Love Woes II

[Exarch]

my g/f and i broke up qutie cordially about a month and a half ago, and i was sort of ok with it. heartbroken but dealing with it ok.
we broke up becuz she wanted a commitment and i couldnt give it to her at the time, seeing as how i'm travelling for bizness/work/education in a coupla months.

and we were still friends. still friendly towards one another and still as close as we were for the last 3 yrs we were together.
then i find out another bloke's after her and how shall i say it, 'courting' her.
my ex-g/f wants to settle down with a family and kids etc so she's a bit conflicted about it. it was, after all only 1 and a half months since we last broke up.

as for me, i'm overcome with a jealousy i never knew i had. i torture myself and give myself no peace of mind over what she and this other man are doing.
talking, caressing each other, Aarggh. it's all getting a bit too much.

i feel really angry and want to break things but i try not to criticize her because on some level i still love her, and am now trying my hardest to detach myself so the heartache and pain will just go away.
and i'm peeved at myself, at life and a part of me wants to lash out at everyone.

i've done the whole gettin drunk with friends thing. didnt help much.
and getting a rebound g/f would, i feel, cheapen what my ex g/f and i once had.

[chriscase]

Sounds to me like you made the overthinking mistake. You have orchestrated a very clinical, intellectualized breakup, and now the reality has caught up to you after the fact. It's a lot worse than the hyper-emotional, turbulent breakup, because you have spent so much time and effort in your head about it, it's hard to figure out what's really happening on an emotional level until it's too late.

In my experience, it's worth getting very honest with yourself about what you have done here, and make every attempt to put your heart on your sleeve and be completely faithful to your genuine feelings.

A few possibilities:
1) You really wanted her to wait for you. You were "testing" her, and it turns out the "test" was a big mistake. (They usually are.)
2) You want out of the relationship, but you aren't willing to just come out and say it, so you have concocted this "I'm too busy" excuse as a way to get yourself... "Single again, baby!" But now it turns out you had some emotional attachments that you didn't count on.
3) I dunno... Probably lots of other possibilities.

Whatever it really is, it's worth being true to it, because it really sucks to look back and realize that you didn't represent yourself faithfully. If you don't do it, no one will.

[Exarch]

Sounds to me like you made the overthinking mistake. You have orchestrated a very clinical, intellectualized breakup, and now the reality has caught up to you after the fact. It's a lot worse than the hyper-emotional, turbulent breakup, because you have spent so much time and effort in your head about it, it's hard to figure out what's really happening on an emotional level until it's too late.

In my experience, it's worth getting very honest with yourself about what you have done here, and make every attempt to put your heart on your sleeve and be completely faithful to your genuine feelings.

A few possibilities:
1) You really wanted her to wait for you. You were "testing" her, and it turns out the "test" was a big mistake. (They usually are.)
2) You want out of the relationship, but you aren't willing to just come out and say it, so you have concocted this "I'm too busy" excuse as a way to get yourself... "Single again, baby!" But now it turns out you had some emotional attachments that you didn't count on.
3) I dunno... Probably lots of other possibilities.

Whatever it really is, it's worth being true to it, because it really sucks to look back and realize that you didn't represent yourself faithfully. If you don't do it, no one will.

yeh, the fiery argumentative breakups are somehow easier cuz u can detach urself much more easily.
in my case, it was a fusion of all 3...

should i just get a girl, any girl and just pash her in front of my ex?

[hellheaven1987]

Well, since you are the one what cause the break-up, I don't think your girlfriend is wrong to find any new boyfriend immediately...

[Tankbuster]

Breaking up in a friendly way still beats the "never-see-her-again" break-up's in my opinion.
Of course you're a bit jealous, of course you still care for her. I think about my ex quite a lot too, but I guess that's normal.
But I'm sure you'll get over it, and then you still have a good friend!
The hardest part is getting over the jealousy though. That could take some weeks.

But I mean, what else can you do?

[chriscase]

yeh, the fiery argumentative breakups are somehow easier cuz u can detach urself much more easily.
in my case, it was a fusion of all 3...

should i just get a girl, any girl and just pash her in front of my ex?

The only thing you are definitely saying is that you are jealous. What's that really about? Is it that you want her back? Or just that you don't want her to be with anyone else? If you really want her back and have changed your mind about the brealup, it's worth letting her know. If you still want to break up and be single, but you also want her to be faithful to you, you should take a hard look at yourself, but I wouldn't bother communicating that to her.

Don't try to make her jealous. It will almost certainly backfire.

[LoZz]

my g/f and i broke up qutie cordially about a month and a half ago, and i was sort of ok with it. heartbroken but dealing with it ok.
we broke up becuz she wanted a commitment and i couldnt give it to her at the time, seeing as how i'm travelling for bizness/work/education in a coupla months.

and we were still friends. still friendly towards one another and still as close as we were for the last 3 yrs we were together.
then i find out another bloke's after her and how shall i say it, 'courting' her.
my ex-g/f wants to settle down with a family and kids etc so she's a bit conflicted about it. it was, after all only 1 and a half months since we last broke up.

as for me, i'm overcome with a jealousy i never knew i had. i torture myself and give myself no peace of mind over what she and this other man are doing.
talking, caressing each other, Aarggh. it's all getting a bit too much.

i feel really angry and want to break things but i try not to criticize her because on some level i still love her, and am now trying my hardest to detach myself so the heartache and pain will just go away.
and i'm peeved at myself, at life and a part of me wants to lash out at everyone.

i've done the whole gettin drunk with friends thing. didnt help much.
and getting a rebound g/f would, i feel, cheapen what my ex g/f and i once had.

you wanted a more casual relationship that would allow you freedom to travel.
she wanted a family, someone to settle down with.

it wasn't going to work dude, even if you tried to make it work, it was never going to last. if she gave up her dreams for a family, it wouldnt be perminant, when a women is ready, she is ready! and if you gave up traveling to start a family with her you wouldnt be happy, always thinking you missed out on life and who knows that might then come back around to bite you and you devorce and she takes your kid 100's of miles away etc.

you made the right choice, you have to be selfish in these situations and put yourself and your happyness first. which you did.

at the same time do you exspect your girlfriend to stay single forever? you said it yourself, she wants a family! she isnt going to let any man come in the way of that.

i know it might make you angry, after all it hurts you, why isnt she feeling the same way? well truth is she is, but she isnt going to go around crying about you in public, just like you wont (or shouldnt). we all need time to get over and come to terms with a break up of a relationship, the only thing here is she did it sooner then you. she loved you just as much as you did, and it hurt her too that i promise. but she has plans, she wants a family and she has to get up and get on with her life, just like you do! im sorry mate but you cant exspect her to go around single for a certain amount of time just to make yourself feel slightly better in the fact your not the only one who feels like crap. thats selfish mate.

leave her be, let her find the happyness she found with you in a man that is better suited for her wants and needs, let her get on with her life, and you get on with yours. take it as a lession

[Exarch]

i found out she's pashed the other bloke
she said she regrets it but i'm so chockful of hurt and emotion i want to punch the other guy, but i know i'm being unfair...but he did swoop in straight after he found out about us 2 breaking up tho

[chriscase]

You weren't dating him. Your feelings about him are probably less important than your feelings about her. Don't get sidetracked.

[Chaigidel]

its only natural,it will pass; you simply need to put it out of your mind and realize that you and her are no more; over time your thoughts will turn to other things.

[Shaun]

my g/f and i broke up qutie cordially about a month and a half ago, and i was sort of ok with it. heartbroken but dealing with it ok.
we broke up becuz she wanted a commitment and i couldnt give it to her at the time, seeing as how i'm travelling for bizness/work/education in a coupla months.

and we were still friends. still friendly towards one another and still as close as we were for the last 3 yrs we were together.
then i find out another bloke's after her and how shall i say it, 'courting' her.
my ex-g/f wants to settle down with a family and kids etc so she's a bit conflicted about it. it was, after all only 1 and a half months since we last broke up.

as for me, i'm overcome with a jealousy i never knew i had. i torture myself and give myself no peace of mind over what she and this other man are doing.
talking, caressing each other, Aarggh. it's all getting a bit too much.

i feel really angry and want to break things but i try not to criticize her because on some level i still love her, and am now trying my hardest to detach myself so the heartache and pain will just go away.
and i'm peeved at myself, at life and a part of me wants to lash out at everyone.

i've done the whole gettin drunk with friends thing. didnt help much.
and getting a rebound g/f would, i feel, cheapen what my ex g/f and i once had.

Firstly, you did the right thing. You both had different, contrasting life goals at the time of break-up. She wanted something you were unwilling to offer. The relationship needed to end before someone expected something of the other that they were unwilling to provide. However, it's good that you had a friendly brake up: the more female friends you have, the better - plus, down the road, you might get back together again.

Secondly, I think a rebound girl would help you move on. Your belief that it would cheapen your past girlfriend is nonsense. You're a man ... you have needs that need to be satisfied ... get a new girl for whatever type of relationship you're currently looking for. Time heals all ... but a new girl will help accelerate the process!

Anyway, read this thread. It seems you have a case of oneitis. (Oneitis is basically an infatuation about a girl you're not currently in a romantic/sexual relationship with. It differs from love in many ways, although most believe oneitis to be love.)

[Exarch]

thanks for the help fellas
much appreciated.
so yeh, she's getting serious with the other bloke. they've done the uh, how shall we put it, the horizontal rumba.
i thinik i'm still in shock.
jeez, and it was onl 8 weeeks...

[Exarch]

so now, i guess i'm just learning how to move on
a new woman would be nice
of better hotness preferably

[MathiasOfAthens]

how do u know they did it. If she told u thats proof there shes moved on and is no longer interested. But if he told you then thats just ing cold.
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Fake Weed

[Exarch]

she told me.
and i could tell she regrets moving on so fast (only a little over a month) but what's done is done, and i felt deeply cut.
she was crying as she told and she knew i was the type who'd wait months and months before moving on; especially after 4 yrs

[MathiasOfAthens]

So she fell in love with this new bloke or was it just a crush. 4 years is a long time to just move on in 8 weeks.
________
Medical Marijuana

[Exarch]

i think it was also a circumstantial thing.
i'll fill in some blanks.
she;s an older woman with kids, hence why she wanted me to settle down with her and have a life together.
the other bloke's newly divorced with kids of his own.
i suppose she thought it was what she needed-a stable man for her kids, and a family-and i suppose when the opportunity rpesented itself ie he hittign on her as soon as we were split up, she took it.

we were very close and still are (as soon as i can get over my dark thoughts) and it just seemed too fast y'know. why would any1 sleep with someone else not a month after a 4 yr relationship?

[MathiasOfAthens]

I read it again and yea it seems a lot like she looking for something u cant give her.... a stable father figure. Thats why she fell for this new bloke, and i dont know anything about this guy he could be a great guy. Anyway she needs a stable relationship and your chances are not gone u could technically win he back but u need to be stable for her... You moving away though and that complicates it a lot... Im sure she loves you very much but she needs more than love she needs someone for her kids, and thats one of the basic human instincts. Women look for someone whos stable. When they have kids they look for somoene whos even more stable in order to raise those kids. She thinks about her kids future more than her own right now and thats what matters.

[Exarch]

eh?

[MathiasOfAthens]

sorry man forget the revenge sex Ill delete that.
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Crosman airsoft bottle white heavy