AAR-MEN-NIEN

[Harry Lime]

Fine AAR, LlamaD. You have an excellent sense of humour

[LlamaD]

1240



: Brother? I'mma Kalif! Show me some respect!
: Well, cocky Kalif, do you see the old dirty family over there in my cage? Your Wife might be interested in them..
: How dare you..
: To the point. I'm invading Armenia soon and since you are one of the very very few to make it out of that mockery of a kingdom. So you tell me or they will die this day!
: Presumptuous. But know, there's a secret i learned about while i was delayed in the realm. Without the knowledge about it, you will surely fail. I tell you, but you have to swear by allah to release the family and do us no harm.
: A reasonable deal. So be it!
: Then listen well. First i have to tell you ....*noise*
(They talk. And talk. And laugh. And talk. And part.)

Unfortunately, it is not know what exactly they talked about. Was no spy at hand? - Of course there was,..but due to an error on the scouting duty schedule, the legendary Bedros was assigned for this stint. Considering his age, it's no wonder he died on a cold winter morning, just before Abdullatif started to listen.


However, it is rumo{u}red that shortly after the talk, Kalif Cakmak walked the walk with a song on his lips and a smile on his face. Oh and with a group of dirty old in-laws in tow.




: I'm free...and done.

I'm FREE

I'M FREE-I'm free,

And freedom tastes of reality,

I'm free-I'm free,
AN' I'm waiting for you to follow me.


If I told you what it takes
to reach the highest high,
You'd laugh and say 'nothing's that simple'
But you've been told many times before

Messiahs pointed to the door

And no one had the guts to leave the temple!


I'm free-I'm free

And freedom tastes of reality


I'm free-I'm free
And I'm waiting for you to follow me.


&
How can we follow?
How can we follow?

With 2 princesses on the market, the noble suitors return.

But the royal Snob doesn't even consider them. She has got others in mind...?


: I was successful! Now let's see how they fare..*hrhr*



Abirad the mercifulless Saint shying away from big missions for the sake of minor missions.
But, as we all learned to know - did we? - as long as the inappropriate statements continue, bad things hinder the Armenians on their path.

Always the damn ladders...

Accordingly lined up....



...and supposedly well, horribly wrong informed about the likes of Fatima in the city...



...the door...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

...opens....


...and the defenders are greeted by some single burning arrows.



You can make the case, that we've shown 'em the light.



So Diabekr is put to the mercy of Abirad the Merciless.



And without looking back once more, he follows his reputation.

10k will do that.

: CRAP! Whats wrong with the enemy?!?

The looting was very intense.
German

Arqa Arsen the merciless watching Mighty has put A.M. on the deathlist.

Afraid of something?

: Pfff. Why not Cakmak also, while i'm there? ..... Disgusting!


At the same time, the Arqa is looking for some slaying.
: Enough time wasted. They all bought my little trick. I need to go on my spree now! To Arms, men! I smell some rebels nearby!


Almost before the night comes, he had his little clash.



Talking himself into a joyful mood...



..and running over helpful rebels...



..letting the eagles fly....



..and rout the frightened...


..he eventually learned how to use horses.

Other than eating them.


The seldjuks failed at peace-negotiations again.

What do you mean, not fair?



At the end of the year, only the Arqa and perhaps a local urinal controll authority sense the danger that lies in the hands of Abdullatif Malatyali.



The ordinary citizen are chatting about other things.. exactly, religious ones...

[LlamaD]

school! shice trots - i leave for the toilet

: Better so. Don't come back too soon!

Blind GAARdian LMAA! You have an extravagant kind of tumour

: Who of us both is the doctor?! Enough! The patient needs rest and peace. Or he will rest in peace.

€:
: A little bit of the right kind of medicine can't hurt either!

[molls]

-

[LlamaD]

[redundance]: And by the power of free speech, i hereby say nothi-

Ah, whatever... none delivered medicine.... bad shape of the patient.....no payment... Must be my day.*sigh*



1241



: While my patient still recovers from his fit, i have to supervise his writing tries. And control what can be published. So lets see:

Two - anatomical interesting - women argue about which one of them shall start natural interracial reproduction.


The next page...a dialogue between women? I'm a Doctor, not a pervert! *rips page out*


As a later result, one of them approaches the Z52.8 and initiates the intercourse.
Call it impotence or traditional behaviour, but apparently he did not look her in the eyes.
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.

Another heartache - another failed romance.

Whats next? *turns some pages*
Oh, that is good. Erm, here we have quite a nice collection of patients, gathering before they know it, to enjoy some immune defence-raising activities.
They are led by an underbred general, i can see some signs of incest, too though....keeping an eye on that one. The opposing General is sieging a fortresslike building...whatever...can't be that important, can it?



It seems that the poor bastard has been trained to give speeches.



Without good results.



His troops are split.


And the Opponent divides his forces, too.


General Mala..something climbs the mountain with his armored horses.


I think i know a good horse doctor...


..the ironclad one not so much...


... hence he's turning away.


But as if he lost some chastity belt keys...


..he comes back searching...


..while the spears are finding his bodyguards..


..leading General M. to back off again.


Sharpshooters in their back...


...and the troopers miles away..


..they eventually call it a day and leave in a hurry.


..prompting the armenian crossbowmen to fall on their knees and thank heaven above.

Which might lead to a number of bone abscesses, i hope.

But while they cheer uphill, the real deal, in terms of interesting injuries, occurs down in the plain.



There was a significant amount of wounds caused by arrows, easy to find and handle.


Gotta love those sharp fissure-inflictors.



Crossbows demand time to operate, and while the enemy joins the operating theatre, they step back a few feet and observe the following twinges.


And so, a massive dogfight occurs.


Some unarmored horsemen want to join the party.

Whoops!

But combined with all horses, it sounds like a rout.


Running is an unhealthy sport (for soldiers).


A little confusion...


..here and there..


..increases the number of cuts, fractions, fissions,...


...abrasions, scratches, lacerations and cases of rheumatism.


And what's left? A nice little epidemic offspring pool.



Not a whole lot of casualties could be healed.



General A. Massafag....err, escaped...and with him a lot of potential probands...*grrr*


The impact on the reputation of the bastard was quite big.



On the other side, A. Mal..functional....



So...that was that....and what else? *pages over pages* Hmm...A financial overview? Who the hell would be interested in such stuff?



Nonsense! And whats the laste page about.....an irrelevant picture and..oh... a nice family tree... now thats interesting...*rips family tree out of manuscript and leaves to the sideroom*


(Several Little papers are flying trough the air as he shuts the door behind him.)

Click to view content: 

*soft moaning from the patients bed*

[RPK]

I'm always decide to read this AAR when I'm bored.

[LlamaD]

I'm always bored when i decided to read this AAR.

Mike says:"You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me.

Have some common dementia

Again, Mike: "You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me.
What a bunch of (bleep) holes." is his quote according to the lip readers.

Click to view content: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Asked about it, he took a long pause.
"Sometimes I don't think the fans quite get it," Mike said. "It's like what you craft. They're going to be dumbfounded. When you make a big decision, someone's going to like it, someone's not. You'll hear from the people who don't. Did I look exasperated?" Mike added. "I was into the game. You get so much adrenaline at that point and you react. I'm into the game, into the moment. Sometimes I can be better than that. I'll make mistakes. I'll do better. But they won't. EVER! Buhuahuaha!"

[musicdemon]

I'm always decide to read this AAR when I'm bored.

Have some common decency

[RPK]

Have some common decency

Maybe that came out wrong. What I meant is that this AAR is my cure for Boredom. Sorry if it came out wrong.

Originally Posted by ручной пулемёт Калашникова

I lol'd.

[musicdemon]

Maybe that came out wrong. What I meant is that this AAR is my cure for Boredom. Sorry if it came out wrong.

Ooooooh. It was just some miscommunication. In that case, carry on

[LlamaD]

Mike was right. They won't. EVER!

And there the Biographer lies ....handicapped by the fallout of his fit. Unable to express a reaction vocally to the enervating vermin that just invaded again. Yet in his mind a clear picture formed itself.

Click to view content: 

The Doctor on the other side of the door was still busy studying family trees and stuff. He won't help much.

Tried to remember the advice back in the days he had gotten on how to deal with vermin..or was it varmint? too many choices, i hear voices, i hear voices like ...what was it?

Fire and fuel...petroling the news...enlighten 'em....only in his underpants..biting his squashed nails.... difficult.

All he really managed was a fart.

If no help would come, he's in for a loooooong time of this convalescense.

Another fart.

[Harry Lime]

In case anyone is unaware, LlamaD is one of the nominees for the best AAR writer award. You can vote for any of the contestants here

[Aldgarkalaughskel]

: Mission accomplished, Milord of Minor Asia.
: What mission?
: The elimination of Sir Mister Lord Khalifah Cakmak.
: Wub? I didn't give you such mission. He was our biggest tax-payer. AAAARGH! &#Đđ!!!
: I got a sealed order, with a title, "from the true faction leader".



:Well you couldn't see, what I could see from a bird's eye view: a secret conspiracy, that would result in the complete downfall of your empire.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

: To the point. I'm invading Armenia soon and since you are one of the very very few to make it out of that mockery of a kingdom. So you tell me or they will die this day!
: Presumptuous. But know, there's a secret i learned about while i was delayed in the realm. Without the knowledge about it, you will surely fail. I tell you, but you have to swear by allah to release the family and do us no harm.
: A reasonable deal. So be it!
: Then listen well. First i have to tell you ....*noise*
(They talk. And talk. And laugh. And talk. And part.)

Unfortunately, it is not know what exactly they talked about. Was no spy at hand? - Of course there was,..but due to an error on the scouting duty schedule, the legendary Bedros was assigned for this stint. Considering his age, it's no wonder he died on a cold winter morning, just before Abdullatif started to listen.

: Hence I had to reload and intervene.
: How dare you?
: Shut up. Now that Cakmak is dead, Armenia got rid of her most dangerous, sneakiest enemy.
I always knew he was doing an inside job. He couldn't trick me with those sandstones...
I lived a pointless life. I deserved a meaningless death. I'm finally free of all this nonsense...

Enough of this whining. *takes cigar in the mouth* My fellow Armenians, now that we're free of the greatest danger, let's celebrate!




-----
sorry, LlamaD, I just couldn't resist making your avatar talk

[LlamaD]

In chasing the anykey, i was awarded a nominal "one of the asbestos" badge. You can vomit your intestines here.

: Aaaaaaagh....*collapses without leaving the bed* Thanks mofos!

[...]
[....]
[.........]


His mind is still pretty good at concentrating/forceful thinking...

Click to view content: 

[....]


...but the body can't handle the hits no more. Every new impertinent trespasser is like a knife...

Click to view content: 

Only the wishful expected medicine might save him..

: Here i come to save the day..

.....and praise the Lord for sending his Wizard to the rescue. Last minute survival for the win.
: Thank thee..i thought my last hour had come...*breathes deeply and falls asleep, drenched in sweat*

[LlamaD]

1242


"Cakmak is dead?"

Abruptly awaken in the middle of the night, the eightyfour year old man and his face fell. Chalky fingers searched for something to grab and strangle..
: What have i done? What have i done?*crying*

The guard that stormed into his tent to protect the leader was quite surprised to be "shot to death" by the Arqa himself the very next morning. Even moreso as the shooting took three hours and was quite unorthodox. Little did he knew...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

: Saddle my horse! We've got some Land to conquer!


The kingdom learned about Cakmaks demise soon enough.


: What? My take? ....
The message was spread
that Cakmak was dead,
a mourning to some
a shock to none.
He was the first
-man do i thirst-
won't be the last
as i've seen the cast
-now gimme some beer here!-
but don't say a thing
if you can't handle the sting.
So, stranger, farewell
-while i dwell. No need to yell.-


Procreation news:

Perhaps the makupchild, Geuregh finally comes of age.



But the youngest and only real child of the Saint and the Portuguese Beauty Princess used exactly the day his mother died.

Timing is everything


His first action, introducing himself to the Seldjuks, shows no oddness at all.

Compared to the other Generals, ofc.

That increases the need for alcohol at the taverns.
German

And good news from the harbour (incl. gambling den), too.



The last remaining daughter of Ghazig the Saint is off the market.

: Hey, why do people think i am called the Merciless? Right on. That's what you get for being oh-so-good-and-chivalrous!

Turns out to be more than just merciless.

Click to view content: 

One could think that the nobles have to stop making advances and presenting candidates, now that there's no Princess to marry no more (not).

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Instead, they try other loose ends.

: Don't look at me...or ill smack you in the face!

Modestos Evgenikos, the lates acquisition of the emptyblooded Kingdom of Jerusalem appears to be quite a thug...or at least no enemy of any.



Sis City, Swiss Johnny Pub:

: There's no way to get rid of him at war.
: What? So i'll be never in charge up there?
: Calm down...i've already done the necessary things. The result should come soon. Once in peace, the people won't join another war unless we are clearly attacked first.
: And how does that help me?
: Without his military power and sucking the life out of the country for the war, the people and especially the nobles will do the work for you. Just a matter of months before he's finished.
: I'll drink to it. Skoll!*shouting* And bring me somet meat to eat, Servant!
: So your gout is less painful today?
: A little bit...it's been a long time since i used the hand...


The son of the gout-burdened hand all hands full on the road he was sent by his father.
He engaged the homeland heroes defenders in sight of Gilles de Saint Clair, an arrogant cutthroat under service of Jerusalem.


Still nothing odd...


..and nothing completely new.


Or was it?


Finally something odd: After two merely minor battles, he's already fed up with fighting.



The white guy from Constantinople..he's already approaching our kingdom. Looking for the local smugglers only?



He's not the only stalker around here.
German

Quite hard for the church to lead such people to the right way.


At Arqa Arsen's camp:

Already commited and preparing to throw the green plague out of the mountains forever, Arqa Arsen the Malevolent minds when he is called from afar.
: *wheezing* For...For...forgive my interruption ...and slay someone other than me Arqa Hiob.
In a dramatic shift of events...PEACE has been declared by the the nobles.

Click to view content: 

: What the hell? How?....Arrrgh.. damn you, Gagik and your endless alliances! This could be the end of me...

It's not my time

Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was

Just you and me and love and all of our friends

Living life like an ocean

Now the current's slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breath
It won't be too long and I'll be going under

Can you save me from this


Cause it's not my time,
I'm not going

There's a fear in me
It's not showing

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

Oh, I won't go


I look ahead to all the plans that we made

And the dreams that we had

I'm in a world that tries to take them away

Oh, but I'm taking them back

All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have,

It's what we believe



And it's not my time
I'm not going

There's a fear of me

It's not showing

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

Oh, It's not my time

I'm not going

There's a fear in me

Now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, I won't go
I won't go


There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you believe

There might be more than you can't see


It's not my time
I'm not going

There's a fear in me

It's not showing

This could be the end of me

And everything I know
It's not my time

I'm not going
There's a will in me
Now it's gonna show
This could be the end of me

And everything I know


There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you believe

There might be more than you can see


and I won't go!

No I wooooon't gooooo down!

[RPK]

Great choice of song at the end!

[musicdemon]

I love Cakmak's death picture That's a pretty epic victory too, even with a ton of cavalry.

[LlamaD]

[LlamaD]

[LlamaD]

1243


Haydar's son relative Daniel Atamian comes out.... of age.


But he won't get a chance to mop up some reb. That's for Geuregh Turmarch. And only because he gained a little weight over the holidays...

Odd, isn't it?


Heartly...


..ridden...



..dreamweavers...

..do not matter here.




ReunionArmyMarch, early afternoon:
(Dust settles. On everyone. Really slow marching army.)

: I can't believe my eyes! Is that filthy old fella over there my good ol' Drillmaster?
: Hell yes! ... But why did you had to eat my portions, too, while i was away? You gained at least 40 pounds, old bullock!
: Well i had a bet with the foodtaster.... Nevermind, how comes you are back here to the army? Arqa Arsen's wish, your order?
: Pretty much. I'm getting way to old for this crap, but, yeah, ..pretty much. From the mauler to the Malevolent. *sigh* We shall meet the Arqa soon. Lets get this rags of soldiers moving!
: That has to be celebrated. Let's sing on the last few miles to town!
: And what? The army song?
: No, this time its my turn to choose. Look, we're going to Sis...Don't you remember?

: Remember what?
: We built this city...

..On Rocks and Bones

We build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones

we build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


Say you don't know me

or recognize my face

say you don't care who goes
to that kind of that place


Knee deep in the hoopla
sinking in your fight
too many runaways

eating up the night


My Carl he plays the mamba listen to the crusadio

don't you remember we built this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


We build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones

we build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


Someone always playing
corporation games

who cares they're always changing
corporation names


We just want to dance here

someone stole the stage

they call us irresponsible

write us off the page


My Carl he plays the mamba listen to the crusadio

don't you remember we built this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


We build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones

we build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


It's just another Sunday

in a tired old street

taxmen have got the choke hold

and we just lost the beat


Who counts the money

underneath the bar

who rides the wrecking ball
into our tatar


Don't tell us you need us

'cause we're just simple fools

looking for Armenia

calling through your schools


Don't you remember remember


My Carl he plays the mamba listen to the crusadio

don't you remember we built this city

we built this city on rocks

and bones


We build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones

we build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones


We build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones

we build this city
we built this city on rocks

and bones



We built we built this city
we built we built this city
we built we built this city
we built we built this city


We built we built this city
We built we built this city
We built we built this city
We built we built this city

: That was one of the stupidest songs ever! Why remember the sins of my youth?!
: O rly?
: GET THE BIRD DOWN!
: Hahaha...
: *flap* hoot *flap*

Once again, a more than fair offer and no deal...



Oh noes. The Crusader King is dead!

How might Jerusalems former enemies and now Landlords&Lieges respond?


D'oh! A Jihaad is called against Cairo. Way to treat your dogs...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

And we proudly present Cakmak's successor...

Adana, home of the Church and the council of nobles:


In the midst of a heated discussion...

Family Arravenean: It's so tough to get a foot into the door with him. He continues to decline any adoption and marriage proposal!
Family As(s)tourian: Hell, he killed the best of us, Drastamad!
Family Astagian: ...he married our guy to the frigin nasty, ..err.. frigid snobbish Princess!
Family Auetisian: He called my son ladybird! And refused to let him join the royal family!
Family As(s)tourian: Ha! You're lucky! We are doomed to send our sons out of the lands as diplomats without a chance to come back alive!
Family Abelean: *whistle* ...err. he forbids more than 4 kids per marriage! Abirad already goes crazy!
Family As(sa)tourian: Did we mention his impertinently mockering 'bout our family name?
Family Avanian: WE WANT a bigger piece of the CAKE!
Family Arravenean: Let's get the cypress-monopol!
Family Azadian: More Gospels!
Family Aravelean: A home for old nobles!
Family Aldznuni: Health security!
Family Azizian: And less taxes, too!
Family Arsharuni: More douchebaggery!
: And you shall get it. Ghazig the Saint is ready ..make him Arqa instead of the Arqa..he will grant all nobles tax exemption, freedom to enrich and the freedom to follow the one and only church- and only this one!
: *nods head* It's about time to throw this pagan magician out!
Family Aznavourian: More respect !
Family Arshmuni: No more name-abuse!
Family Atchabahian: Yeah!
Family Apahuni: And increased sizes for the medal of honor! Otherwise the smugglers won't accept to get paid with it..

: Yeah, yeah of course... but calm down everyone, for now. Let's face it. An open revolution won't succeed. But: Arqa Arsen the Malevolent is 85 years old. Peace was delivered as promised. His biggest source of power is gone. Without the war, he has no reason to beat us up anymore. As long as the troops are loyal to him, it's suicide ...but once he's gone...it's all over baby! And he has been reported to be fallen ill several times the last few years.... So...expect his death any day! And then you shall celebrate and enjoy! But for now, hold on tight!
(Altogether): Gnaaaaa. Ok, we'll stand pat. And you, make sure things happen! But don't try to fool us, man. Because, you know... Wir haben euch noch

6. German Song

nichts getan

Freunde schliesst den Kreis
Wir sind der Beweis
Diese Generation hat Anspruch auf den Thron
Wir haben euch noch nichts getan
Doch ihr werdet was wir meinen erfahren

Wir werden ernten was wir säen
Keiner kann uns übergehen
Unsere Trauben werden Wein
Und wir trinken ihn allein
Alles wird anders sein
Was sein ist ist auch mein
Das steht uns bevor
Es klopft an unser Tor
Willst du es auch sehen
Dann musst du überstehen

Jede Seele findet Trost in dieser Zeit
Könige sind alle Zeit bereit
Dich zu leiten auf den Weg
Deine Bahn wird niemals schräg
Leg es darauf an zu streiten
Wenn sie die Wahrheit nicht verbreiten
Steh uns bei in der Zeit der Not
Gemeinsam bringen wir alles ins Lot

Coincident #34


The casual man on the street and in the tavern seems to care....NOT.

Or does he?


In the Meantime...

...the Jihad has ended before it started. Wonder what the ugly heretic and Jabir al-Abassi have to do with it?
Anyways...the Kingdom of Jerusalem, our noble ally, got rid of their necklace...and Cairo. Ze Germans experienced the same: Become slave, get raped and enjoy being fought with your hands tight. Yay.

And what does Armenia?