Chapter 2: Oh the places you'll go.
Part 1: Existential crisis Whereupon two narrators debate the meaning of it all
Narrator 1- So...
Narrator 2- The Omani Pirates ... I- I can't do it.
Narrator 1- It just seems so meaningless...
Dead Meteorologist- IT COULD BE WORSE!
Dead Peasant 1- Aye, ya could be stuck in bloody pit, ya could.
Narrator 1- What's the difference?
Narrator 2- We're dead anyways.
Narrator 1- Can you even remember anything?
Narrator 2- Nope.
Narrator 1- I thought it'd be different, you know?
Narrator 2- Like how? Choir of angels?
Narrator 1- No.
Narrator 2- Divine light?
Narrator 1- Nope.
Narrator 2- Pearly gates? Rivers of silver, streets of gold?
Narrator 1- None of that.
Narrator 2- Then what?
Narrator 1- Thirty virgins.
Narrator 2- I see... *cough* You do realize that's actually a mistranslation, right? It's actually thirty crystal clear gra-
Narrator 1- Just- let a man have his dreams, ok?
Narrator 2- Fair enough.
Narrator 1- ...
Narrator 2- ...
Narrator 1- Man I'm bored.
Narrator 2- Maybe that's why we started narrating, had nothing better to do.
Narrator 1- Still, an eternity of exposition regarding the follies of others...
Narrator 2- But it didn't happen to everyone.
Narrator 1- What do you mean?
Narrator 2- Well look at these guys:
Narrator 2- Hundreds died, only one became a narrator.
Narrator 1- True. Maybe he knows something.
Narrator 2- Wouldn't hurt to ask *heads over to the Narrator pit* Uh, hello.
Dead Meteorologist- HELLO BETRAYER.
Yasir, deceased- Fiend most foul.
Dead Peasant 1- Pike off, ****
Narrator 2- *aside* Good to see they're staying classy. *to Narrator pit* So, uh, how's it going down there? Great times huh? I'd like to ask a question, just a quick little-
Dead Peasant 1- I'd like to ask you a question mate.
Narrator 2- What?
Dead Peasant 1- How big is your *** ****?
Narrator 2- How big is my *** ****?
Dead Peasant 1- Yep.
Narrator 2- ... why?
Dead Peasant 1- 'Cause when I get out o' this bloody hole I'm gonna stick my foot up your *** and I want to make sure it'll fit.
Narrator 2- ...
Narrator 1- Touché.
Narrator 2- This is gonna be tougher than I had anticipated, isn't it? *sigh* Look, just, when you died, did anything... happen? Flash of light? Judgement? Clouds? Really, anything?
Dead Peasant 1- Look ya thick headed bloke, religion is the opium o the masses, if ya believe in all 'em fairy tales, then I dunno what ta tell ya.
Narrator 2- Just throw me a bone here *gets hit by a bone* NOT LITERALLY!
Dead Meteorologist- THAT WAS MY HIP. HOPE IT HELPED.
Narrator 2- Just answer me dammit! Did anything happen? Or was it just a blink of an eye and boom! you're here annoying me for eternity?
Dead Peasant 1- Wouldn't say a blink of an eye.
Narrator 2- Really?
Dead Meteorologist- DEFINITELY NOT.
Yasir, deceased- More like a slow agonizing eternity as I choked on the blood that spewed forth from an open cavity in my chest 'til mercifully my heart stopped bleeding.
Dead Meteorologist- SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
Dead Peasant 1- Spot on.
Narrator 2- I'll take that as a no. *turns to Narrator 1* Well, back to square one, I guess.
Narrator 1- Let's think for a bit.
Dead Peasant 1- That's a first.
Narrator 1- Shut up.
Narrator 2- We're dead. And we've probably been dead for a long time, 'cause we can't even remember being alive.
Narrator 1- That narrows it down to... all of history.
Narrator 2- True, but, hey- **** it. We're dead. Not like we're pressed for time.
Narrator 1- Time to get some answers.
Narrator 2- To the big questions.
Narrator 1- Who were we?
Narrator 2- Why are we narrating?
Narrator 1- Whats Dylan trying to say, anyways?
Narrator 2- Don't push it.
September 13, 2011, 05:39 PM
notenome
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Part 2: I just want to dance! Whereupon our beloved narrators embark on a journey
Narrator 1- So, where do we start?
Narrator 2- Probably by talking to the other dead people.
Narrator 1- That didn't work out too well last time.
Narrator 2- I meant the other other dead people, the ones who don't narrate.
Narrator 1- Oh ... how do we find 'em?
Narrator 2- Easy, the Turks just got done besieging a rebel province.
Narrator 1- Dead Ghazis?
Narrator 2- You bet.
Narrator 1- ACK! A FLAMING GHOST!
Narrator 2- He's come to take our souls!
Narrator 1- Run for it!
Deceased Ghazi 89709- *singing, snapping fingers* You can dance, you can die, having the time of your life, see- *turns to cowering narrators* Oh hello there! New arrivals? Come on in, make yourselves at home, guess there were some stragglers left over at Konya.
Narrator 1- Dude, your on fire!
Deceased Ghazi 89709- You bet your sweet ass I am. *singing* watch that scene, digging the dancing queenu-hu-hu *does a spin move*
Narrator 1- I mean your literally on fire.
Deceased Ghazi 89709- Hey, I'm not judging, everyone gets here there own way. *continues humming*
Narrator 1- So.... *ahem* where is, ah, everyone else.
Deceased Ghazi 89709- Right over here.
Deceased Ghazis (in unison)- *singing* I love the nightlife, I got to boogie, on the disco oh ahhhhhhhnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiay going yay.
Narrator 1- What. The. ****.
Narrator 2- This is Ghazi heaven? I mean, I heard the stories and all, but, damn.
Deceased Ghazi 7965- *doing the robot* Join on in newcomers! *singing* your love is my love, my love is your love- Narrator 1- I think I'll take a pass.
Narrator 2- Yeah we're not the dancing type.
*music stops, the Ghazis stop and stare.*
Deceased Ghazi 1- Then you're not ghazis.
Deceased Ghazi 2- All ghazis love to dance.
Deceased Ghazi 708690- It's what we do... Well, what we do after we die in a horribly gruesome manner.
Narrator 1- So your here because you want to be?
Deceased Ghazi 1- Absolutely.
Narrator 1- *aside* I guess it really does take all types.
Narrator 2- And yet... maybe that's a clue.
Narrator 1- Hmm?
Narrator 2- The dead do what they like to do. The Ghazis like to dance, so they wind up here.
Narrator 1- We like to observe other people's lives and make snarky remarks.
Narrator 2- So we wound up as narrators.
Deceased Ghazi 663269- Not to break up your epiphany or anything but are you two all done crashing our party?
Narrator 1- Oh please, do continue.
Narrator 2- Don't stop on our account.
Narrator 1- It's really quite interesting, in an anthropological sort of way.
Narrator 2- Like a tribe that burns its genitals as a coming-of-age ritual.
Deceased Ghazi 789534- Whatever *music starts up again, sings* Won't-you-take-me-to, ta-da-da, funky TOWN!Won't-you-take-me-to, ta-da-da, funky *town*!
Disclaimer: Abandon all hope, ye who click here.
September 13, 2011, 07:05 PM
Yesman101
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Lol, an AAR evolved :tongue:
But what happened to the Omani's? It went from pirates to sand castles to death and now existentialist tones... WOW.
September 13, 2011, 07:47 PM
notenome
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Therein lies the question, when the narrators become protagonists, what do the protagonists become?
I want answers. The main plot of this AAR is already laid out in my head (based on a crazy idea I had before falling asleep one night). However I'll leave the side-parts (like the actual campaign game) up for grabs, to you, the reader. Best suggestions will become side parts and vignettes. What do YOU want the Omanis to do whilst the narrators embark on their journey of self discovery?
And Yesman, 'tis not evolution but the continuation of the revolutionary fervor of the earlier AARs of BCs youth. When bold, visionary writers set out to change a stale genre and make it something new, and thus achieve world domination. Unfortunately all our computers got fried for it.
September 13, 2011, 09:02 PM
Yesman101
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Quote:
Originally Posted by notenome
Therein lies the question, when the narrators become protagonists, what do the protagonists become?
I want answers. The main plot of this AAR is already laid out in my head (based on a crazy idea I had before falling asleep one night). However I'll leave the side-parts (like the actual campaign game) up for grabs, to you, the reader. Best suggestions will become side parts and vignettes. What do YOU want the Omanis to do whilst the narrators embark on their journey of self discovery?
And Yesman, 'tis not evolution but the continuation of the revolutionary fervor of the earlier AARs of BCs youth. When bold, visionary writers set out to change a stale genre and make it something new, and thus achieve world domination. Unfortunately all our computers got fried for it.
Very Interesting... so basically your AAR will be a completely new story focused on the existential journey of the narrorators going through random parts of the game with random factions based on the requests of the players? You sir, deserve a reward! :thumbsup2
May I be the first to suggest something: I would would like to see mounted Omani Beggers gain revenge on the Ghurid oppressors and.... Sack Firuzkuh! stealing all the forks and spoons they can while burying themselves in the sand outside the castle, building sand guard towers, and eating sand cake..... yea.... sand cake :D
September 17, 2011, 12:03 AM
notenome
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Part 3: Don't worry be happy Whereupon a musical fish heals all wounds
Outside Ghazi Heaven
Narrator 1- So, where to now?
Narrator 2- Guess we need to talk to more dead people.
Narrator 1- Hopefully they'll listen to better music this time.
Narrator 2- I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Some time latter, in a place of blinding white light
Narrator 1- *squinting* Can't... see... anything.
Narrator 2- Where... are... we?
Arslan, deceased- Lo! Who enters the realm of Sultan Arslan the Great-
Narrator 1- You mean Arlsan the Fugly?
Arslan, deceased- Insolent wretch, why I should-
Baldwin IV, deceased- You should shut up for the first time in your unlife, that's what you should do.
Narrator 2- How could this possibly be anyone's heaven? Even Ray Charles would ask to turn the lights down in here.
Baldwin IV, deceased- Really, Arslan, this is the first time we have visitors and this is how you treat them?
Arslan, deceased- He called me fugly!
Baldwin IV, deceased- You are fugly! This is Fugly Heaven, dammit! *continues arguing with Arslan, deceased*
Narrator 1- I don't have time for this *begins walking away, stumbles upon a strange object* what's this? Looks like a... fish?
Arslan and Baldwin IV (together)- *singing* Don't worry be happy, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo hoo-hoo.
Narrator 1- I've seen a lot of strange **** in my day, but this... this is crazy made art.
Narrator 2- Indeed.
Arslan, deceased- *breathes a sigh of relief* What were we talking about?
Baldwin IV, deceased- Can't remember. Oh well, water under the bridge.
Narrator 1- Wait, you guys are friends now?
Arslan, deceased- Always.
Baldwin IV, deceased- BFFs.
Narrator 2- What about the whole 'I know you are but what am I?' or the 'And your mamma Fugly too' thing?
Arslan, deceased- I know he didn't mean it.
Baldwin IV, deceased- Well, actually I did, I mean, come on, we are some pretty hideously ugly individuals. We wear masks for crying out loud. But that's alright-
Arlsan, deceased- You really do think I'm fugly!
Baldwin, deceased- Oh come on! You really want to get into an argument over this again? You insecure little *both start arguing, again*
Narrator 1- *sighs, presses the button again*
Arslan and Baldwin together- *singing* Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo hoo-hoo.
Narrator 1- ... so where were we? Oh right, you were about to enlighten us.
Arslan, deceased- Enlighten you about what?
Narrator 1- I don't know... the universe, the afterlife.
Narrator 2- We're trying to figure out who we were, in our past life.
Baldwin IV, deceased- I'm sorry, but do we really seem like the type to be handing out cosmic wisdom?
Arslan, deceased- We can't even have a normal conversation.
Narrator 1- You'll get no argument from me there. I think we can all agree that you two are some of the biggest deuchebags this world has ever seen.
Narrator 2- Seriously. I can't imagine anyone more self-obsessed than the both of you.
Baldwin IV, deceased- Well that shows how much you know. You're almost as sadly ignorant as Arslan here.
Arslan, deceased- WHA-
Baldiwn IV, deceased- Just hush. *to Narrators* Anyone whose ever had an even passing glance at the Encyclopedia Deuchebaggia knows we're at most mediocre deuchebags.
Narrator 1- The what now?
Baldwin IV, deceased- Encyclopedia Deuchebaggia, where all the greatest deuchebags of history are immortalized.
Arslan, deceased- I am certaintly not a deuchebag. And even if I was, I would definitely not be a mediocre one!
Baldwin IV, deceased- It was a compliment you insecure little ****! *they start arguing, yet again*
Narrator 1- Just wait! Before you start- where can we- oh goddamit.
Narrator 2- *looks at Narrator 1* It is is what it is *presses the button*
Arslan and Baldwin IV together- *singing* Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo hoo-hoo.
Narrator 2- Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Where can we find the Encyclopedia Deuchebaggia?
Baldwin IV, deceased- *shrugs*
Arslan, deceased- Notta clue.
Narrator 1- You saw it! You mentioned it dammit! Just give me a clue, something.
Baldwin IV, deceased- Sorry but, as you both know all too well, the longer you stay dead, the less you remember.
Narrator 2- Well that's ****ing convenient.
Baldwin IV, deceased- It is, isn't it? But I guess I wouldn't be a very good deuchebag if I were the helpful type.
Narrator 2- *resigned* Well played good sir, well ****ing played.
Narrator 1- *sighs* Off we go I guess.
Baldwin IV, deceased- Leaving so soon? Really?
Arslan, deceased- I'm glad they're leaving, inconsiderate bastards.
Baldiwn IV, deceased- Oh you would be, wouldn't you? You're just lonely and bitter.
Arslan, deceased- I am not! If anyone's bitter it's you, you leper.
Baldiwn IV- You did not! *once again, they start arguing*
Narrator 1- *turning away* What can I say, they're happy this way. *throws the fish over his shoulder*
Narrator 2- I guess Heaven really is what you make of it.
Narrator 1- *shrugs* Suppose so.
Meanwhile, in the Narrator Pit
Dead Meteorologist- UH... HELLO? ANYBODY OUT THERE? IT'S GETTING AWFUL LONELY IN HERE...
September 21, 2011, 11:25 AM
notenome
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Growing weak.... need more comments....
September 21, 2011, 03:21 PM
DevrimJan
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Well, I really liked the inclusion of Arslan the Fugly and Bladwin IV!
September 21, 2011, 08:12 PM
Yesman101
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
I really liked the fish button :) Did you record that yourself or did you find it?
October 02, 2011, 07:27 PM
Yesman101
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Please Notenome, do not give up on your aar!! :( I want to see this one finish to the end!
October 03, 2011, 02:42 AM
outlawsdman
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
thanks for all the cool info you guys all give but can anyone tell me how i can make the muslim general 3 battle model be the general battle model for the makuria so that my captains look different from my generals on the battlefield without using milkshake 3d isnt there a way to just move the model to that factions. Thanks please reply you computer geniuses!
October 14, 2011, 03:19 PM
notenome
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Found the fish on youtube, sometimes you just have to take what life gives you.
Now a little bit of explanation:
I'm an anthropologist, and unfortunately I've spent the last few weeks in a native sanctuary here in Brasil. I don't say unfortunately because I don't like being here, but because of the circumstances. A group of property developers which include one of the richest men in Brasil (Paulo Octavio, former vice-governor, governor, owner of the largest property developer in the Federal District and the largest newspaper) have invaded the natives property in order to build wildly over priced condominiums (at R$25000 per square meter thats about USD$ 15,000 per square meter). So I've been sleeping and spending every waking hour there in order to help the different native ethnicities to defend their land (something which, as they like to remind me, they've been doing for the last 500 years, give or take).
Naturally, I haven't even had access to electricity for the most part and no time to write updates. Hopefully, assuming I'm not murdered by militias, I'll resume updating once the situation settles down. Sorry for this post being a downer, but I feel like an honest explanation is due.
Two videos which were uploaded yesterday. Viewer discretion is advised:
Ah, that's really a rough stuff. A vile act to invade someone's property, especially if invader is already insanely rich.
I wonder, where did they take that native (I assume) guy? Is he okay? Why did they carry him away?
Just don't get killed out there.
October 16, 2011, 06:48 PM
Totalwarplayer96
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh, I see too many political problems here in the US that I came to the internet to escape the nightmare at Washington. Now that this thread just turned political, I feel the world has just gone insane.
October 25, 2011, 10:50 PM
Yesman101
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Quote:
Originally Posted by notenome
Found the fish on youtube, sometimes you just have to take what life gives you.
Now a little bit of explanation:
I'm an anthropologist, and unfortunately I've spent the last few weeks in a native sanctuary here in Brasil. I don't say unfortunately because I don't like being here, but because of the circumstances. A group of property developers which include one of the richest men in Brasil (Paulo Octavio, former vice-governor, governor, owner of the largest property developer in the Federal District and the largest newspaper) have invaded the natives property in order to build wildly over priced condominiums (at R$25000 per square meter thats about USD$ 15,000 per square meter). So I've been sleeping and spending every waking hour there in order to help the different native ethnicities to defend their land (something which, as they like to remind me, they've been doing for the last 500 years, give or take).
Naturally, I haven't even had access to electricity for the most part and no time to write updates. Hopefully, assuming I'm not murdered by militias, I'll resume updating once the situation settles down. Sorry for this post being a downer, but I feel like an honest explanation is due.
Two videos which were uploaded yesterday. Viewer discretion is advised:
Holy hell. Talk about standing up for the cause man. Be tough out there, in Brazil its a completely diffrent ballpark concerning militias, and unlike your friendly dick policeman or National Guard member, will have no reservations about shooting you, probably in the stomach, since their marksmanship is nill.
Be strong Note. I know this doesnt mean much coming from a guy about 1,640 miles away from you across the internet, but know that I wish the best for you and all the farmers out there making a stand against corruption. This Paulo Octavio seems like a really dangerous man, and its very sincere of you to be part of the people organizing to stop him.
Just please be ok out there, come back in one piece. Your a gifted writer and well liked in the community. It would really be a goddamn shame if you got shot out there.
October 26, 2011, 02:50 PM
DevrimJan
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
My god Note, take care, and fight for what's right!
Were the vids uploaded by you?
November 18, 2011, 01:57 PM
Subutai13
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Narrator 1- After their global-overpopulation reducing conquest of Suhar, the Omani Pirates turned their attention to Muscat. A town remarkable for its nothing.
Narrator 2- Truly the greatest nothing in all the land.
Narrator 1- Nothing of the most impeccable quality, to say the least
Effin LoL
October 28, 2012, 11:48 AM
Kpt Ortamadami
Re: Oh dear- A pirate AAR (not really)
Came here for some BC aar nostalgia to discover notenome had written another one. Had a huge grin until page 2 as well. Too bad, every single witty, intelligent person i've ever met, who managed to develop himself on social and political views free of mass media and became an activist, in the end, found himself crushed beneath "the iron heel". It doesn't matter if you are in a 3rd world country or not. As long as you stand against oppression that's what's coming your way.
You sir notenome, have my sympathies from thousands of kilometers away. And I hope you are safe and sound and happy with your life at the moment. And thanks for all the smiles that you put on our faces after a hard day of work. Or during it. They never banned twcenter in my office. You know.. Oh well. Kinda drunk. Hick.