Student Population
“My trip to Penn State: Cow...cow...cow...20,000 hot girls...cow...cow.”
~ Jon Stewart on Pennsylvania State University
For most students, Penn State is also known as "13th grade", as 95% of the college-bound high school population of Pennsylvania attends the university. The typical image of a Penn State student body is white, middle to upper class, somewhat preppy, and constantly thinking about one of three things: booze, partying, or getting laid (or rather all three together). But despite that image, Penn State has always embraced diversity and made a conscientious effort to recruit minorities. Like Flava Flav's alleged son. And Mr. T's cousin.
Distractors of Penn State often refer to the school as UPS, otherwise known as the University of Parties and Sex. Indeed, Penn State men on average get laid three times a week by hot coeds. Even the females who attend Penn State's renowned "Honors" college are pretty hot. Remarkably, STD rates at Penn State are low for a school that is the home of hedonistic pleasures. That's because research scientists at Penn State have found a cure that can eradicate STDs. However, at the moment, the university is engaged in a lawsuit against the University of Pennsylvania, alleging that some tools at the wannabe Penn State school have stolen trade secrets for the cure. (Penn State is also suing the University of Pennsylvania for alleged trademark infringement.)
The 24/7 partying and orgying (all strongly enforced by campus security, aka the "Penn Stasi") makes Cancun look like BYU. Penn State even has its own KY Jelly brand and inflatable dolls are among the most purchased Penn State merchandise. The Moonlite Bunny Ranch frequently recruits at Penn State. In fact, it only recruits at Penn State.
Even more remarkably, Penn State manages to graduate over 80% of its student population, despite the mentality at Penn State of "never let your studying interfere with your partyin'". Of course, this takes into account that over 50% of Penn State's student population majors in such useful subjects as recreation and park management, or family relations. Then again, the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor has over 75% of its student body major in something called "General Studies", whatever the **** that means. Ironically, many of the football players are attending real classes, and majoring in semi-useful subjects like finance and business administration. Most of Penn State's football players are also not having to attend courses like ballroom dancing (I'm talking to you, Matt Leinart) or AIDS awareness (like Andy Katenmoyersomething) in order to stay eligible. Though the school does have to deal with such headcases as Maurice Humphrey and Dan Crank Yanker Connor.
Penn State students are renowned for their ability to correctly identify their college as seen in the popular chant "We Are Penn State!" Penn State students are also responsible for the rapid worldwide popularity of the original fudgesicle. This is because the fudgesicle is a Penn State invention. This was all before the laws forced a change to new ingredients from the original ingredients.
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Originally Posted by The Man With No Name
