PDER- Kicking some a**es or: The Try for a Georgian comedy AAR

**Nevada** · February 23, 2008, 08:05 AM

hi there,
just had a small idea for a comedy AAR, but there will be funny parts and serious parts and I also need to say that I, because I'm German, can not that good make dialect jokes^^
and you can +rep me if ou want

Book One
Chapter one:

The start of a new era of power
Or: How empires grow because of terrible wifes

1080.
Narrator: The small kingdom of Georgia, here's one of the last fortresses of Christianity in the East.
Harry: Fortress? *starts laughing horribly* This joke of a kingdom, surrounded by Seljuks and Turks, without any allies? And they don't eve have one!
Narrator: Shut the **** up, Harry! Next time your wife is nearly before killing you, I'll not help you, I'll help her!
Harry: And why should I do what you say to me? I mean, look at you, you look boring with glasses thick as a wall on your eyes and talk ****.
Narrator:*grins* Yes, but I sleep with your wife!
Harry: ......
Narrator: I knew it, this always works, so back to our story.

Mephet Mephe George: We are alone against hordes of seljukish horsearchers.
Advisor 1: Yes, we should send someone around and form some kind of orthodox axe to fight the muslims and, if necessary, other christians.
Advisor 2: I think we should start with Armenia.
Mephet Mephe George: Ok, I will go and talk to them!
Advisor 1: No, we will send a diplomat!
Mephet Mephe George: Why am i not allowed to go? *gets glassy eyes* I want away from here, I will be the last king of Georgie, my son is even more useless than me and my wife is tyranising me! *starts finally crying*
Advisor 2: C'mon, Mephet, c'mon, it isn't that bad. We need to conquer Tibilisi, that's what you could do.
Mephet Mephe George: Really? Do you think I, with only one star in command, can do that?
Advisor 2: No, but at least you get away from your ****ing wife and that useless guy.
Mephet Mephe George: That sounds great! Assemble the army!

1 turn later, Adana.

Georgian Diplomat: I'm here to offer you an alliance and trade rights! Together we can arise again against the threat of the Seljuks and turks!
Armenian King: Which threat?
Georgian Diplomat: You know, the threat that made you routing from your homelands!
Armenian King: Oh, those s***ers! They looked so poor as they came from Asia and had nothing except their lifes, I had to give them my country, as I also got this one!
Georgian Diplomat: *sigh* Yes, those little sandbox players out there. But now they threaten our country and I'm sure you want to go back to your old homelands!
Armenian King: Yes, that has a point, I guess we will help you!

Another turn later, Konya

Turkish Diplomat: Do you want ceasefire?
Georgian Diplomat: Why do you offer ceasefire on us? I mean, we got only one province and you are the mighty turks of Rum!
Turkish Diplomat: Yes, but you always need to think on the political side.
Georgian Diplomat: Huh?
Turkish Diplomat: *sigh* Ok, now in a languge that makes it understandable to you: If-turks-make-peace-with-Georgia-noone-will-think-it-was-a-ceasefire-but-a-amazing-victory-and-everyone-will-praise-our-grace-to-leave-a-few-of-you-alive. So-our-leader-seems-more-amazing-for-our-people-which-helps-in-our-endless-war-with-Byzantium. Did you understand?
Georgian Diplomat: *confused* Yes.

Narrator: The diplomat made many other journeys which ended all up in

The siege of Tibilisi:

Mephet Mephe George: It feels great to be with your men in mud and to fight against a minor force in a town.
Advisor 1: Yes, this is a minor force, so why don't we simple go in and conquer it?
Mephet Mephe George: Did you forget that my son is useless and my wife is tyranising me? This siege will stay until they attack us or until the give up!
Advisor 2: *desperate* What have i done? God! Tell me what I did wrong!

Inside the town

Rebel Leader: Prepare everything, they are a superior force and will attack every moment!
Rebels: Yes, sir!

One day later:
Rebel Leader: Prepare everything, they are a superior force and will attack every moment!
Rebel: Yes, sir!

One month later:
Rebel Leader: You know what to do!
Rebel: Yes, sir!

One year later:
Rebel Leader: ...
Rebel: Shut the **** up! We know what we got to do, but they will never attack! The King of Georgia hates his family, so why should he attack? He'd have to go back then!
Rebel Leader: You got a point!
Rebel: Yeah! Hey everyone, did you hear that? He gave me a point, that means this is the first time in my life I was right, if we had more food, i would make a small party now!
Rebel Leader: Don't overdo it!
Rebel: Shut up, I was right and you were wrong! Hahahahahahahaha!
Rebel Leader: If the Georgians don't attack before, this ****ing man will drive me crazy. Or I kill him before.
Other Rebel: ***kisser!

Another year later:
Rebel: Do you know me, last year, I was right!
Rebel leader: *puts him and throuws him down the wall* It's such a nice sound to hear how his bones break.

Meanwhile in the Georgian Camp:
Mephet Mephe George: *sees the rebel flying down the wall* ****! They got nothing more to eat! This means they'll give up soon and I'll have to go back to my wife! Noooooooo!*screams desperate*
Advisor 1: Yeah we can finaly go home! *is so full with pleasure that he startes to dance with Advisor 2*

One month later:
Georgian Soldier: They're coming!

Mephet Mephe George: ****!

Narrator: The Rebels stromed headless and hungry out of the fortress and were soon hidden by Georgian arrows. The Peasant units of the rebels routed soon and got crushed by Tadzreulis.
Then The Rebel Leader moved into the fight and got killed by heroic Spearmen at the left flank.

Narrator: Harry, what the hell are you doing? The Georgians killed the Rebel general, so don't make the picture dark, it should be white, full with glory!
Harry: Well, I needed to take revenge and my wife is also getting killed at the moment, you will survie cause it's a huger fun to mob you!
Narrator: ****er! But back to topic: The Rebels ran away and regathered at the gates, where they got crashed again by the Georgian army.

Narrator: This was the beginning of the endphase. The Georgian cavalry units captured the Plaza and Tbilisi was Georgian again.

Narrator: After the battle, Mephet Mephe George returned to Kutatisi and was tyranised by his wife again, but at least he could send his useless son away to Tbilisi to rebuild it, as the Georgians couldn't recruit anything there.

And in the next episode: The great Seljuks are coming and Mephet Mephe George is moving away to Karin in the pretext of getting a castle to improve Georgia's situation agains the Seljuks, but he still tries to get away from his wife.

Don't miss it!

**Socal_infidel** · February 23, 2008, 09:49 AM

Very funny stuff, Nevada! Can't wait for next installment! Poor George! Conquering just to get away from his wife!

**Nevada** · February 23, 2008, 11:28 AM

well, he will have a nice odysee (hope it's written right) in the next hapter, as he has to rout from 3 seljuk armies.....

**Tadzreuli** · February 23, 2008, 11:55 AM

hehehehe

funy AAR, thanks !!!

**Nevada** · February 23, 2008, 01:40 PM

hehehehe funy AAR, thanks !!!

a, criticism from the georgian!^^

continuing tomorrow

**basilia** · February 24, 2008, 12:01 AM

tadzreuli,magari kaci xar

magram, ver gaivge , es tamshi gamovida ukve tu gamodis? da sad sheidzleba vnaxo

**Nevada** · February 24, 2008, 03:12 AM

NOTE: THIS DOESN'T REALISTICALLY REPRESENT THE AUTHOR'S MEANING ON ANYTHING WRITTEN OF IN HERE. I'M SORRY IF THE CONTENT IN HERE HURTS SOMEONE'S ETHNIC MEANINGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Two

A divine plan
Or: How you can forget on the Odyssey

Narrator: Welcome to the 2nd part of the story of the glorious Georgia!
Harry: ...
Narrator: Just try to talk, :wub:! I puted something in your mouth and hanged you out of the window on your legs!
Harry: .....
Narrator: I know you love me, or at least your wife does.
Harry: ....
Narrator: Yes, you're right, Harry, we should start with it!

Tbilisi
Mephet Mephe George: Georgie needs a castle somewhere, the Great Seljuks are in front of our gates and we have nothing except my army and two cities! Please, don't you have anything to conquer for me? My wife.... I can't stand it any longer!
Advisor 1: I would suggest to conquer the castle of Karin, it lies behind the town of Ani, which is already Seljukish, so we could fall in their back when they attack us.
Mephet Mephe George: That's a great idea, let's do it this way, the army shall assemble, we move to Karin!
Advisor 2: *lowly to Advisor 1* And once again we got to go to war just because his wife is the man in this ****ing marriage.

Near the Borderline of Tbilisi-Ani

Georgian Diplomat: Why are you crossing our borderline with such a huge army? We are not in war!
Seljukish General: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... *to his men* Fast, hide the bows and swords!
Georgian Diplomat: Yes?
Seljukish General: Do you see this town overthere?
Georgian Diplomat: Where?
Seljukish General: You don't see it? It's quite behind those mountains!
Georgian Diplomat: Do you mean the Caucasians?
Seljukish General: Yes, yes. So are we allowed to go?
Georgian Diplomat: How should I stop you?

Narrator: The army moved directly to Tbilisi and then turned around to Kabala where it was beaten by a minor rebel force.

A few turns later: Karin
Mephet Mephe George: Damned, this is the first time ever i ant to be back home, at my terrible wife and my useless son!
Advisor 1: Yes, our situation is really ****ed. But at least we get supply with some cavalry units that break through all few turns.
Mephet Mephe George: Yes, but, look! I just wanted to get away from my wife and conquer something, to go down in history! But now, The Rebels are in our back and four full Seljukish armies are directly in front of us, we can only hope that they capture Karin soon, so that we can rout southward!
Advisor 2: In the south? Are you crazy? You go directly into Seljukish lands!
Mephet Mephe George: I know, but what else shall we do in this ****ed situation? Shall we wait and sit down with our Spearmen and wait for their horsearchers to pierce our armour?
Advisor 2: Yes, in this way we could at least go home fast.
Mephet Mephe George: You don't really think my useless son or my wife will pay ransom?
Advisor 2: It's always worth hoping!
Mephet Mephe George: And YOU call ME crazy?

One turn later:
Advisor 1: My lord, the Seljuks captured Karin, we can rout for the south now!
Mephet Mephe George: Alright then, everyone shall pack his thangs, we need to get away before the Seljuks get the idea to attack us!
Advisor 2: Yes.

After the camp was packed and everything was ready to go:
Mephet Mephe George: Men, now, in this hour, we need to run and rescue our lifes. We were here to fight, but against such a huge enemy, it's useless. We will stay together and rout for the south, the only free direction...... **** what I said, they're coming! Get your bags and run!

Narrator: And this was the start of the Odyssey of Mephet Mephe George. His Odyssey was huger, and more amazing they Odysseus' one. I mean, look: What about Circe? -He simply left her at home in Kutatisi. What about the Scylla and Charybdis? he had three of them in form of Seljukish armies directly behind him. What about the wooden horse? Odysseus needed a wooden horse as he had none on his own, but George had an own horse, that wasn't even out of wood but out of flesh and blood. What about the Sirens? He heard them everyday when the Seljuks got of their horses to pray! And, the best, George didn't need fourty years to experience all those things, he needed only 3 years!

Those three years later:
Mephet Mephe George: Phew, i think they gave it up! let's hit for Edessa, we need supplies and this will also hut the Seljuks defense when we make it to a castle!
Advisor 1: *low voice, his mouth is so dry that sand comes out of it* Yes, my king. We can conquer anything as long as there's water!
Mephet Mephe George: C'mon, you loser! Can't you stand seven days without water? You are such a softy!
Advisor 2: *same as Advisor 1* Look at your men, then your complete army is out of softies!
Mephet Mephe George: Damned, you're right!

Edessa, inside the walls.
Seljukish Captain: How is ti possible the the Georgians are here? I thought they were beaten by our three armies in the mountains!
Ghazi: Well, it seems like they told us some ****.
Seljukish Captain: We're sieged but we have time, I mean, how long took it George to conquer Tbilisi? We got time, it would be nice if you could do something on our defense, but for now, it isn't necessary.
Ghazi: Ok

At night then:
Mephet Mephe George: Now we will attack! Our power should be huge enough now, as we are a superior force and everyone drank out of that small Oasis out there.
Advisor 1: Which Oasis?
Mephet Mephe George: The Oasis directly outside of my tent!
Advisor 1: Oh, you mean that huge dune?
Mephet Mephe George: What? I drank litres of sand?
Advisor 2: Yes, it seems so!
Mephet Mephe George: ****! But start the attack!

The day after the battle, a small conversation between two Prisoners:
Ghazi: We have time you said, it took them long to conquer Tbilisi you said. Defense isn't necessary for now you said.
Seljukish Captain: Shut up!

Narrator: In between, it was shown that George's son wasn't that useless as he used the time now, as the Seljukish armies were all hunting his father, to siege Ani, during his brother David saved his back with a small force.

Narrator: And as the major part of the seljuks was looking for David's smaller army, Mphe Zaza, the useless son, yould conquer Ani and all Seljukish armies moved away, mainly in the south.

Scene in a Seljuk Army after the fall of Ani:
Seljuk General: I don't know what we did wrong, I mena we circled them but the he still conquered Ani!
Bodyguard: Perhaps we should have placed us near enough to help in the city.
Seljuk General: But we helped them, we blockaded Georgian supplies!
Bodyguard: C'mon, I don't think you're as stupid as you look like! These "supplies" were twohundred militias and one general, they wouldn't have changed the battle.
Seljuk General: However, let's say we tried to circle them but then they circled us.
Bodyguard: Ok, so let's go south now, here's nothing we could do, I mean shall we conquer the nearly not defended Georgian corelands with our superior force?
*both start laughing*
Seljuk general: That was a great joke! But now we need to go, there#s one Georgian guardman on patrol out there, when he sees us, we're lost!

Narrator: That's it again! I would have told you more, but Harry is getting very low out there, perhaps he should get him in again or he will die.
*looks out of the window*
Narrator: Harry, are you there?
Harry: ....
Narrator: Great, wait, I'll get you in, I hate you, but I don't want to kill you!
Harry: .....
Narrator: And in the next chapter, you can expect a great Georgian campaign in Seljuk lands!

Don't miss it!

**Socal_infidel** · February 24, 2008, 09:34 AM

This AAR is really funny. I love how he's going all the way to Edessa just to get away from his wife!

The exchange between the Seljuk general and Georgian Diplomat was funny, too.

Can't wait to see the Georgian campaign in the heart of Seljuq lands!

**Nevada** · February 24, 2008, 09:56 AM

Can't wait to see the Georgian campaign in the heart of Seljuq lands!

don't expect to much, the three armies catched up and george was captured in edessa for the next few turns

**Nevada** · February 26, 2008, 08:11 AM

so, now, after successfully crashing my maths exam (normally i get a or b, this time I'll have luck when I get a d, 6 tasks ion 25 minutes, too short), here's the next part.

NOTE: THIS DOESN'T REPRESENT THE AUTHOR'S MEANING ON ANYTHING WRITTEN OF IN HERE. I'M SORRY IF THE CONTENT IN HERE HURTS SOMEONE'S ETHNIC MEANINGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Three
The Great Offensive
Or: Whereupon the Great Seljuks get horribly fooled.

Harry: Muahahahahaha! This time I will tell the story, cause my ****ing colleague doesn't get into the room after i stole the key. Hahahahaha!*laughs horribly loud*
Narrator: *screams from the other side of the door* Harry you mother****er! Open the ****ed door! I want to get in and kill you!
Harry: Isn't it nice to hear how he breaks through the door? But i got a story to tell.

Ani

Mephe Zaza: David, I want you to conquer Tabriz!
David: But my army is so horribly small!
Mephe Zaza: Yes, but the one in Tabriz, too!
David: No, I want a huger army or I'll stop breathing until I die!
Mephe Zaza: *sigh* Hell, you are even more childish than my father!
David: *gets slowly a blue color in his face*
Mephe Zaza: Damned, I don't want to let you die, even when you have no point in command, so that you're useless!
David: *takes a huge breath now and slowly regains his color* Yay, I'll get more units! But what a bout that huge Seljuk army between Tabriz and here?
Mephe Zaza: Well, I already thought on this and here's my answer: Fidel, come in!

Fidel Castro: Hail companions! Let's start fighting for the red revolution!
David: Who is that? And what the **** is he talking about?
Mephe Zaza: *proud* This is Fidel Castro. A dictator of a political direction that is not yet known and he rules an island that is not yet discovered.
David: *confused* Ohhhh...... So what should he tell me on defeating that Seljuk army.
Mephe Zaza: Nothing, but he knows everything on guerilla-tactics, so he can help you surrounding and confusing that army.
Fidel Castro: Yes, but, at first, an Aspirin please, i got horrible headaches.
David: What the **** is Aspirin?
Mephe Zaza: Aspirin is a medicament against that illness your minor intelligence causes in my brain.
David: Ok!

Edessa

Mephet Mephe George: *nips on some wine* Isn't it great that I conquered this small city? this is a prvince in the core of the Seljuk Empire and we're save again!
Advisor 1: Yes, it was amzing how clear you could think after you drank all this sand.
Advisor 2: Yes, you were even more brilliant than ever before.
Mephet Mephe George: Did you say something, I just heard that low "blabla". However. This is great! I got a city far away from home that is being made a fortress at the moment. I got a huge army, no useless son, no horrible wife. I could really live this way. *has a look between being lucky and being ciffed* All those sands, they're all mine.....
Advisor 1: *lowly to Advisor 2* Should we tell him of those three huge Seljuk armies that surrounded our position?
Advisor 2: No, give him time, he shall enjoy his crazy speeches until he sees it on his own, even when i don't think he'll ever find it out.
Mephet mephe George: ****!
Advisor 1: Ah, you saw the Seljuk armies, m'lord?
Mephet Mephe George: What? Seljuk armies? Now the problem is even huger than i expected! I just cursed yause my wine was over!
Advisor 1: And you said he'll never find out.

Harry: So, this loser of a king was trapped in his own city after he captured it. The Seljuks didn't siege him, but they blockaded the roads.

Between Ani and Tabriz

David: Ok, I see them , what shall i do now?
Fidel Castro: Well, put a few men between the trees over there and let them carry the Red Flag of Communism, that will make them panic and run away!
David: Well, I'll take Georgian banners since i don't have any Red Flag of Communism.
Fidel Castro: oh, you call communism "georgia" in here?
David: *sigh and sarcastically* Yes, more or less. There are no greater communists on this earth. We got a king far away in an exile and watched by three armies and here, we got peace, love and corrupt leaders.
Fidel Castro: Ahhh, like at home........
David: You don't get any joke, don't you? However. Men, let's get started!

Harry: The Georgian losers did how castro told them, even when there were no trees, not even high grass.

Seljuk General: Do you see all those army banners that are carried by less men that try to remove us from here?
Seljuk Soldier: Yes, i do.
Seljuk General: This must be a trick of the communists! We are being surrounded by a superior force! Run as fast as you can!
Seljuk Soldier: But, general, these are Georgians!
Seljuk General: Don't you lknow that Georgian is another word for communism?
Seljuk Soldier: Didn't think about it until now, but, now that you say it, let's run!

Harry: So the Seljuks ran away without knowing that, in communism, only the revolutions work and everything else goes down afterwards. Tabriz fell after a short battle and the Seljuks came not back as they still thought that there was a superior force. So Tabriz was save and the castles of Van and Karin were too far away to get reeinforcements, so Mephe Zaza started conquering them and succeeded. *talks faster as he hears the narrator is braking through the door*
The Georgian Kingdom was now worth being called a Kingdom and the Georgians got an alliance with the Fatimids, so that they could attack the Seljuks from three sides.
Narrator: Haha, Harry, I got through the door! Now be prepared for getting killed.
Harry: Damned, I'm sorry that this finishes this chapter, but I need to run! Look, narrator, communists!
Narrator: Where? *gets a baseball wood and springer-shoes*
Harry: Ha, you fool! I could escape!!!
Narrator: Let's see how long. Oh, Harry forgot the preview for the next part: The Georgians will expand much more and someone important will die in a heroic battle. Of course the next chapter will also be with me and Harry, if he survives this!

Don't miss it!

**Nevada** · February 28, 2008, 12:05 PM

NOTE: THIS DOESN'T REPRESENT THE AUTHOR'S MEANING ON ANYTHING WRITTEN OF IN HERE. I'M SORRY IF THE CONTENT IN HERE HURTS SOMEONE'S ETHNIC MEANINGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Three
A victim for the kingdom
Or: Why 300 isn't the most senseless slaughterfilm

Narrator: Today, I will tell you the story of the first great battle in the Georgian-Seljukish War. There will be no Harry that will disturb us, let's say he's ill, so enjoy the Battle of Brokeback Mountain!

The mountains between Tabriz and Musul

Seljuk General: Hahahaha! Our armies will hit their weak border at Tabriz, of which they think that it is save. This attack will be a complete surprise for them, they'll only be able to do something against us when we already siege Kutatisi!
Bodyguard: And what about that Georgian Skirmisher that could run away from us after you told him to do so? Don't you think he'll tell it to his lords?
Seljuk General: Well, you know, when I think we'll win, i'm a bit like being drunken......
Bodyguard: *sigh* Perhaps you also smoke too much?
Seljuk General: Yes, this could be possible. Smoking makes the brain soft, as my doctor told me yesterday...
Bodyguard: Damned, I'm telling you that since i work for you!
Seljuk General: Yes, but you are my bodyguard, you have to protect my body with yours, not my health. Our I'd have your health and you'd be that stupid.
Bodyguard: *even more sigh* However.....

The Georgian Army, a few kilometres away:

Mephe Zaza: I and my men came here, to fight. Not to fight for our glory, but to fight for our nation. To fight against a superior force to make it that weak, that it is unable to crush our homelands. This is the reason why I'm here.
Biographist: This is a great quote, i'll write it down in your biography if i survive the upcoming battle. Now you can be normal again.
Mephe Zaza: Great! *opens his belt and gets a can of beer out of his trousers*
Biographist: He's great in giving further generations a wrong picture of him.
Maphe Zaza: ok, so this is the plan: *empties the can in one*

Mephe Zaza: We'll move across the river and use the small castle to cover our right flank, and we'll fight with the Brokeback Mountain in our back, this will give us a height advantage and the men can't rout that fast as there will be no place they can rout to.
Biographist: This is a great plan! Can i get it to show it in your biography?
Mephe Zaza: Why? That you can say you created the plan that made the Georgian forces defeating the Seljuk army, that uses mainly bows that pierce our armour and that outnumber us 3:1? No, you won't get it!

The Battle Stats:

Georgia: ~700 Men, mainly bowmen and spearmen
The Great Seljuks: ~1800 in 2 armies, low quality units, but a huge mass and horsearchers.

Before the Battle

Mephe Zaza: Men! In front of us, there's a huge, superior enemy force. If we win, the gate to Mesopotamis will be open and Georgia will be save. If we have a close defeat, georgia will be save. if we have a crushing defeat, everything will be lost.
Georgian Soldier: This is madness!
Mephe Zaza: Which ****ing :wub: said that ****?
Fidel Castro: That's right, men! Fight for your freedom, fight against the dictator that offers your life to the death!
Mephe Zaza: Fidel, I got you here to tell us something on guerilla tactics, you aren't here to demoralize my men!
Fidel Castro: Fight the cruel ruler!
Mephe Zaza: That's enough, Fidel! *fidel gets glassy eyes* You are fired!!!! *Fidel finally starts crying and runs away like a little girl* So, and on the madness thing: Is it Madness to fight and defend your homes? is it madness to fight for your wifes and childrens? Is it madness to fight and eventually die for your nation? No, this ain't madness. THIS IS GEORGIA!!!! *battle-scream*
Biographist: This is a great quote and I'm quite sure someone will use it in later ages in an entertainmentthing that is not yet invented. This proves that good quotes are mostly stolen.

The Battle

Mephe Zaza: Why don't you shot your arrows? You're under fire!

Frightened Bowmen: They are so many, I can't believe we shall fight them.
Mephe Zaza: You have to, only with your arrows, they'll get less.
Frightend Bowmen: Why are you lying on us? Fidel was right, c'mon guys, let's go and follow him!
Mephe Zaza: ****!

A few hours later

Narrator: The Georgians were standing good in the battle. The few tadzreuli units could crash most of the Seljuk Foot Archers , but the mainpart of the army at the mountian was in a round formation, with the spears on the outside. Luckily, the Seljuks missunderstood something with the horsearchers, so they crashed directly and without shooting arrows into the GGeorgian Formation where they died. Mephe Zaza was riding around them with his bodyguards and tried to make smaller units routing.
But it cames like it had to.

Mephe Zaza: Do you see this little unit of spearmen? We should crush them, they aren't any danger for us, especially not for our horses!
Bodyguard: That's wrong!
Mephe Zaza: However, attack!

A bit later:

Mephe Zaza: ****, he was right!

Narrator: After the fall of Mephe Zaza, the battle ended up fastly, the lowered Georgian Formations of Kurtasi and Methsikovne Spearmen were crushed ba the spearmen after the horsearchers routed.
The Battle ended in a great victim for the kingdom: The Prince was dead and a complete army has been slaughtered. But the Seljuks had lost 1200 Men in fighting these 700 Georgians, so they turned around and moved back to Musul and Baghdadto retrain again.
But before they did so, they executed all the 100 prisoners they had made during the battle.

And the next time: The georgians start a war of revenge, and a new powere takes part at the war!

Don't miss it!

**Socal_infidel** · February 28, 2008, 12:23 PM

Genius! I love this AAR! It's....MADNESS!!!

**Nevada** · February 28, 2008, 12:49 PM

Genius! I love this AAR! It's....MADNESS!!!

this ain't madness, this is nevada!^^

btw: thanks!

**Nevada** · March 05, 2008, 09:33 AM

NOTE: THIS DOESN'T REPRESENT THE AUTHOR'S MEANING ON ANYTHING WRITTEN OF IN HERE. I'M SORRY IF THE CONTENT IN HERE HURTS SOMEONE'S ETHNIC MEANINGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Five (I know I had 3 two times, sorry for that)
The Fall of a Superpower
Or: You have to take revenge, even for useless family members!

Narrator: After the glorious battle of Brokeback Mountain, which will be shown wrong in 2 great movies that are called 300 and Brokeback Mountain, the revenge of the kingdom starts.
Men.. I can't believe how they made a Gay-movie out of a battle... this is so respectless.... *tears come out of his eyes*

Kutatisi

Mephet Mephe George: Damned, this was a glorious battle. I really need to say, that my son isn't as useless as I thought.
Advisor 1: True words. The recognition only comes when a peron is already dead.
Mephet Mephe George: Which recognition? I just said that cause I don't want to look like a worser father than I am! My son fought a great battle, but that doesn't make him a great human!
Advisor 2: Ehhhhh However, what are our plans will we take revenge?
Mephet Mephe George: Yes, we will take revenge. But not for my son, I simply want to show these bastards that they can't simply enter our land and kill my dynasty. So this is the plan: My old army, which is still in Edessa, will move to Halab, under the leadership of an adopted, not that useless son. And one of my son's sons will move northward, along the coast of the Black Sea, to convert these pagans and to get money, we'll need it for the war.
Advisor 1: Great plan!
Mephet Mephe George: No, I jsut can't stnd him because he's a better commander than me.
Advisor 2: Are you as stupid as you seem?
Mephet Mephe George: What? YOU call ME stupid?
Advisor 2: *jumps frightened back* YES!
Mephet Mephe George: Wow, I love your brave! You're the first one who recognised that and told me on it. Advisor 2, you're now the new Advisor 1!
Advisro 1: And what about me?
Mephet Mephe George: Well, normally Advisor 1 only changes in a revolution, when the old Advisor 1 becomes king, so.... *to the guards* Throw the revolution leader out of the window!
Advisor 1: What? You want to kill me?
Mephet Mephe George: Are you stupid? Didn't you listen to me? I said you'll be thrown out of the window, and, for that question, they'll go onto the highest tower to throw you down!!!

A few turns later:
The first northern province has fallen to Georgia, but the expansion can't go on, as the Pagans are revolting, even after a huge victory

and the complete destroyment of their army.

Narrator: Halab has fallen to the Georgians and they continued their move to the Mediterranean Sea woth attacking Antiocheia. Mephet Mephe George decided, to go to war with on own, new army now and he moeve to Baghdad.

Baghdad

Fatimid Diplomat: We have both the same enemy, the Great Seljuks, so why don't we make an alliance and kill them together?
Mephet Mephe George: Why an alliance? You will expand in our lands as soon as the Seljuks are down!
Fatimid Diplomat: *Hides invasionplans behind his back* Noooooo, we won't! We will take down the Seljuks with our united powers and then the Fatimids and Georgians will be feared all over the world!
Mephet Mephe George: The world? That youds great!
Fatimid Diplomat: When you deal, you'll get the traderights, too!
Mephet Mephe George: That's great! Deal!

One turn later

Narrator: George moved away from Baghdad and left it to the Fatimids. He moved down to AL Basra and conquered it to make it into a fortress behinf the lines of the Fatimids. This would be an important strategic position, if the Fatimids would break the alliance.

Mephet Mephe George: Damned, i knew there was something wrong! Why should the Fatimids offer us an alliance? And wah do I hear one day after making the alliance on that crusade?

Narrator: So, my children, this is enough for this day. The Fable-uncle is tired now. So, what will happen in the next chapter, well, the almighty one, that plays and writes this, didn't yet continue his playing....
So...

Don't miss it!

**Nevada** · March 15, 2008, 10:47 AM

NOTE: THIS DOESN'T REALISTICALLY REPRESENT THE AUTHOR'S MEANING ON ANYTHING WRITTEN OF IN HERE. I'M SORRY IF THE CONTENT IN HERE HURTS SOMEONE'S ETHNIC MEANINGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 6
The Great Northern Campaign and the Southern Peace
Or: How Georgia gets fooled by Seljuk Rebels

Narrator: Many things have happened (on that the author of this story had no funny ideas^^). Mephet Mephe George conquered Al Basra and made it a castle, then he moved to Hamadan and conquered it. He was cruel and killed everyone in the city and destroyed all buildings, then his army went to Musul, where it met with reinforcements from Edessa. The Georgians also conquered Tripoli and the Fatimids captured all of the Holy Land except Yerushalem. The Northern campaign went greatly forward, even when the Kyphac archers caused more losses to the Georgian Army then the Seljuk ones ever did. The main goal of the campaign was it to conquer Sarkel as the Northern borderfortress for Georgia, but it was already captured by the Kievan Rus, which were an allie of Georgia. So the Northern army moved southward again, to a small town at the coast of the Caspian Sea, North of the Caucasians.
There some rebels fooled them....

Near the borderline

Vakhtang: What the ****? We are on their territory, and they fall in our backs, coming from our territory?????

Rebel General: It was a great idea to rout from our Seljuk friends to move around the Caspian Sea and fall in the backs of the Georgians!
Rebel: Yes, but the Seljuks are nearly completely erased from this earth and we lost three quarters of our men during we had to pay tribute to the cannibalistic Kyphac rulers on our way.
Rebel General: *proud* Many losses for a higher goal! Look, we are a heavy-armoured elite-unit and the Georgians, only expecting Kyphac archers here, have only armour-piercing arrows! We can only win!
Rebel: *sigh* Why the hell did I follow him?
Rebel General: Attack! For glory!

Narrator: The brave charge of the Seljuk Spearmen didn't last long, it got stoped by Metshikovne Spearmen and then they were yurrounded and killed by the horse archers in a meelee.

Rebel General: *diing* What did we do wrong? I can't believe we lost!
Rebel: Do you still know that Kyphac duchy we went through, in that you paid 50 of our men for one night with the daughter of the ruler?
Rebel General: Yes, it was so nice *starts looking like being kiffed* She had amazing......
Rebel: Well, she always talked a dark god named with AI, that rules us all, would take revenge. And here it is. He made us incredibly stupid! You caused that, in future battles, the enemies of Georgia will be slain by them, as Georgia is ruled by another, more intelligent god, that calls himself Nevada.
Rebel General: Sounds completely stupid, but it must be right! There's no other explanation!

Narrator: The battle was the last one in the Northern campaign and, as a consequence out of it, the last free town of the north was captured by the Georgians. Vakhtang started to build a borderfortress, as Sarkel belonged to the Kievan Rus.

Meanwhile in Yerushalem

Fatimid Diplomat: Do you agree?
Seljuk Sultan: Why should i do that?
Fatimid Diplomat: You'll be erased if you don't!
Seljuk Sultan: What's so bad on being erased?
Fatimid Diplomat2: I can't believe he's so stupid! Get out of my way! *runs through the room and jumps out of the next window*
Seljuk Guard: Sultan, he fell on 2 guards and killed them as he met them!
Seljuk Sultan: Holy ****!
Fatimid Diplomat: Do you know what that was?
Seljuk Sultan: No.
Fatimid Diplomat: That was one of our Suicide Bombers. If you don't agree, we'll send them to you! We will frighten your people, kill your soldiers and windows,....
Seljuk Sultan: *scared* No, please don't do that! My soldiers are already frightened, but killing them goes to far!
Fatimid Diplomat: Then sign here!

Narrator: The seljuks became Vassals of the Fatimids. Hamadan became a rebel town and Georgia didn't want to own it, as the Iranian rebel towns would be great goals for some Eastern people that could perhaps come after the Seljuks. They would channel their invasion into Mesopotamis, or, else said, directly into the lands of the Georgian allie. But the alliance wasn't that great anymore, as the Seljuks were Vassals now.

Somewhere near Kutatisi

Mephet Mephe George: I'm 73 years old! I'll go alone!
Bodyguard: Ok, I give it up.
Mephet Mephe George: Great then!
*he moves upon a hill to a small shrine*
Mephet Mephe George: Hail Oracle of Kutatisi! Like it is tradition for old Georgian kings, you shall show me now, waht I reached!
Oracle: *high, clear voice* If that is your wish, it shall be granted! *gets hands in some kind of smoke and says some mysterious words* toggle_fow! toggle_fow! toggle_fow!

Mephet Mephe George: Yes, i made Georgia really great!
Oracle: Yes, perhaps your ignorant non-intelligence made this possible!
Mephet Mephe George: I completely agree with you!

Narrator: Mephet Mephe George died in that night, still in the oracle. David Bagratione becam the new king of Georgia.

And in the next chapter:
The Kievan Rus want to finish with the Republic of Novgorod and georgia helps in another northern campaign.

Don't miss it!