else experienced this?
Pontifex’s sentiments were echoed by fellow members:
Originally Posted by Kiljan Arslan
I did when trying to watch the WB which was cut for TV. Man did it suck ass.
Originally Posted by Gambit
Dude I've been watching it all day on TNT too. It does suck.
I've been tempted to walk to my friends house just to get the extended versions. Too late now, already a bit into Return of the King.
Originally Posted by Maverick
Unless you have a wide-screen TV both versions suck, you know how it says "this movie has been formatted..." that means they use a "pan and scan" technique and that eliminates as much as half the image. It's makes a big ing difference, you are not seeing what the director and cinematographer intended.
Dead*Man*Wilson, however, made one of the funniest posts in the thread:
Originally Posted by Dead*Man*Wilson
I feel you Pontifex. Honestly though, I don't give the theatrical versions of LOTR the time of day. Once you go...um...extended...you never go back
André Masséna also spoke of unbearable things in the LOTR movies, but, in a different light:
Originally Posted by André Masséna
In the Two Towers, I almost cried when Eowyn sang.
She was that dreadfull.
Pontifex agreed, sadly:
Originally Posted by _Pontifex_
Admittedly that was bad...
It might have been bad, but not as another Arts thread that was dedicated to pure suckage, the aptly named The Most Horrible Dark Knight Scene.
People voiced a couple scenes from the movie:
Originally Posted by zznɟ ǝɥʇ
The worst scene was when Batman went to the rave and was dancing or fighting or whatever you call it
Fellow posters readily agreed:
Originally Posted by Gambit
It was when Batman went to the club to find the mob guy.
First off, they could've worked it up a bit. I dont remember what scene was before that but it had nothing to do with Batman going there and all of a sudden Batman jumps down and starts beating the out of people. I like surprises but not when theres no big surprise, that was just confusing.
Also none of the mobsters (well armed mobsters) decided shooting Batman was effective, so they charged him one by one.
Silly.
Originally Posted by VOP2288
I just saw the film tonight and loved it. Although I wouldn't pick a specific scene and say that it wasn't on par with anything else if I had to choose one then yes...it was the mobster night club one.
Originally Posted by Lord Rahl
The rave scene was bad as was the whole boat scene at the end. The whole movie was being edgy and then it turned into a predictable and uninteresting final scene with Batman and The Joker. All of the sudden Gotham was good...BORING!
Originally Posted by Cavalier
The rave scene was bad.. It was like.. "whow, didn't see that coming."
And horrible, as in sad was when Rachel died.
Maverick however, condemned the entire movie to the bargain bin aisle:
Originally Posted by Maverick
The Dark Knight is a bad film according to film critics and I think it's intentionally stupid, it's not cinema or anything, it's just another (bad) action flick.
Disgruntled Goat questioned Maverick’s statement, to which Maverick responded with his rebuttal:
Originally Posted by DisgruntledGoat
What film critics? The ones that are so far up their own ass they can't enjoy a good action flick?
Originally Posted by Maverick
Yeah, those critics... and the other critics.
Perhaps it's not the critics who have the problem, maybe you are so uncultured you can enjoy a bad action flick?
Others came to the Dark Knight’s call for defense:
Originally Posted by Rapax
The film critics that put TDK at 94% at Rotten Tomatoes?
Originally Posted by ajm317
I haven't seen a critic give TDK a bad review yet.
Maverick, however, wasn’t finished with his fight:
Originally Posted by Maverick
Yes, I was the red-eyed elitist in the back row who was psyched to see a good old shoot em up.
You ought to read this review by elitist Harvard Jew David Edelstein for another perspective. Long story short he got flooded with hate mail and this is part of his response:
"Why — apart from narcissistic injury — do I respond to the abuse? Because there has been a lot of chatter in the last few years that criticism is a dying profession, having been supplanted by the democratic voices of the Web. Not to get all Lee Siegel on you, but the Internet has a mob mentality that can overwhelm serious criticism. There is superb film writing in blogs and discussion groups — as good as anything I do. But there are also thousands of semi-literate tirades that actually reinforce the Hollywood status quo, that say: 'If you do not like The Dark Knight (or The Phantom Menace), you should be fired because you do not speak for the people.'"
God forbid a cultured, educated and experienced critic reviews a film with a more critical eye than you puerile fan-boys.
Rapax decided to argue as well:
Originally Posted by Rapax
Well, it is an interesting review, certainly very elitist.
However, it's still one of many and I don't think you can generalize all over 200 positive reviews that have been gathered down to "going with the flow" just because he likes to portray himself as standing against the establishment.
In any case it does not support the statement that "film critics" generally think it's bad, except when you wanna claim that only "real" film critics would judge TDK negatively, which would be leaning out of the window a little too far.
After a few more posts and debate, Maverick finished by stating:
Originally Posted by Maverick
Aristotle (huge elitist) for one did not believe "it's all relative" and neither do I, good art is good, bad art is bad and The Dark Knight is a film, deal with it.
Anyways this has been fun but I'm done, I just want to forget this movie.
Whether you liked the movie or not, make your voice heard! The thread is still on-going, so head on over and let others know what you think!
So what books would you like to see made into films?
Can cover any ground, any subject.
My current list is as follows:
1. The Religion by Tim Willocks - about the Siege of Malta in 1565, an awesome book that would make an awesome film.
2. A Booke of Days - The journal of a Minor Lord of the First Crusade. Interesting and moving with a tragic ending, it could make a very good film indeed (Provided that NO Orlando involvement could be guaranteed.
3. Earth by David Brin - Singularities eating the Earth's core, environmental issues, philosophy and a staggering vision of 2038. However, after The POstman debacle David may have been scared off for life.
4. Spares by Michael Marshall Smith - just a great sad and funny novel about people grown as spare parts and the guy who rescues them. Brilliant.
5. The Foundation Trilogy - this might already be being attempted but could be brilliant.
So, any more ideas out there?
Others named their own nominations:
Originally Posted by Broken Pope
The Algebraist. The world has not seen a good space-opera for 20 years.
Or any of The Culture novels by the same author (Iain M. Banks). Intelligently handled, they could make a lot of people re-appraise their perception of sci-fi.
I would love to see The God Delusion made into a docu-film - if only for the carnage that would accompany its release in Bible-belt America.
Originally Posted by Noble Savage
Mort by Terry Pratchett
The Fog by James Herbert (not the John Carpenter version)
Domain by James Herbert
Deathtrap Dungeon by Ian Livingstone
Dad's Alive by Dave Hill
Originally Posted by zznɟ ǝɥʇ
His Dark Materials triolgy by Phillip Pullman, except in a way so that it doesn't suck.
Sabriel, Lirael, and Abhorsen by Garth Nix.--fantasy that doesn't suck--zombies, sarcastic cats, overall a great series of books
Archangel by some guy.--Stalin had a son? heck yes
Originally Posted by Gambit
Princes of Amber. No other fantasy novel has kept me more hooked. Well it was a collection of books actually..
A Miracle of Rare Design. Excellent book, with interesting worlds and settings. Also dealings of ethics and religion with alien species, along with a man losing his humanity.
Enders Game. If you've read it you know why. Simply a great book, and I hear there may have been one in the works already *runs off to imdb*
Originally Posted by Captain Arrrgh!
Lucifer's Hammer.
But done true to the book. No bruckheimer rubbish.
Originally Posted by Łukomski
This is my list (not in any order):
1. Jan Grzędowicz - "Master of the Ice Garden"
2. Andrzej Sapkowski - "Narrenturm" and other parts of the trilogy
3. Andrzej Sapkowski - Witcher Saga (though it was filmed, the films weren't good and were very much below the level of the books)
4. Friedrich Nietzsche - "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" This would be crazy one but why not?
5. Orson Scott Card - "Ender's Game"
6. Terry Pratchet - All his books Disc World FTW
7. J.R.R. Tolkien - "Silmarillion"
8. Janusz Zajdel - Any of his book
9. Also very long list of other authors and books...
In the end, it seemed like the lists generally included Tolkien’s “Silmarillion,” as well as Orson Scott Card’s “Ender’s Game.” Here’s hoping for the movie releases for both to be good!
Thanatos out, until next Helios!
Next up we have a wizard. A wise, wise wizard. Rez. Doing wizardly things.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Greetings history lovers! Firstly I must apologise for missing the last issue as I was occupied in a land full of history. Thats right folks I've been in Egypt but I'm back with many a tale for those willing to listen to a drunk old sailor harp on about the mysterious Nile. Well to be honest I haven't had a drink in 5 days or so, i'm only 21 and i hate the sea. But I was on the Nile!
Either way lets get to the business end of the article!
attilavolciak07 has created quite the stir in the VV this issue by asking a burning question. What was the most defining moment of the middle ages?
What would you say were the most defining moments of the Middle Ages, starting right after the fall of the Roman Empire to the beginning of the 15th Century.
I would choose
1. The Crusades
2. Hundred Years War
3. The Papal States altogether
4. Reconquista
and 5. The Islamic Empire
What do you think?
By the Papal States chose, I mean Catholic religion altogether.
However the real humour of the matter is derived from the fury this question has inspired and the resulting thread rivalry! Our very own Thiudareiks Gunthigg has deemed the entire thread impossible to salvage and created the Ying to attilavolciak07's Yang!
Since another, similar recent poll only included wars and fanboy stuff and ignored the really significant things that happened in the Middle Ages, here's another try. Which of the following Medieval elements, cultural movements or innovations had the most impact on history?:
1. The Empire/Papacy Disputes
2. The Twelfth Century Renaissance and the revival of ancient learning
3. The widespread harnessing of mechanical power through water and wind mills
4. The rise of communal governments and parliaments
5. The birth of the universities
6. Technical innovations like eye-glasses, mechanical clocks and the printing press
7. Long distance trade, exploration and diplomacy with China and the Far East
8. The Black Death pandemic of 1347-51
9. "Warz and Crusaders and, like, hitting people and stuff dOOd!!! Thatz cool!"
9. Other (please specify)
Clearly only one thread can master this essential question. Two have entered the VV! Only one shall leave! Or... Um... Only one will remain on the front page for an unspecified amount of time longer than the other previously mentioned thread!
if you want to aid your chosen thread then make sure yours has the better debate. or at least the most drama....
As for me I'm just going to incite as many members to join me in voting for option 9. because without it we never would have got "Kingdom of Heaven" (director's cut of course).
Secondly we come to an old favourite. Or an old relative that refuses to die and just keeps on getting more and more senile.
Brought to us by Zap Brannigan, my personal choice concerning the thread's question, we have another great set of intellectual clashes. The first page features great essays such as
Originally Posted by davide.cool
Hannibal's the greatest
and
Originally Posted by Maurice Tiberius
Suvorov.
However it culminates in the wise words of St Naffatun who explains in all seriousness that
Originally Posted by St Naffatun
Sun Tzu invented fighting and he perfected it so no man could best him in the ring of honour. Then he took two of every animal and herded them on to a boat, then he beat the crap out of every one of them.
I change my answer to Sun Tzu.
I don't expect much else can be added to the debate but if you feel brave enough to try I'll be eager to see what new research the thread produces
Finally, a relative newcomer, or maybe just a lurker, thecobra007 wants to set the record straight.
Apparently we owe more to Islamic science than we previously thought!
To the best of my knowledge the Quran wasn't actually a scientific manual so I'm finding it hard to see why all this science should be classed as Islamic instead of middle eastern or Spanish. But hey, the lines always get blurred when religion enters the fray right?
Thecobra had put forward quite an OP that looked like it took him a good long time to research and write up. I was however dismayed to find out that it's a copy paste job. I'm certain all that colouring and bolding took a fair amount of time but I'm not sure it's as impressive.
Ringneck has stepped in to give some sound advice on the thread's topic
Someone can copy-paste, I see: http://www.cyberistan.org/islamic/sciencehistory.htm, the original source being Ajram, whose bibliography tends to put him in the apologist camp that tries to link religion and science directly to another. While I do not think religion was detrimental to scientific and technical development, neither do I think that it is suitablet to sobriquet anything "Islamic" or "Christian" or "Buddhist" science...
Threads like this is always difficult. Some of the points in the list are slight distortions and a few are erronous; Ajram is a medical doctor, not an historian, after all, and steps in soem puddles. Many are quite correct - but the "what is taught" listings is hardly what has been taught in schools and universitites for the last 20-30 years. It is always a good idea to be critical.
I don't want to launch into any rebuttal of minor points because it is largerly fruitless and, after all, I'm probably the only one on these forums that own a copy (i.e. a facsimile, not an actual copy), mind you) of A-Jazari's Book of Ingenious Mechanical Devices (and several other high medieval mechanical texts, for that matter) - he'll always have a special place in my heart for being the first person in the Europe-mediterranean area to mention sand casting.
It is also rather important to avoid monocausalities - independent invention with eventual worldwide consequences later doesn't take the "glory" from earlier invention, but it illustrates that application of technique is often more imporant to history than individual brilliance. In western history, the paddle-wheel ship appears during roman times, in the middle ages, the early modern period etc - but it is not until the idea is combined with the steam engine that it has any real impact on the world as large.
But who wants to leave it at that? Come on down and debate every tiny detail. If you don't there might be someone on the internet who's wrong!
Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Rez and that was the VV.
So we've come to the now heavily-populated Editorial section of today's issue. We have Elrond, tBP, Lord Rahl and Sundance lined up for today's issue.
First up is tBP. To say that this article is a little picture heavy is like saying that Hitler may not have been all that fond of Jewish people. Don't ever try saying that, by the way. It's quite the faux pas.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Queer Concern
Pride and Party
A year ago Ozymandias (or whatever he currently calls himself) and myself attended Manchester Pride 07 and did a special edition report for this very magazine. One year on, I return to the greatest and most spectacular of Britain’s pride festivals to report on Manchester Pride 08.
Last year, pride was about having fun. I stayed with Ozy’s family in Manchester, and we got the bus into town to spend time at the best features and events of pride. This year was all about the party, both of the drinking type and the politics type. My partner Gareth and I rented a room in Manchester’s Student Village, barely 5 minutes walk from the gay village and spent 4 days enjoying all the fun of the fayre.
We were also there as part of an organisation called LGBTory. For those who don’t know and can’t guess, LGBTory is the official gay organisation of the British Conservative Party. One of our principal aims is to ensure the Conservative’s have representation at all the pride festivals across the country. It was founded at Edinburgh Pride 07 by 3 individuals and now has party support and a nationwide membership base. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Manchester’s Conservative Association has a great many gay members including some in very senior positions, so there was a great deal of local support for our campaign.
As well as party politics, pride is also about having a fabulous time and a great party as only gay people can. The village is somewhat self contained anyway, with its own gay bars, clubs, pubs, hotels, food outlets, saunas, sex shops etc right in the middle of Manchester (and right across the street from Manchester Crown Court, which I’ve always wondered about…). For pride, the village is closed off except to ticket holders, but it allows for an alcohol and entertainment licence to be granted to the entire village. In other words, you can buy a drink in one bar, and then go wander round the village carrying your drink. Two sound stages are set up in a car park and the Village Gardens and Manchester Pride always attracts some big name acts with intervening sets provided by DJs from Gaydio and Gaydar Radio. The party starts at 12 noon on Friday and its quite possible to keep on going right the way through to the close at 11pm on Monday. Most events on Friday Saturday and Sunday nights last all night, so its quite possible to party on through until dawn, and then go find somewhere serving an early breakfast!
Unfortunately, not being as young as I used to be, staying up all night drinking 3 nights in a row with no sleep would place quite a burden on me, and especially on my wallet, hence the need for the rented flat. Besides, if I was going to be representing my party, I wanted to be awake to do it!
Friday night was a chance to meet new people from LGBTory and then we spent the night in some of our favourite clubs and bars around the village, not to mention stopping by the Main Stage to witness Boy George try his hand at DJing. Saturday was the big day though. The Pride parade was as fabulous as ever but the evening was just one massive party, centred around the main stage where the glorious chart topping Sophie Ellis-Bexter was headlining in her first appearance at Pride. Pictures of the parade are at the end of the article, alas too busy enjoying myself (drinking) to think to photograph Sophie.
Sunday was party day for us. It was the day we were spending on the Tories stand at the Lifestyle Expo and quite a day it was. As a party, we don’t have a good history of involvement in the gay community. Our party’s reputation as the party of hate has in past decades been well deserved, and lets make no mistake, we still have many monsters hiding in the house of Lords. But the modern Conservative party is not the same as the party of 10, or even 20 years ago. As I tried to explain to one labour supporting old lesbian the younger generations of the party, the Conservative Future movement, as well as many of our older members don’t give a damn about sexuality, nor does our party hierarchy. Cameron talks about family and family values, and when he does so, he expressly means that to include gay families. The first MP to enter into a civil partnership whilst in office is a Tory, and a Tory front bencher at that. When the pink paper published its list of the 50 most powerful LGBT people, the Tory party had 12 party members on the list, along with many more right wing lobbyists and journalists who inevitably are party supporters if not activists and members. Many people at pride were surprised to even see a Tory presence there, let alone a stand crewed by a wealth of young Tory talent, as opposed to Labour’s presence at pride, who barely managed to have anyone at their stand half the time, and the Lib Dems, who weren’t represented at all.
All in all, it was a highly successful event for the party. We even managed to sign up several new members to the party, which is always good news! But better yet was the message that our mere presence was conveying. That the party isn’t just a bunch of gay hating old men in a posh club, but that its also made up of young people just like the rest of you.
Following our time at the Expo, we spent the evening together in Sackville Gardens, where an orchestra was playing a selection of entertaining music, from film scores and other notable easily familiar pieces, finishing off with a proms at pride style event, and all the traditional music you might find at the Last Night of the Proms. It was quite something to be sitting around in this quiet corner of Manchester listening to an orchestra play and hundreds of gay people all singing too Rule Britannia and Land of Hope and Glory! My kind of night.
Monday though, was the night we’d really been waiting for. By Monday, we’d pretty much done and seen everything that could be done at pride, other than the acts on stage we were waiting for, so we caught the Metro out to Salford Quays and spent the morning going round the Imperial War Museum there. Of especial interest was the Military Pride exhibition they had on about the history of LGBT people in the military, the long battle to allow gay people to openly serve, and the numbers currently doing so. Well worth a visit, and of course, the Imperial War Museum is worth a trip all by itself.
Heading back in the afternoon, we set up camp by the main stage ready for an afternoon of top pop acts including Madonna, Cher, Sally Jaxx but most importantly for us, Alphabeat. Anyone who hasn’t heard of this Danish sensation, get on to Youtube and check them out (search Alphabeat – Fascination). They are absolutely fantastic and the real highlight of our time at pride. Their time on stage was shorter than some other acts, but the sheer constant unadulterated energy of their performance was utterly breathtaking. If you ever get a chance to see this group live, I strongly urge you to grab it with both hands.
Alas, work calls us all, and rather than stay for the closing ceremony, we needed to catch a train back to Chester so we could catch some sleep ready for another week.
But even before the train had left Oxford Road Station we were already planning our trip for next year. I’ve been to several of the better and bigger pride festivals over the years, and Manchester remains my favourite and IMO is by far the best. Even without pride, Manchester’s gay village is the Lothlorien of gay culture in the UK, and with pride to boot, there’s no better party on earth! Gay or straight alike, there’s something for everyone at pride, and you can also party confident in the knowledge that some of the money you’ve spent has gone to support the work of HIV charity’s as well.
Its possible to get an impression of pride that its just a weekend long party, which it is. Its possible to get an impression that its all about gay people flinging their sexuality in your face, which its not. I only attended the Big Weekend of Manchester Pride. The festival actually started a week before i turned up, but we just couldn't get the time off work. There's so much that goes on that I couldn't get to, and its no just drinking. There's gay cinema screenings, art exhibitions, Pride Games (mini Olympics) there's special events for gay youth, for trans people, HIV people. There's speeches, lectures, talks, fundraisers. There's all kinds of stuff going on and if I have to describe it, all I can say is that its a celebration of Gay Culture. I know some gay members here will disagree that such a thing even exists, but i think pride is a perfect example that it does. That you don't live the gay lifestyle 100% of your time doesn't mean that we don't have our own culture and cultural elements, our own music, fashion, cinema, art, sport, even language to a certain extent. Pride is a celebration of that. And yes, its sexy, and yes you have men and women of all ages shapes sizes colours and oritentations flaunting themselves. But there's no nudity. No laws are broken. Its nothing you can't take your children too, indeed, I saw many families around the Village. Its a fantastic celebration that's bright colourful and fabulous as the photos below will show. And if there's too many men wearing skimpy clothes and furry boots, so what? The gay community revels in beauty, and there's incredible beauty in the human body. We don't tell you how to dress... (we only try and advise!).
So now here come the photos, and if you think this is too much, believe me this is just a sample, I took hundreds!
Leading the parade once again, Gay Police Officers from Cumbria, Lancashire and Cheshire Constabularies along with Merseyside Police and Greater Manchester Police
Manchester Metropolitan University
Manchester Evening News
Oz Promotions
LGBT Parents Group
North West Ambulance Service
The Lesbian and Gay Foundation
Her Majesty’s Gay Ship Cruz (Cruz 101 a Nightclub in the village)
Essential (another big club)
Royal Bank of Scotland
Umm… Token representative of Europride…
Out in the City
Age Concern
Manchester County Fire Service
Museum of Science and Industry
HMS Poptastic
Environment Agency
George Harrison Trust
Village Spartans (Manchester’s Gay Rugby Team)
Bi-phoria
Outdoor Lads
Amy Winehouse (???)
Barclays Bank
University of Salford
Amnesty International
Bolton LGBT Youth
HM Prison Service
Body Positive
Via
Royal College of Nursing
Quakers
LGBT Youth Manchester
NHS
Salford Ladies United Temperance Society (S.L.U.T.S)
Gareth at the Imperial War Museum
Madonna
Sally Jaxx
Alphabeat
LGBT Labour – Lifestyle Expo Stall – Saturday lunchtime
LGBT Labour – Sunday 1pm
LGBT Labour following a pigeon attack – Sunday Evening
LGBTory
and finally - really you gotta check them out!
This is Aden Lucas, reporting for the Helios from the heart of Manchester’s Gay Village. Till next time folks!
Next up is Lord Rahl, sharing his thoughts on politics and the world.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
So I've been watching the Democratic and Republican conventions over the last few days, as I am sure many others of you have as well. The Democratic convention looked really nice and snazzy while the Republican's...didn't so much, supposedly out of respect of Hurricane Gustav (oh shame of Katrina!). I really can't watch any speech now and at the same time take them seriously. There are some people out there that, for some odd reason, believe that speeches actually matter and whatever is said is completely relevant. Well, if you believe that then you're mistaken. Speeches are meant for one thing: effecting you emotionally. So, if you follow your political heart from your emotions then dramatic speeches should be for you! But I know that most people here, at least those I know, that are members of TWC are smart enough to not choose our political leaders by how much they can reach us emotionally. It may help you in deciding whether they are a good speaker or not but being a good speaker gives no guarantees to a successful presidency. Big speeches mean little in terms of practicality. Some of us know of elder Bush's, "Read my lips", statement.
I'm afraid that America is too caught up in the giant that is the mass media. Instead of American citizens, and other educated peoples of this Earth, going out and doing their own investigative research on candidates and their policies, they will watch the major news networks and read the sensationalist blogs on, as younger Bush so eloquently put it, "the Internets". So Kieth Olbermann says this and FOX News says that...who cares? It is a rarity that anyone in the mass media makes an intelligent and unbiased opinion on politics. The mass media has turned politics into a great medium of entertainment and it seems like too many people, sadly, are being entertained by it. You may not agree with what someone says in the mass media about insert political subject but if you start using what the mass media uses as its "reporting" to discuss politics with your friends then I believe you're being led astray to basically talk about garbage.
With mass media comes the masses, or as the ancient greeks called it, the demos. It is my belief that the majority of any political party or affiliation is too often given a back seat to the loud and sensational minorities within the majorities. Take conservative Republicans for example. They want small government, a strong military, and low taxes. While basically all Republicans strive for those political realities, the loud and sensational minority "Republicans" are constantly in the news more than anything else. These include those who: 1) Are anti-abortion/anti-choice/whatever you call it and 2) Anti-gay marriage. Now, while some would say that these issues are very relevant, to the vast majority of Americans they are not. I went to a bar in downtown Fort Worth, TX a few months ago and while my friends and I were walking to the bar there was a band of people with huge pictures of aborted fetuses hanging around their necks. Is this what people have chosen to focus their energy to? The problem is that the sort of people that parade disgusting images around in full view of the public are what drive politics in America. Even though most people, the majority, don't believe in acting the way that the loud and sensational minority do, once the minority gets its cause splashed across every mass media medium the majority cannot but help to takes sides on the issue.
So here are three ideas I hope I've planed in readers' minds. I don't care if you don't agree with me, at least I got you thinking about politics from, hopefully, a different perspective. Until next time,
PS, I should make another skin sometime soon...
Now is an Editorial virgin, but experienced Helios reporter, Elrond, talking about the importance of history.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I have only ever done interviews for the Helios and for the big Helios 30 edition I decided was going to interview imb39 – the owner of TWC, it was actually quiet a good idea. I interviewed him last year and it was a success, he Patronised me (nominated me for TWC citizenship) a couple of years ago and I have spoken to him on and off since then so I was sure that he would agree to the interview. There was however one massive flaw in this plan – I hadn’t realised that he went on holiday on August 18th and hasn’t got back yet. There wasn’t time to interview a different person so I decided I must do something else, I considered doing one of the forum update article things that people write about the mud pit or basement etc, then I realised that the only areas of TWC that I could be bothered writing about I am to heavily involved in so the article would reek of bias. This left me with an editorial – I thought if tbp and lord rahl can write about stuff every issue then why can’t I, I mean how hard can it be?
Some of you might know that I am starting a History Degree this month, while Curia regulars might react to this by hoping that a large dose of alcohol, girls and partying might make me less up tight and less strict and hard-line in the Curia, it’s an important event for me (although I hope they are right because I don’t like people thinking that the stick up my arse has got a stick up its arse). Anyway I chose History because its been my favourite subject since I was 9 and because I don’t have to do much work in order to get good grades (there was one time I decided to do History homework drunk and…), anyway what really pisses me off is the common reactions when you tell someone your going to study History. There are two main responses, the first is something along the lines of ‘that sounds interesting’ and then they change the topic because history bores them, the 2nd common response really pisses me off ‘Studying history is only useful for teaching’.
The first response annoys me allot simply because in allot cases those who say history is boring have never paid any attention in history lessons in school or read any books or watched any history documentaries. It’s a case of it has a nerdy reputation so it must be boring. I don’t mean to sound stuck up but generally if your intelligent enough to fully understand what your reading then its fairly interesting even if its not as enjoyable as other stuff. A couple of my friends are starting science degrees and although I would never have done a science degree I enjoyed it when studied it until GCSE level and can understand that they enjoy their subjects as much as I enjoy History. For that reason I would never say Physics is boring because it is relative to each person – its one thing saying that you found a particular subject boring its another thing to say it is boring. (Now you can see why Curia regulars think I have a stick up my arse).
The response that History is only useful for teaching is absolute rubbish because history is above all else an analytical subject – you look at various sources of evidence and you come to an informed conclusion on an issue. This makes it highly useful to a wide range of employers because the same skills that are needed to write about why the Roman Empire fell are also useful when needing to use a wide range of sources to make informed conclusions about completely different topics e.g. why last years sales weren’t as high as they should have been. All in all a History degree is good for most careers that don’t have their own degree. Only 37% of History students at the University I have chosen to go either do post graduate study or become a teacher. That’s enough about History as a degree.
There is a common phrase which is something along the lines of ‘those who fail to learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them’ and I believe it true. I believe that there are patterns that occur throughout history and that people often fail to see that they are occurring again because they would rather believe that they are not happening again. History has patterns and it can be foolish to ignore them – the Mongols almost crushed medieval Europe, the barbarian tribes destroyed the Western Roman Empire, the Gauls burnt Rome and the Hyksos conquered Ancient Egypt in the 16th Century BC. There are other patterns – one of which is that a defeated country given time and enough resources will try to rebuild its power.
Perhaps one of the more controversial but most relevant examples of this is the Russian Governments current foreign policy. A few people have said that it echoes Germany's expansion policy in the late 1930s and I agree with them. There are several worrying similarities – Germany felt humiliated after its defeat in World War 1 and wanted to regain some national pride whilst Russia has been humiliated constantly since the end of the cold war and wants to assert itself again. Germany used the excuse that it was protecting its citizens in order to invade the Sudetenland and Austria while Russia has used the same excuse to invade South Ossetia and Abkhazia. The existence of nuclear weapons and NATOs overwhelming military power make it almost certain that history will not repeat itself but other events could be.
I also think History is important because it shows you that you are more fortunate than most of the people throughout history – I was born to wealthy middle class parents in the UK and have had a good education and will continue to do so, I haven’t worked particularly hard but I haven’t really needed to. I am sure allot of people are in a similar situation – being born into a position of relative privilege. This is in stark contrast to almost everyone who has lived before us – before the rise of the middle class most people throughout the world lived in poverty and have done for the whole of history.
I find History an incredible useful and enjoyable subject which helps me to see the world in a different way and I think there are many people who agree with me. I am not recommending that people go out and buy all six volumes of Edward Gibbon’s decline and fall of the roman empire or something similar because the great works of History are bloody hard to read but there are plenty of shorter easier to read books out there – Adrain Goldsworthy’s ‘The Punic Wars’ is a good example. History may be a bit nerdy but it can be really enjoyable and if you haven’t bothered to read most of the editorial then remember that.
Elrond
Finally, we have the tangential, stream-of-consciousness-type monstrosity of textual brilliance, by Sundance. It needs no other introduction.
Yes, somehow, I have secured a permanent position on the Helios again despite leaving my Arts posting to the fantasmical Chi'ite Thanatos, and have signed an open-ended contract to do editorials after last week's travesty. Are you sitting comfortably, children? No? WELL FIND A CUSHION THEN. NO, I DON'T CARE IF HE'S SITTING ON IT. WELL, SHOVE HIM OFF. DON'T GIVE ME THAT ****, HE'S NOT THAT HEAVY. OK, FINE, DON'T LISTEN.
...ok. Is everyone else comfy? Ahh, I honestly couldn't care less. Roll film.
This week's initial topic is Duffy, the welsh new-age jazz singer or whatever she's classified as. Right...Amy Winehouse is kinda quirky and odd, and has some decent songs in between the crap. Gabriella Cilmi is stunning and her songs are catchy. Duffy sucks ass. Her voice is like grating a cat and her face looks permanently sulky; I mean, hell, even her up-tempo song 'Mercy' sounded like she was having a go at someone. Plus, the chorus was rubbish. Rhyming 'Mercy' with 'Me' is the laziest thing since I started writing these rambling, psychotic pieces.
However, I'm going to move swiftly onto the subject of manly drinks, or more specifically, manly cocktails. What consitutes a manly cocktail or drink? If I'm not in the mood for a beer, I'll happily sup a SoCo, Lime and Lemonade, and no one judges me for it. I have a Mojito, however, and I'll be mocked for weeks. Why do we feel the need to prove our masculinity through the hazy and difficult-to-understand method of what we drink? If I drink paint stripper I'm going to be called an idiot, but my masculinity should in effect go through the roof. As a matter of fact I have once ingested a certain industrial liquid that didn't kill me but I'm pretty sure I wasn't oozing cool afterwards (I very rarely ooze as a personal rule). The same sort of thing happened at work (I work in restaurant bar). A guy came up to me from his table, all sly and shifty, having obviously escaped on a toilet excuse or similar. He then took a deep breath, summoned his last vestige of courage and lent over and whispered, "...can I have a blue WKD, please mate?" in his deepest, manliest voice. I took no pleasure in informing him we did, in fact, not sell blue WKD and that his valour had been entirely misplaced. Defeated and shaken he slunk back to his table where I imagine he tried to drown himself in his Minestrone.
Another area of manliness is muscle...or is it? I frequently see attractive women with men who have the looks (and personality) of a rake and with hair to match the prong end. Is this what we should strive to achieve -- flesh so sparse that you become airborne in strong winds? On the other hand, however, I got a 'Maximuscle' flyer with my magazine this month, detailing how I (yes, I, folks) could add 4lbs of muscle in 8 weeks. It then went on to promote it's muscle-enhancing products, such as protein shakes, protein bars, protein fruit and vegetables and I can imagine anything else related to that apparently Godlike mineral -- along with gamma rays, of course, though known side effects are going green, huge and ****-off angry.
I don't actually trust half of these healthy or performance-enhacing foods. I mean, it was years before I tried RedBull, purely because I reckoned it would turn me into a blue blur like sonic while actively destroying my stomach from the inside out. Several Maximuscle products were so luminous I'm sure they were harvested from the sun itself, and have no doubts a single glass of 'Creatamax Extreme' (or as I like to call it 'Lurid Orange Substance 3000') could provide light, heat and a cure to AIDS for an entire African village, unless it actually transmits HIV, which I wouldn't put past Maximuscle, their emblem being a sort of circular saw whiel retaining the colours of the Nazi Swastika. The man on the front of the booklet looks like he's about to gut me and eat my remains while the black guy behind him has the sort of expression that screams "I'm trapped! Just call for help! Anyone!" I imagine he's no longer with us.
But lo! and the booklet slides gracefully off the pile of clutter that is my desk thanks to the laws of sudden-gravity-for-no-reason-at-all, revealing beneath the October issue of FHM UK. It's no written law but men's magazines are for some reason far worse than women's magazines, and there is a secret order of acceptability. Magazines like Nuts, Zoo, and Playboy are purely smut and even being seen in their vicinity means that any women in a 5-mile radius will suddenly stop talking to you and spitting as you walk by. FHM, however, is roughly equatable with a woman buying a Cosmo, except there's fewer surveys and more blowing stuff up. It means when I buy it in the local newsagents the girl on the front desk I went to school with only mildly scorns me with her gaze and lets me off with a sort of mild neglect. Ecstatic, I leave the shop, having somehow saved face, to realise I've forgotten the binders I went in for. To escape embarrassment, and like any red-blooded Englishman, I trek across town to a different shop where I can buy them without the shame. Oh, the shame.
Another thing they feature in this particular magazine is men's fashion -- which, while I enjoy perusing, is far out of my price range. Nevertheless, it amuses me that when it is fashionable in Designer shops, no one but the social elite of earth know about it, so even if you ordain to spend your entire savings on that awesome Paul Smith coat that makes you look like Doctor Who, your friends will all still think you look like a ****. They then reach the High Street, though, and with affordability everyone suddenly thinks they're cool and buys them, leaving you standing in your hugely expensive yet identical coat and feeling bitter inside.
And seeing as this is an article very much for you, the readers, I'm going to be taking suggestions for next issue's rant. Anything you feel I should talk about, drop a post in this thread or PM me.
See you cats on the flip flop later
~ El Sundancio
And that's it for today, and for me. It has been a pleasure working with and for you all. Enjoy Sundance.
Last edited by Scorch; September 13, 2008 at 05:06 AM.
Patronized by Ozymandias, Patron of Artorius Maximus, Scar Face, Ibn Rushd and Thanatos.
The University of Sydney | Bachelor of Arts III (Majoring in Ancient History and Italian Studies)
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and
billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. - Mark Twain
Don't fret too much, though, folks and folkesses. Scorch may be returning after his current reason for absence has ended to become a new position, which I call "The Helios Centurion", where he grumbles and moans about things that were better in his day. Stay tuned.
And Paul, I heard that I do plenty of work! Kinda....